[sintia79]

My husband and I have been married for 20 yrs. We have been living in an open marriage for the last two. I have never been happier and more fulfilled before and in my enthusiasm, fear I have neglected my primary partner. Since a friend brought my attention to a few things, I am noticing changes in him and have found out that he has secretly been "not" participating but has been making it seem like he is...there are other things too.
I will write more on this...

Tia

[effy2014]

If he has not been participating (and the fact that it has been secret leads me to the conclusion that he planned his non participation), why do you suppose he agreed to an open marriage? Were the there significant marital or sexual issues before it became "open"?

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Unless he did this on purpose to use against you which I can't really see, as he agreed. Then, I see what Effy sees and state, "what a loving husband" he didn't want to lose you.

[Natalie1962]

I've been in an open marriage for awhile now and by and large my husband doesn't participate any longer himself because of some health issues. But it's never been a secret that before this my sex drive was set much higher than his. At our height I might be intimate with four different men a month to his one but it was never an issue. He enjoyed letting me be with other men. In your case though something else is going on since he is keeping things secret from you which is never good. You need to get this out into the open immediately.

Natalie

[jns]

One of the things an open marriage needs if it is going to survive is no or a very limited number of secrets.

Was the original agreement that both of you were going to have other relationships? The requirement of such sounds like at least one of the partners is trying to minimize guilt be requiring their partner also have other relationships. That may not be a good thing. Often the needs of the partners are not equal - one of the reasons for an open marriage in the first place. To essentially legislate the number of relationships with minimum requirements may not turn out good. If he doesn't want to get in other relationships, why should he be forced to?

[jen1447]

^ Seems like the crux of the matter to me. If he's not doing it, he probably doesn't want to. Could be a few reasons for that ....he's just not into it, or he actually only wants to see you do the multiple partners thing, which is a known and very distinct kink for some men.

[sintia79]

Other than a litte monotony, our sex life was good and frequent....it always was. We chose open marriage to liven things up a bit and build relationships with other interesting people and I know that, at least in the begining, he had dates and outings. I have since learned that a lot of his "dates" were just him going to movies or events on his own.

[jen1447]

Does he ever watch your hookups or want detailed reports on them?

[sintia79]

From the begining, at my husband's request, we adopted a "don't ask, don't tell" policy and ever brought it up. Especially in the bedroom. That disappointed me as I really wanted to share my happiness with him, the man I love. Because of this, I can't see him being turned on or aroused by the "cuckold" fantasy.
A valid point and made me think.

[jen1447]

Any erectile dysfunction issues?