Calibri, I still have to go look for your other threads to understand your relationship better, but from reading this thread, the impression I get is that it can't be fixed.
This is a toxic relationship, broken to a level it can't be fixed.
The fact you're kind of supposed to do him sexual favors as reward... or something... that doesn't make sense. I totally understand couples having sex when one wants it a lot, even though the other one isn't that much in the mood. But this is different. You're being abused. This isn't alright. That he wants this, or accepts this... what does that say about him? Or rather, about the two of you, what you've become to each other?
You're having a hard time to let it go.
You know, even relationships that involve love from both parts can be bad. My first husband, we loved each other. But we were so different, and we were fighting and offending each other, hurting each other. We just didn't fit. He made me a monster and I've made him one, too. I was so young, having married in my teens a much older man. After parting, when he finally let me go, I've become the person I knew I could be, instead of that resentful mess.
We only live once and life is really short... and so fragile.
I don't want to hurt you. But, please, reflect upon it all. Is it really worth to keep going?
An alarming sign is that you're losing yourself into it. How could you not remember things you say you don't remember?
It isn't a matter of knowing who's wrong. I think something can only get that bad when both are wrong. But that doesn't matter, and what do I know?
Moving on is very difficult, but living like the two of you are doing is also very difficult.
I'm sending you many hugs. You're in a horrible place, right now. He's in a horrible place. You may both be incredible loving, fantastic people. But you're hurting each other so much.
I worried when you said you didn't remember things that are very grave. And the sexual thing.
What's the next step in this escalating violent relationship? Because verbal violence is still violence.
Love is important. Love is beautiful. But love is not enough. Even when both sides feel the same.
This is a toxic relationship, broken to a level it can't be fixed.
The fact you're kind of supposed to do him sexual favors as reward... or something... that doesn't make sense. I totally understand couples having sex when one wants it a lot, even though the other one isn't that much in the mood. But this is different. You're being abused. This isn't alright. That he wants this, or accepts this... what does that say about him? Or rather, about the two of you, what you've become to each other?
You're having a hard time to let it go.
You know, even relationships that involve love from both parts can be bad. My first husband, we loved each other. But we were so different, and we were fighting and offending each other, hurting each other. We just didn't fit. He made me a monster and I've made him one, too. I was so young, having married in my teens a much older man. After parting, when he finally let me go, I've become the person I knew I could be, instead of that resentful mess.
We only live once and life is really short... and so fragile.
I don't want to hurt you. But, please, reflect upon it all. Is it really worth to keep going?
An alarming sign is that you're losing yourself into it. How could you not remember things you say you don't remember?
It isn't a matter of knowing who's wrong. I think something can only get that bad when both are wrong. But that doesn't matter, and what do I know?
Moving on is very difficult, but living like the two of you are doing is also very difficult.
I'm sending you many hugs. You're in a horrible place, right now. He's in a horrible place. You may both be incredible loving, fantastic people. But you're hurting each other so much.
I worried when you said you didn't remember things that are very grave. And the sexual thing.
What's the next step in this escalating violent relationship? Because verbal violence is still violence.
Love is important. Love is beautiful. But love is not enough. Even when both sides feel the same.
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