Women's Health Interactive Forums

  • If this is your first visit, be sure to check out the FAQ by clicking the link above. You may have to register before you can post: click the register link above to proceed. To start viewing messages, select the forum that you want to visit from the selection below.

Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

open marriage....should I be worried?

Collapse
X
Collapse
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • open marriage....should I be worried?

    My husband and I have been married for 20 yrs. We have been living in an open marriage for the last two. I have never been happier and more fulfilled before and in my enthusiasm, fear I have neglected my primary partner. Since a friend brought my attention to a few things, I am noticing changes in him and have found out that he has secretly been "not" participating but has been making it seem like he is...there are other things too.
    I will write more on this...

    Tia

  • If he has not been participating (and the fact that it has been secret leads me to the conclusion that he planned his non participation), why do you suppose he agreed to an open marriage? Were the there significant marital or sexual issues before it became "open"?
    "The only consistent feature of all of your dissatisfying relationships is you." Despair.com "Dysfunction"

    Comment


    • Unless he did this on purpose to use against you which I can't really see, as he agreed. Then, I see what Effy sees and state, "what a loving husband" he didn't want to lose you.
      PUT A LITTLE 'LIKE' IN MY SOUL!

      Comment


      • I've been in an open marriage for awhile now and by and large my husband doesn't participate any longer himself because of some health issues. But it's never been a secret that before this my sex drive was set much higher than his. At our height I might be intimate with four different men a month to his one but it was never an issue. He enjoyed letting me be with other men. In your case though something else is going on since he is keeping things secret from you which is never good. You need to get this out into the open immediately.

        Natalie

        Comment


        • One of the things an open marriage needs if it is going to survive is no or a very limited number of secrets.

          Was the original agreement that both of you were going to have other relationships? The requirement of such sounds like at least one of the partners is trying to minimize guilt be requiring their partner also have other relationships. That may not be a good thing. Often the needs of the partners are not equal - one of the reasons for an open marriage in the first place. To essentially legislate the number of relationships with minimum requirements may not turn out good. If he doesn't want to get in other relationships, why should he be forced to?
          I have but one lamp by which my feet are guided, and that is the lamp of experience.
          ...
          Shall we gather strength by irresolution and inaction? Shall we acquire the means of effectual resistance by lying supinely on our backs and hugging the delusive phantom of hope, until our enemies shall have bound us hand and foot?

          From a speech by Patrick Henry on March 23, 1775 at St. John's Church, Richmond, Virginia

          Comment


          • ^ Seems like the crux of the matter to me. If he's not doing it, he probably doesn't want to. Could be a few reasons for that ....he's just not into it, or he actually only wants to see you do the multiple partners thing, which is a known and very distinct kink for some men.
            [FONT=Trebuchet MS][COLOR="#800080"][B][SIZE=4]Woman trapped inside a woman's body![/SIZE][/COLOR][/B][/FONT]

            Comment


            • Other than a litte monotony, our sex life was good and frequent....it always was. We chose open marriage to liven things up a bit and build relationships with other interesting people and I know that, at least in the begining, he had dates and outings. I have since learned that a lot of his "dates" were just him going to movies or events on his own.

              Comment


              • Does he ever watch your hookups or want detailed reports on them?
                [FONT=Trebuchet MS][COLOR="#800080"][B][SIZE=4]Woman trapped inside a woman's body![/SIZE][/COLOR][/B][/FONT]

                Comment


                • From the begining, at my husband's request, we adopted a "don't ask, don't tell" policy and ever brought it up. Especially in the bedroom. That disappointed me as I really wanted to share my happiness with him, the man I love. Because of this, I can't see him being turned on or aroused by the "cuckold" fantasy.
                  A valid point and made me think.

                  Comment


                  • Any erectile dysfunction issues?
                    [FONT=Trebuchet MS][COLOR="#800080"][B][SIZE=4]Woman trapped inside a woman's body![/SIZE][/COLOR][/B][/FONT]

                    Comment


                    • Not at all. But we do have sex less frequently. He seems to avoid it on occasion especially for a day or two after I have spent time with my secondary partner.
                      This discussion is making me see a little more clearly. Thank you.

                      Comment


                      • Yes, we agreed that both would be free to pursue other relationships. I don't think I would have done it otherwise. But I would never force him into doing anything didn't want to do. What bothers me is him pretending and keeping it to himself.

                        Comment


                        • He is a very loving husband and was never in any danger of losing me. I am sure I made that clear and still do.

                          Comment


                          • You two should have a conversation about why he kept those secrets.
                            I have but one lamp by which my feet are guided, and that is the lamp of experience.
                            ...
                            Shall we gather strength by irresolution and inaction? Shall we acquire the means of effectual resistance by lying supinely on our backs and hugging the delusive phantom of hope, until our enemies shall have bound us hand and foot?

                            From a speech by Patrick Henry on March 23, 1775 at St. John's Church, Richmond, Virginia

                            Comment


                            • In any relationship, communication is essential. Have you asked him why he wanted an open marriage if he was not going to participate?

                              The fact that he does not want to participate or hear about your participation might lead one to the conclusion that he regrets the open marriage decision. Are you prepared for that?
                              "The only consistent feature of all of your dissatisfying relationships is you." Despair.com "Dysfunction"

                              Comment

                              or

                              Womens Health orange logoGet The Newsletter

                              Receive our passionately crafted, medically reviewed articles and insights — the stuff nobody else talks about but you want to know — delivered right to your inbox.

                              Latest Activity On Our Forums

                              Collapse

                              Latest Topics On Our Forums

                              Collapse

                              • Sex with my daughters Boyfriend???

                                Long story short, this guy has been with my daughter for 10 years. They just bought a house and had a new-born. After retiring, I've been helping out...

                                06-15-2021, 09:35 PM By BlondeCougar
                              • Normal to Like Significant Other Walking Around Nude in House with a Bush?

                                Is it normal to like your partner to walk around fully nude in the house with a bush? To enjoy looking at "big chest" and "big behind"?...

                                06-14-2021, 05:14 PM By lakeocean
                              • Erotica

                                I love erotica! It’s such a fun way to get off. Stimulating the mind and body at the same time. If you like to read erotica too, I’d like to know...

                                06-09-2021, 12:14 PM By Zoë T.
                              • Ever Tried Laser Hair Removal?

                                I’m interested in getting laser hair removal for my pubic hair and armpits. I’m worried about the pain aspect of laser hair removal - if you’ve...

                                06-09-2021, 11:40 AM By Zoë T.
                              • Grower vs Shower

                                Does anybody have experience with a guy's penis changing significantly in length when getting hard?? Or not changing at all? I've only experienced a tiny...

                                06-03-2021, 04:40 PM By Julia W.
                              Working...
                              X