[effy2014]

I've tried talking to him about it all, but I get nowhere because he says that I'll never admit I'm not an angel. That's just it, I'm more than willing to admit I could have put more in, who couldn't, but would that have stopped the outcome? It's questions like this that drive me batty. Apparently he's weak. I don't know. I don't know anything anymore.

You know everything because you have written his every weakness in your posts. It was not you. Say that 1000 times in the mirror. When that doesn't work, re-read every post in this forum where we have written that it is not your fault.

He will not admit any wrongdoing or give one inch. EVER. This is the last time I will write it -- honest. Maybe Jen is right and its my incessant need to fix things. BUT, if you need him to admit responsibility to feel good about yourself or whether you were a good wife, you will never be happy. He will never give you that closure and you will continue to believe that "you don't know anything anymore."

[atskitty2]

You said that you talk to him about it and get nowhere? Where is it you're trying to get? . What are you really hoping to accomplish with that now?

Are you trying to convince him of his errant ways and to return to you? Are you defending yourself?
No need to answer me-just food for thought my dear.

Look, it really matters little what an angel you were or weren't. God knows I was no angel and neither was my ex. But what i have no regrets about is how I fought for it. I made mistakes and so did he. The difference is that I have the peace that I did all I could to save it. I knew that we were off course and I tried to right the ship.

You weren't given that opportunity. He ditched you, on your anniversary no less, then lied about it.
These were his decisions. Don't drive yourself nuts trying to figure out why he made those choices. He made them because he was disconnected and unhappy. He did it because he wanted to.

[effy2014]

You said that you talk to him about it and get nowhere? Where is it you're trying to get? . What are you really hoping to accomplish with that now?

Are you trying to convince him of his errant ways and to return to you? Are you defending yourself?
No need to answer me-just food for thought my dear.

Look, it really matters little what an angel you were or weren't. God knows I was no angel and neither was my ex. But what i have no regrets about is how I fought for it. I made mistakes and so did he. The difference is that I have the peace that I did all I could to save it. I knew that we were off course and I tried to right the ship.

You weren't given that opportunity. He ditched you, on your anniversary no less, then lied about it.
These were his decisions. Don't drive yourself nuts trying to figure out why he made those choices. He made them because he was disconnected and unhappy. He did it because he wanted to.

Brilliant Post Kitty!

[Pneeleysmom]

You said that you talk to him about it and get nowhere? Where is it you're trying to get? . What are you really hoping to accomplish with that now?

Are you trying to convince him of his errant ways and to return to you? Are you defending yourself?
No need to answer me-just food for thought my dear.

Look, it really matters little what an angel you were or weren't. God knows I was no angel and neither was my ex. But what i have no regrets about is how I fought for it. I made mistakes and so did he. The difference is that I have the peace that I did all I could to save it. I knew that we were off course and I tried to right the ship.

You weren't given that opportunity. He ditched you, on your anniversary no less, then lied about it.
These were his decisions. Don't drive yourself nuts trying to figure out why he made those choices. He made them because he was disconnected and unhappy. He did it because he wanted to.

Oh honey, I'm done talking about those things with him. I was speaking of the beginning. I quit trying to "make things work" a couple months ago. Kitty, I'm obviously not up to speed with you in the healing process, oh how I wish I were. Just you stating that he was unhappy makes me cringe. He seemed perfectly happy until I found out he was running around behind my back. I am at the point now where I will drive myself nuts trying to figure out why I couldn't make him happy but he thinks this other woman can.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Hun, I believed in marriage is for ever as well but left after 7 years, kinda had a simular guy, worse I mean he wouldn't even take the garbage bin out or put a sprinkler on Been with my darling for nearly 5 years now, engaged.

He has told me on several occasions that if I wanted him to change, then to never make him have to ask for sex again. ARG! Our sex life wasn't an every night type thing, but it was a LONG span if we went over a week. You see? I just don't see these being issues big enough to leave your marriage. Apparently he liked what she had to offer. I don't know, but it kills me inside, self esteem and all. I feel like over all these years, he's mentally done something to me that I'll never recover from.

So, you were with a guy that 1) never stood on his own two feet, as he resided with you and your folks at what 16 and didn't have to do a thing. 2) that even when married, didn't "want" to do a thing, so you had a irresponsible, selfish user who was quite happy with you doing everything. 3) His answer to you to be in a committed, joint relationship, called marriage and help each other more, was to demand more sex, give me sex all the time and I'll give you what you want. What does that tell you?

Pfttttttttt. Sex is intimacy a bond, women aren't there for his beck and call, when ever he wants it and in return he may do some dishes. Primitive.

He doesn't see anything in her. Trust, me. She's in lust and is giving him sex. She is probably doing the dishes. After a while, she'll feel used and she'll walk or kick him out.

You have better places to go, just you wait and see. You will not know yourself when the next guy "later" offers to cook with you, do the dishes with you and make love to you, not just want sex .

[Pneeleysmom]

Hun, I believed in marriage is for ever as well but left after 7 years, kinda had a simular guy, worse I mean he wouldn't even take the garbage bin out or put a sprinkler on Been with my darling for nearly 5 years now, engaged.



So, you were with a guy that 1) never stood on his own two feet, as he resided with you and your folks at what 16 and didn't have to do a thing. 2) that even when married, didn't "want" to do a thing, so you had a irresponsible, selfish user who was quite happy with you doing everything. 3) His answer to you to be in a committed, joint relationship, called marriage and help each other more, was to demand more sex, give me sex all the time and I'll give you what you want. What does that tell you?

Pfttttttttt. Sex is intimacy a bond, women aren't there for his beck and call, when ever he wants it and in return he may do some dishes. Primitive.

He doesn't see anything in her. Trust, me. She's in lust and is giving him sex. She is probably doing the dishes. After a while, she'll feel used and she'll walk or kick him out.

You have better places to go, just you wait and see. You will not know yourself when the next guy "later" offers to cook with you, do the dishes with you and make love to you, not just want sex .

How refreshing it is to hear that someone may possibly cook WITH me!!! Geesh, everything you just said was refreshing!!!!

[atskitty2]

2 mos ago- don't be surprised if you cycle through that emotion again. My words still hold weight, regardless of when

You aren't where I am in grieving and healing, no. I've had 2+ yrs since the divorce and even longer counting the time of knowing it was going to happen, then separation, etc. It's a long tough road, and we all heal at our own pace.

You're driving yourself batty over things you have no control over. HE wasn't happy because his communication was lacking, and his expectations were likely unrealistic or unreasonable. Leave it there.

Are you able to take a girl weekend and go to a nice quiet retreat with friends? Try not to dive headlong into parenthood and forget to nurture yourself too.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Truth, the norm.

Ok, let's do this if we may. Then you will see what is normal out there and what you have to look forward to



Guys, what sort of things do you do for your other half as normality in your relationship.



Girls, what sort of things does your guy do for you, as normality in your relationship.


D is a Chef, so sometimes he doesn't like cooking, we both work in effect 2 jobs so lots of hours. D is home M/T/S and occasionally Sun nights.

I cook Mon and Tues, D does the dishes.
D either cooks Saturday or we go out on a "date night". I do the dishes.
We sometimes do Sundays together.

D does his washing on Saturdays, I maintain the bathroom and toilet throughout.
We have a cleaner once a fortnight so either take it in turns to do the floors on the other week.
We both keep an eye on milk etc and bring it home, for the most part I do the shopping though.
He pays his bills I pay mine, we share the joint bills.

We have someone do the lawns but he will rack the gravel, I will pull some weeds.

I feed the dogs and walk them but on his days off/nights, we do that together as well.

I refuse to do the bins He does the bins weekly.

Next.............

[moonnstars]

Hey op, you and I should go out for drinks. You should read my thread "broke up for a month and he got someone pregnant". Nobody deserves what either of us is going through but as they say 'stuff' happens. Stay strong and dont get taken advantage of, you deserve your fair share in child support.

[effy2014]

Truth, the norm.

Ok, let's do this if we may. Then you will see what is normal out there and what you have to look forward to

Guys, what sort of things do you do for your other half as normality in your relationship.

Next.............

1. We communicate our feelings, good and bad. We check in with each other often to make sure things are ok emotionally and try not to go to bed angry . . . if we do, the next morning it is resolved. We read relationship books together.

2. If you've read any if my posts, my passion is to make sure that she is sexually fulfilled, first and often. She is my focus, in bed as it is in life.

3. She does not work, so she cooks and cleans. On the weekends we do errands together. She hates grocery shopping so I am usually the one at the market. I make the calls she does not want to make. She is the queens of getting us the best price on anything. I will take her mother to the market and the mall -- they sometimes have a difficult relationship.

4. We partner with each other on medical and spiritual issues. I go with her for her med checks and went to therapy with her when she was having difficulty getting over issues with her ex. She goes to my dr. appointments. She is catholic and did not want to go to church alone. I'm the one that ends up dragging her and mom to church.

There are lots more.