[xxforxx]

I have a problem. Me and my boyfriend have been together for almost two years now, and I am in love with him. Our relationship has been amazing and even when we got in fights, they weren't serious or anything. Just yesterday, me and him were talking. He kept texting this girl, who I know is his friend who is very depressed and he helps her through a lot. I asked him a serious question, which was if he had a crush on her. And he said yes. He told me it was only a tiny crush and it really meant nothing. He only like how she looked at life the same way that he does. I am a very emotional person, which I hate, but can't control. Is this normal? I know he loves me, and I do trust him. I know he is not gonna cheat on me and I trust him with all my life. But I just have all these mixed feelings that I just don't know how to get out of my head.
Jealousy: We live a few hours away from each other so we only get to see each other once a week. And idk if this is normal, but I feel so jeleous. They go to the same school, so him and her see each other everyday and talk. Its not just them, they are always in a group. But I just can't deal with the feeling that they go to all these places together and hang out all day. I don't know how to explain it exactly.
Also this has happened before, when he liked this other girl because he thought she was good looking, but it just hurts now because this time its not a normal physical attraction, its an emotional attraction(i think on her side too). And I feel like this is much worse?
Its just such a problem for me because I can't get this out of my head... I honestly just can't stop crying. I don't really have friends(I'm homeschooled) so I have no one to talk about this except my boyfriend.
He does not want to stop talking to her because she really has emotional problems to the point that she has these crazy attacks and can kill her self. I don't want to make him not be friends which her because she does mean a lot to him as a friend. But honestly(as mean as it sounds) I just want her out of his life I don't know how to tell him or if I should?
He has only known her for about 2 months and he said he had this crush for a few weeks and I don't know
Also she smokes a lot a does other drugs and now he has been as well because of her, which hurts me because I am against smoking because of a family issue and I just don't want that to happen to him...
it really hurts to know that his heart was all to me and now she is there too. I know I am probably overreacting, but I have been in an abusive relationship and relationship which I was cheated on and relationships where my ex's would just treat me like I was worthless. And everything about him is just amazing. And I don't want to push him away with this
I just want things back to how they were 2 months ago, where I was the only one in his heart...
What should I do, or say to him, and how can I get this out of my head?
PLEASE HELP ME :'(

[Stillness]

xxforxx There's a recent conversation here: https://www.womens-health.com/boards...ds-how-do.html regarding this issue from some of the members. It shows how people view and handle friendships.

I think that the correct answer to your question is, "no answer." My lady asked me if I found a single friend of ours attractive. I told her yes thinking it was no big deal, only to find out that she believed that she was the only person in the world I was attracted to. It caused an entirely unnecessary fit of jealousy. It's unnecessary because it is natural. Because you think someone else is attractive doesn't mean you'll fall in love with them or cheat. I honestly find most of our friends attractive on some level, but that's as far as it goes. That's the way it is for a lot of people.

I think it's cool that he felt comfortable enough to tell you. He let you know that it's minor and doesn't mean anything. Unless you've got a legitimate reason to doubt that you have to take him at his word.

At the same time, if we're committed to a relationship, it's fair to expect a certain level of commitment from the other person. It's good to talk about boundaries and expectations to make sure you're on the same page. Maybe he would be willing to place some limitations on their contact for your sake.

[effy2014]

If I may ask a question, xxforxx, how old are the two of you? I will assume, because you describe yourself as "homeschooled" that you are both in high school.

There are lots of boys (and girls as well) with the "rescuer" gene. His friend is in crises (and will probably always be in crises) and he will come to the rescue. He seems to believe that their relationship is not romantic and he has been honest with you that he has a crush on her . . . but only a little one.

I know he loves me, and I do trust him. I know he is not gonna cheat on me and I trust him with all my life. But I just have all these mixed feelings that I just don't know how to get out of my head.

You really have two choices. You can trust him with the risk that he will break your heart. He has been your boyfriend for two years, you have confidence that he loves you, he has been honest with you and you do notnthink that he will cheat.

The second choice is to demand that he stop talking to her. He won't -- he is genuinely concerned about her mental health. But he will go underground with it and just stop talking to you about it. You will continue to be jealous, snoop around and pretty much guaranty that that the girl will drive such a wedge between you that the relationship will be doomed and she will be there to pick up the pieces.

I get the jealousy, but this is as good a point in your young life to start controlling yourself. Very few high school relationships last. Take the trust fall. Be supportive and encourage him to be open to you about it.

Also she smokes a lot a does other drugs and now he has been as well because of her, which hurts me because I am against smoking because of a family issue and I just don't want that to happen to him... (

This is an issue you can bring up. He shouldn't be smoking or taking drugs. Express your concerns.

it really hurts to know that his heart was all to me and now she is there too. I know I am probably overreacting, but I have been in an abusive relationship and relationship which I was cheated on and relationships where my ex's would just treat me like I was worthless. And everything about him is just amazing. And I don't want to push him away with this
I just want things back to how they were 2 months ago, where I was the only one in his heart...
PLEASE HELP ME :'(

The risk of overreacting will be to push him away. You are the only one in his heart in a romantic way. Another learning experience for you will be to try to communicate with him on this issue without accusing him or her of anything. I would tell him that he is a great friend to her and that you admire that trait in him . . . it's what makes him a great boyfriend to you. But, you need him to be honest with you. Can he help her without acting on his crush? If you can be controlled about this, he may fall more in love with you.