[MamaaCorydoras]

Hi all,

So basically my story is, recently my in laws have said they want to move back to their motherland, overseas, and my boyfriend (their son), has decided that he might want to go with them. Im so scared, because I have my family here, where we currently live, and I have no idea of what the process behind moving overseas is like...

When we tried to talk about it, I got really upset, and he said 'I dont understand why we cant talk about this, you just get upset and we cant have a conversation'. Is it right that he just expects that Ill just up and move?

Has anyone else left their families behind, and how has that worked out for you?

Thanks for any advice!

[effy2014]

Communication is important and your husband/boyfriend (you referred to his parents as in-laws but him as your boyfriend) deserves to have a conversation. No one should expect that you will just "up and move" and leave your family. However, as you describe it, there is no reason it can't be discussed.

Express your concerns. Learn about the situation -- what support you might have, whether there is a job for you, how women are treated in that country and whatever else you need to know. You will still have the right to say no. But, if you love your boyfriend, at least keep a partially open mind.

Without knowing more about your relationship and where you live/have been asked to move, that is my best advice.

[MamaaCorydoras]

He is my boyfriend, we've just been together ages. We both live with his parents and rent out the upper floor of their house. The reason he wants to move is since his parents are moving, he fears that he will have no support network here, as we are still studying and dont have full time jobs yet. His parents have offered to buy us a house overseas if we move with them, and I think he sees this as a secure future for us. Im just so scared to move away, I dont know the country, and neither does he.

I am also scared of how my family will react, as I moved in with his family after an argument with them over a year ago (we are okay now), but since then they havnt spoken and cant stand each other, and Im scared they will say that Ive been brainwashed by him and wont speak to me, Im scared that Ill never see them again. Ive told him that I have agreed to go to the country at the end of the year as a 'holiday' to see what the country is like, and we can see how it goes from there, if we like it or not, job opportunities etc. But he has said 'It would be expensive to go on holiday just to come back, when we can just go and stay there'.

I dont know how to bring this up with my family, they are my only family here, my parents and my younger sister, I would hate for them to feel like Ive abandoned them...

Thanks for your advice, I will have to keep an open mind and not worry about it so much until the time comes I guess.

[Something_Awesome]

Mamaa, I'd tell you to move only if your happiness was a sure thing. Unfortunately, sure things in life are quite rare.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

'I dont understand why we cant talk about this, you just get upset and we cant have a conversation'.

I have agreed to go to the country at the end of the year as a 'holiday' to see what the country is like, and we can see how it goes from there, if we like it or not, job opportunities etc. But he has said 'It would be expensive to go on holiday just to come back, when we can just go and stay there'.

Sounds very much to me that you actually have had a conversation, but it's one sided.

I know you have been together for a long time.

I know that his family are dangling a carrot.

I know that your parents have a concern over this man.

I know that you are intelligent and made a very wise choice, travel, look see and decide after all it's your future you are talking about, study, jobs, career, love, life. You may not like it over there, you may not be able to continue your studies, sure he has a house and doesn't have to pay rent or board or mortgage how easy.

If your parents have a fear there is a reason.

Stick to your plans, be assertive it's a huge decision and you are fine with going over and seeing first that is what you wish to do.

More than likely he will pull the " don't you love me" ... It sounds to me that he gets what he wants, lives upstairs of his parents, then will be given a home, can he look after you? If the pair of you had nothing at all, none of his parents generosity? Do you really have a whole in your heart so big that it breaks just thinking of never seeing him, or do you have a fear of all that time together, being alone.. a good friend lost.

These are the things you should ask yourself sweet.

[atskitty2]

I'm going to speak in practicalities, as i think the above posters covered many of my thoughts already.

Do you speak fluently the language of this country? If not, are you prepared to add that to your studies?
If you go there, do you have the means to return on your own, independently, if you decide you don't want to stay? If not, Would your family help you get back to the US?

Will you eventually be expected to pursue citizenship there, and are you aware of all that entails?
Do you know how different the cultural standards for women are there?

[DreamP346]

Here are things to think about.

If you like the idea of travelling, do it now when you are young. You can always come back. It could be an adventure. But only if you are the travelling adventurous type. I have friends who just picked up and moved to Europe for 2 years. Best time of their lives but they are glad to be back. Now they have kids and can't do that type of stuff any more.

You aren't married. Is that because marriage is not your thing or you just haven't made that commitment yet. If it is the latter, I caution against moving countries for a man you can't even commit to. You say you are in school so I am guessing you are young. What happens if you guys break up. where will you go in this foreign land?

School: If you are in the middle of school, I highly recommend finishing before moving anywhere. If you truly are in love, then some time apart will not be the end. Lots of people do it all the time. He can move now. You can finish school. Go visit him and see how you like this country. Think about if you want to spend the rest of your life with him. Apply for a job.

[Baboy]

MC, because you have a limited number of posts on this forum, I took time to read them all. The bulk of them convey a strong message that your relationship with your bf, although of some 5 years+ duration, has not been a live-in relationship all that long and, more importantly, it has been beset by difficulties for quite some time.

If I were in your shoes, I would be slow to move to another country with this man at this stage. The difficulties you have experienced here with your bf will only be magnified by moving away and into the situation you describe.

CW, atskitty and sp346 have addressed the topic well.

[Pollon]

You aren't married. Is that because marriage is not your thing or you just haven't made that commitment yet. If it is the latter, I caution against moving countries for a man you can't even commit to.

I have to agree with this. You have no commitment from this man. He could literally kick you out of the house and you'd be homeless, broke and penniless in a foreign country.

Do not put yourself in that position. It is FOOLISH no matter how much you believe he loves you and I would not recommend it at this stage of your relationship. If you go at all, INSIST on a stash of money set aside that he cannot touch in case you need to get you home.

What country is it?

[Motorguy]

Hi all,

So basically my story is, recently my in laws have said they want to move back to their motherland, overseas, and my boyfriend (their son), has decided that he might want to go with them. Im so scared, because I have my family here, where we currently live, and I have no idea of what the process behind moving overseas is like...

When we tried to talk about it, I got really upset, and he said 'I dont understand why we cant talk about this, you just get upset and we cant have a conversation'. Is it right that he just expects that Ill just up and move?

Has anyone else left their families behind, and how has that worked out for you?

Thanks for any advice!

What i see wrong here is this guy is only a boy friend you are not married to him that's the first thing. You get over to this other country you don't like it you are stuck unless you have family who can send you money to get back home. You have no commitment from this boy friend on marriage.myself stay here with family close by as over there you not going to see family hardly ever at all. Do you want to move that far from your family he thinking of him self to move near his parents and have them around then stay where you at now. So what does that tell you he couldn't care less about your family at all but only his. I hope this has shine some light on this topic for you.