[Motorguy]

Sounds very much to me that you actually have had a conversation, but it's one sided.

I know you have been together for a long time.

I know that his family are dangling a carrot.

I know that your parents have a concern over this man.

I know that you are intelligent and made a very wise choice, travel, look see and decide after all it's your future you are talking about, study, jobs, career, love, life. You may not like it over there, you may not be able to continue your studies, sure he has a house and doesn't have to pay rent or board or mortgage how easy.

If your parents have a fear there is a reason.

Stick to your plans, be assertive it's a huge decision and you are fine with going over and seeing first that is what you wish to do.

More than likely he will pull the " don't you love me" ... It sounds to me that he gets what he wants, lives upstairs of his parents, then will be given a home, can he look after you? If the pair of you had nothing at all, none of his parents generosity? Do you really have a whole in your heart so big that it breaks just thinking of never seeing him, or do you have a fear of all that time together, being alone.. a good friend lost.

These are the things you should ask yourself sweet.

Very well said CW i agree with you so much with your post completely. All good valid points you made good job.

[MamaaCorydoras]

Hi all, thanks for your concern!

I am 21, and he is 22. We are both currently in university, have been dating almost 6 years, and living together almost 2 (just to clarify). They want to move to South America, and we are all spanish speakers, so language isnt an issue for me. We are not married, and you are right, we have no official commitment.

The reason this is happening, is his father is being forced into early retirement, and his parents want to invest and move there. My boyfriend wants to take advantage of the fact that his parents are offering him a fully paid house, which they cant offer him here. He would like to move as he says he is bored of his current life, Im trying to convince him that he is just stuck in a rut and needs a holiday. But he still insists that he wants to take advantage of this opportunity for a fully paid house at his age.

My biggest worry is leaving my family, Im so worried that they'll be mad and use it as an excuse to getting me to stay and break up with him, plus just the thought of moving away from what I know is scary!

You are right, if things dont end well, what the hell am I going to do? We are not married yet because we have always said that we want to finish our studies and work full time before doing so. But this could also be an opportunity as someone pointed out, to travel, since we are still young and dont have kids, but how am I going to tell my parents?

[Something_Awesome]

Hi all, thanks for your concern!

I am 21, and he is 22. We are both currently in university, have been dating almost 6 years, and living together almost 2 (just to clarify). They want to move to South America, and we are all spanish speakers, so language isnt an issue for me. We are not married, and you are right, we have no official commitment.

The reason this is happening, is his father is being forced into early retirement, and his parents want to invest and move there. My boyfriend wants to take advantage of the fact that his parents are offering him a fully paid house, which they cant offer him here. He would like to move as he says he is bored of his current life, Im trying to convince him that he is just stuck in a rut and needs a holiday. But he still insists that he wants to take advantage of this opportunity for a fully paid house at his age.

My biggest worry is leaving my family, Im so worried that they'll be mad and use it as an excuse to getting me to stay and break up with him, plus just the thought of moving away from what I know is scary!

You are right, if things dont end well, what the hell am I going to do? We are not married yet because we have always said that we want to finish our studies and work full time before doing so. But this could also be an opportunity as someone pointed out, to travel, since we are still young and dont have kids, but how am I going to tell my parents?

Finish school! FINISH SCHOOL!

Nothing is more important. Only reason my GF and I aren't married is because she has not earned her master's degree yet. Once we get married, I know it will get put off, I see it happen ALL the time. What if we get married and I die five years later, and we had a kid? She needs a way to support and sustain herself and her kid. She is going to be on her own and I won't be there to help. The education will ensure that she can continue living as she feels compelled to should something happen to me.

You do the same. Finish your schooling. Don't drop your life and put it all in that guy's hands. Don't move. Finish your education and empower yourself. There is no other sensible approach to your situation now that you've mentioned you're 21 and are still in university.

[MamaaCorydoras]

Something_Awesome: I finish this degree in June, so I know I will be fine, But I still wanted to enter into my Masters Degree next year also. He is the one who is yet to finish, but he says he can wrap up the basics and get a teaching degree with the units he's already completed... My parents would say the same thing, finish your studies!

I would love to finish my Masters degree though! I guess Ill have to wait till after a holiday we have planned there to see if we even like the place and go from there. D:

All of this is just sheit timing...

[CHANDLERS WISH]

What is it that you are frightened of with your parents?

You are 21, so an Adult now, mature enough to make your own decisions in life, you have been with him for 6 years, so obviously you are comfortable with him hopefully very happy.

Will moving affect where you want to head in life, in the work force?

Has he/you researched jobs over there for what you want to be qualified for?

[Baboy]

I'm with the crowd that says finish your education first, unless perhaps there is a world-recognized university close to where you would be living abroad where you could do your masters degree. You know, a university with a reputation like Harvard, the Sorbonne, London School of Economics, etc.

Also, as CW suggests, have you checked out job prospects there and what it would take to be eligible? Even some third world countries (and I know this from experience) are very protective of the few decent jobs that come up and they make it very difficult for non-citizens to work legally.

As for fear of your parents, again, as CW has pointed out, you're an adult and you should be at liberty to decide your life course as an adult. There is some natural inclination for parents to want their kids to stay close to home (although some are happy to see them gone), but most parents accept that their children have to determine their own lives. I would think it rewarding as a parent to see your offspring spread their wings and fly off to their own destiny free of parental ties.

When I was your age, I moved within my own country, 3,000 miles from my parents. They were not thrilled, but accepted it without attempting to dissuade me. They could scarcely do otherwise, since both of them had followed similar paths in their youth. My father left his home and country at age 21 and travelled by ship to America, long before international air travel. He came looking for work and he found it. He did not see his home and family again until 30 years had passed. His parents did not seek to enjoin him. As an aside, the country he left now enjoys close to the highest standard of living in the world, but it was not like that when he decided to leave.

I am a bit taken aback by the suggestion that, at the ripe old age of 22, your bf is bored and stuck in a rut, when he has not yet completed his studies and had his first job flowing from those studies. Maybe he'll be just as stuck in another country and the move will have solved nothing.

As for the notion of a "free house", if your bf's parents are sincere and properly motivated, there should be some "evergreen" aspect to such an offer. Unless they are seeking to control him by making a "now or never" kind of offer, they should be willing to keep the offer open to some point in the future where making the move might be appropriate. I do not say they should be willing to hold the offer open in perpetuity. They have to do their own financial planning and it would not be reasonable for their son to come back 15 years hence and announce "I'm ready for that house now." But, if there is a short fuse on the offer, you should not permit that to stampede you into an improvident decision. In the end, the "free" house might just come at too high a price, particularly for you. Will title be held half in your name? Doubtful.

So, by all means go take a visit to the place where his parents are settling and try to get some feel for whether it's a place where you think you and bf could build a life together. But it would seem that the course of prudence would be to hold off on pulling the plug and making the move until you have finished your education and gained some related job experience at home. Then you would be able to develop an "exit strategy" in case things do not work out there, including a scenario where bf elects to stay with his parents and you want to escape. If you do not take that protective measure for yourself, you might find yourself with few options and held hostage.

[MamaaCorydoras]

I have looked into job possibilities, but I'm not sure if my degree is recognised internationally...

The notion of the house I think is a 'We would be happy to have you near us' type thing, they have a very small family, so they want to stay close, but I know I will miss mine.

I'm scared of what my parents will say, because they always assume that the decisions I make are because I've been forced into them, and my parents moved here from south America, so I'm worried they will say that 'We moved here for a better life, why would you move back?'. Also, I'm worried they will be so mad that they'll refuse to talk to me again... I was old enough yo move out at almost 20, but they still tried to stop me from moving out. And I'm worried my younger sister will think I'm abandoning her too.

[Something_Awesome]

I'm gonna be honest with you. I wouldn't move. There is someone for everyone out there. I'd probably find a new someone.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

I have looked into job possibilities, but I'm not sure if my degree is recognised internationally...

The notion of the house I think is a 'We would be happy to have you near us' type thing, they have a very small family, so they want to stay close, but I know I will miss mine.

I'm scared of what my parents will say, because they always assume that the decisions I make are because I've been forced into them, and my parents moved here from south America, so I'm worried they will say that 'We moved here for a better life, why would you move back?'. Also, I'm worried they will be so mad that they'll refuse to talk to me again... I was old enough yo move out at almost 20, but they still tried to stop me from moving out. And I'm worried my younger sister will think I'm abandoning her too.

I like your idea of going over and checking it all out first. If they offered you both a home now, surely they will offer it to you again, not use it against you "now" and realise that you want to be sure that all you've worked for both of you, especially you, is available for you over there when you get there. Imagine having to start all over again?

In addition to that, you need to exactly then say that to your parents, tell them you love them and you are not going to take the offer, rather go there and check out your career opportunities, the lifestyle see if it all fits in.

Parents hate their children leaving off course they do, your sister will not see that, rather your opportunities and love "if", it all pans out.

Do not simply say yes to make someone happy, life is too short, you can not forgo your dreams.

I know this is hard for you but ultimately at the end of the day it's you that has to be happy.

I can't tell you how many threads I have read, whereby the woman follows the man loses contact with family and all friends, can't find a job, is at home on her own, has no one, goes insane Well not quite and doesn't know how to go backwards as a few years have gone by.

Think very carefully if I was you, I'd stick to the plan. Check EVERYTHING out first.

Oops capitals that's really not something we like here too much .

[MamaaCorydoras]

Thanks again for everyones concern. I have been doing a lot of thinking lately, and a few things have occurred to me:
1. I know I am terrified of losing my boyfriend, and thats the only reason Im contemplating even moving at all.
2. I am terrified of the thought of staying if he decides to go, but at the same time, if he loves me shouldn't he consider my feelings too?
3. It would make more sense for us to attempt staying here and trying living alone first before thinking about moving overseas.
4. Everyone who has mentioned this point is 100% correct: Why should this be a 'now' thing, why would his parents not be open to it later?
5. Should I feel bad for assuming that if his parents really wanted to help, that they would also offer to leave us some money to help us out here if they are truly concerned about their sons security?

I dont know how to feel any more, I makes me physically sick to even think about it. The thought of potentially having him leave me is so overwhelming.
I think I should start preparing to live on my own and prove to him that we will be able to afford living here by ourselves without his parents... I should mention that his parents are offering him a house out of fear for his security and that he will not be able to afford living here on his own with me... So confused!