[C]

After I posted my "admission" of having a relationship with a married man I regretted it. At the time I just felt that I needed to put it out there to show that it does happen even to those of us who have strong beliefs about such things. I know no one here knows me but if you knew the person I was before it happened you would have thought I would have never committed such a wrong - I certainly never thought I would. I couldn't understand how anyone could do such a thing.

He was a friend to my ex-husband and myself. I was at the end of my bad (verbally abusive etc.) marriage and was at the point that I had no self esteem. He saw the opportunity and took it. This man was cunning. He knew exactly what to say and do to get what he wanted. I heard stories about his "terrible in laws" and how terrible his wife was, how she mistreated him, and even how bad a mother she was. Among those I heard stories about how wonderful I was, how he dreamed of a life with me, how much he loved me etc. etc.

I have never claimed to be without fault but when I look back on it I think that had I not been in such a state of mind at that particular point in time, I never would have fallen into such a terrible situation. I don't think I will ever forgive myself for giving in. That affair is one mistake in my life that I would give anything to take back.

Honey, life is full of thoughts of "take back's". Some we can and some we can't. If you look at your affair and what I did, I am not sure if I would be classified as acting like a wh*re or a sl*t. I fitted the bill for each of them.....I was one thing....Great looking and did not know who lived inside my body....A hot young woman, lovely to look at and ripe for picking...I had not yet even let my sailor into my pants...I was 20 years old and hot to trot and I think back on this and smile for mine was a part of my life that made me who and what I am today just as your adventure was to you...No matter how much we want to regret it, we both learned from it....

What did we learn from it is a memory that will always stay with us..We learned that man is a wonderful animal that can awaken us to the soul of our being...He can sweet talk and flatter and if the time is right and the moon is set just at the right point and a dog barks a certain way that we are dying to be fuc*ed...We learned that we have this awakening between our legs that stirs with the passion of being a woman and like the animal's in the jungle we will seek that mate for mating...We are sexually hungry and need to be filled....And that is the name of wanting sex. Something that many of us deny, but stirs us with the passion and want of sex, and is our missing peg in life..

You were lonely and hurting and he being the male fox knew his moves...I had my own male fox who was 30 years older who found a beautiful young woman and with flattering words, talked her pants and bra off....Hey, it was my fault too...I wanted what I did not know....Should I dam myself...Nope....It was fun....Do I regret it....Yes and No...More NO...I needed it...We never had intercourse but everything else...I was so sexually hungry that I let this continue for months...Maybe it stopped a month before my husband got out of service and came home to marry me...This was not easy to stop...He was my boss and he, being a smart man, did not want it to stop...This really messed with my mind for a while but somehow I made it through......But honey, it is the life of a woman...We are the animal that needs the sex...We deny what we need and when it happens we do not know how to handle it but give in...We hurt and our pu*sy needs filling...And then later in life we dam ourselves for what we did because we were weak....Not realizing that it was just the animal in us that lost control....

I believe what happened to me happened because it was supposed to happen...I was too sexually hot and needed this calming...Maybe it kept me chaste in a marriage but it happened because it was supposed to happen. It does not make it right but allows me to accept who I am as you must accept what you live with...You are not bad, because if you are, then I am, and honey, I am a good woman..

With all of my admissions and life I write to the world...Sure I could be found out and don't want to be but you admitted something because you knew that admitting it that you were helping another woman...You were saying we are not all perfect, but we are all good women and so are you..

When my husband told me of the possible affair with the woman waiting at the hotel, I was scared to ask him if he went. When he said NO I breathed easier but either way he would have this same tiger in bed with him....I would not have changed....If anything, I am more wild than I used to be and if at that time a simple one night stand had came into my life, I would never have given him up....A long affair where he loves two women is another story but, a one night stand would weight different.

Knowing what I know has helped me as a woman...I am able to say I had an affair with a married man and I had a husband that could have had one...She was waiting at the hotel...This last admission by him less than 8 months ago has put me in a place in life where I can really talk with women....I hurt for either side for I, too, am a woman with the passion of all my yesterday's.........

Honey, we grow and grow......we have no lessons in life..............but my dear, we are all sister's and a Forum such as this is our bonding place........I can reach out to you and say I understand............And you can feel the vibes of loves coming through the keyboard to you........Now, just enjoy life and have a ball....Look back and smile, for each is a another lesson in life.....I know, I am still learning.. .xox Caroline

[Fallen1]

Thanks Caroline and Chandler for your kind words. I apreciate them very much.

I would also like to add comment to the one poster who seemed to be placing more blame on the women involved. Funny how it seems the females are always the ones that get the worst wrap in these kind of situations. It's not really fair when you think about it, as the old saying goes "it takes two to tango".

As in my case, it's not always the women that are the aggressors. When the circumstances I was involved in came about, I had no interest whatsoever in pursuing this man for the main reason that he had a family. He had been a good friend and that's all the interest I had in him. I never had the intentions of starting a relationship. Had he not made the first move nothing would have ever developed. Although BOTH of us are to blame equally for the situation, I ended up being the one that got the "black mark" on my reputation and he is still living happily (by appearances anyway) from what I hear with his wife.

I happened to run into his sister in law a couple of weeks ago at a restaurant and she called me over to see how I was doing. One of the things she said to me was "I don't have any bad feelings towards you at all, I know who and what he is". She proceeded to tell me about how she was showing her wedding pictures to a friend back a year or so ago and this woman pointed at him in the picture and asked how she knew him. When she told this woman it was her brother in law the woman's response was "I'm so sorry. You know he is nothing but a womanizer". She then told me that she would bet he was still cheating on his wife but had just gotten smarter about it.

[C]

Thanks Caroline and Chandler for your kind words. I apreciate them very much.

I would also like to add comment to the one poster who seemed to be placing more blame on the women involved. Funny how it seems the females are always the ones that get the worst wrap in these kind of situations. It's not really fair when you think about it, as the old saying goes "it takes two to tango".

As in my case, it's not always the women that are the aggressors. When the circumstances I was involved in came about, I had no interest whatsoever in pursuing this man for the main reason that he had a family. He had been a good friend and that's all the interest I had in him. I never had the intentions of starting a relationship. Had he not made the first move nothing would have ever developed. Although BOTH of us are to blame equally for the situation, I ended up being the one that got the "black mark" on my reputation and he is still living happily (by appearances anyway) from what I hear with his wife.

I happened to run into his sister in law a couple of weeks ago at a restaurant and she called me over to see how I was doing. One of the things she said to me was "I don't have any bad feelings towards you at all, I know who and what he is". She proceeded to tell me about how she was showing her wedding pictures to a friend back a year or so ago and this woman pointed at him in the picture and asked how she knew him. When she told this woman it was her brother in law the woman's response was "I'm so sorry. You know he is nothing but a womanizer". She then told me that she would bet he was still cheating on his wife but had just gotten smarter about it.

Your problem is that you were found out and it was in the same town...That is rough...Me, I was so stu*id....The man who shared the office tried to get in and the dooor was locked as we were in the back room and then the wonderful boss who told me I was the kind of woman that men would love, smart talker, but I guess I was nice and easy and willing to give it out, told another salesman out of State about me...I did not realize this until he came to town and called and asked me out...I was engaged but thought it was a simple friendly dinner...Talk about dumb...He got mad during dinner as all I would talk about was my sailor and wanted to see pictures of his wife and kids.....Now, Fallen, don't ever talk about your mistake...Mine was a bomb....But I did it, admit it, own up to it and have lived with it....My husband does not know about it and I will never tell him but still am happy it happened....

You probably would feel different if he was not in the same town with you....Life is wild but so darn much fun.....I swear I could write a book....TC, C

[Fallen1]

....My husband does not know about it.....

One good thing is that my present man knows about this affair and I don't feel like I'm hiding anything about myself from him. He became a friend of mine back when the affair was still going on. He was the one I confided in and listened while I expressed my guilt for what was happening. He was even the one that let me cry on his shoulder when it all came out in the open and the "sh*t hit the fan". He stuck around and continued to be my friend and things eventually evolved into what they are today.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Thanks Caroline and Chandler for your kind words. I apreciate them very much.

I would also like to add comment to the one poster who seemed to be placing more blame on the women involved. Funny how it seems the females are always the ones that get the worst wrap in these kind of situations. It's not really fair when you think about it, as the old saying goes "it takes two to tango".

As in my case, it's not always the women that are the aggressors. When the circumstances I was involved in came about, I had no interest whatsoever in pursuing this man for the main reason that he had a family. He had been a good friend and that's all the interest I had in him. I never had the intentions of starting a relationship. Had he not made the first move nothing would have ever developed. Although BOTH of us are to blame equally for the situation, I ended up being the one that got the "black mark" on my reputation and he is still living happily (by appearances anyway) from what I hear with his wife.

I happened to run into his sister in law a couple of weeks ago at a restaurant and she called me over to see how I was doing. One of the things she said to me was "I don't have any bad feelings towards you at all, I know who and what he is". She proceeded to tell me about how she was showing her wedding pictures to a friend back a year or so ago and this woman pointed at him in the picture and asked how she knew him. When she told this woman it was her brother in law the woman's response was "I'm so sorry. You know he is nothing but a womanizer". She then told me that she would bet he was still cheating on his wife but had just gotten smarter about it.

Vulnerable/Nieve:- How many men do we know that fit into that catagory? Not boys but men, not one but both....

We all know that a woman becomes more of a woman as she ages, in all aspects of her life, statistics prove so. it's written.

Young, we are not only vulnerable but nieve in many ways..

HE SAYS:-

"I love you" - actually i said that to get into your pants

"Your are so gorgeous" - same thing, will that do it

"I have never met anyone like you your incredible" - bet you are in bed to.

What was that saying? "ONE TRACK MIND"

Words of a man when your young, are what ever woman lonely, in-secure, needy, down and out, having left a bad relationship so desperately want to be heard, loved, desperately..........

Stands to reason then that we will "jump" at those words and possibly, those who are totally complete and happy would see through them, but not if you are vulnerable or and, nieve you are in a completely different state of mind at that point.....

Yes, i to found a post on here hard to take. It is always the woman...

Yes, it takes two, but the above as long as i am alive, holds true in almost each case, unless she is a preditor and loves control, having what ever she wants and just takes it and she is out there to, but more percentages of those situations are like above italics.

Take On-line dating..... Women do not go on there because they are desperate...as they will be seeking all avenues of looking for Mr Right, they are seeking....

But if they are vulnerable and recently been through any of those "italics" and are not strong in themselves then they will not see those italic highlighted words above and get caught as well by the preditors seeking divorced women, seperated women only, as you tick those boxes and seek to "get them into bed" use and abuse, seeya. And, some of those guys are married.

In that instance, they may not even know... but they may be blamed as well, if it occurs and established.


Men are buggers if they want it, and they see one ounce of lonliness, un-happiness, hurt, they will pray on, of course, only if that's their nature to do so. But there are a lot of them out there.

I imagine you felt great when you were told that story by the sister of her brother-in-law and the response of another lady. In other words, "the truth always comes out" eventually....

Sounds and seems though that this relationship is special in your life, so past is past, present is present and future is future... No need to keep going into the past, it's one of lifes lessons, love your present and have a ball in your future i say....

[just4me]

I am so glad I started this thread. I have learned so much from what everyone has posted here. Fallen thank you for sharing with me/us. I find your experience so similar to mine.

I found out about all of his other conquests because I caught him having a online thing with another woman back in 2005...duh me I forgave him. But the women he was talking to is now one of my best friends and the shocking part is we are just alike. I don't know why I say that is shocking, my therapist says he seeks out women just like me. And he is right he does. From all the women he has had affairs with are alot like me. Not only in looks, but also with their hearts. We are all very giving and give him all of us. He seeks out women with low self esteem for whatever reason they have it. And he plays on that. Now I do know for sure that I am the longest affair he has ever had, so that makes me feel that is because I was the most niave...maybe.

My therapist says its like he has a sense for women just like me and thats how he gets what he wants. I have heard it all, that I am the ONE for him, I am his soul mate, he has never loved anyone the way he loves me, not even his wife, he wants to spend the rest of his life with me. I have heard it all. And as I said I fell for it completely and totally.

My friends say girl,,you have never been a person to take sh*t what are you doing. Heck I've even asked myself that, don't know why but I did it.

I agree with Fallen, it takes 2 to tango. And for people to only judge the women is totally unfair. I DID NOT pursue this man. He pursued me. Yes when I found he was married I should have ran away, but hey we don't always do whats right in life. There are memories I have of him that I do cherish and that may be wrong of me because of the circumstances but I do. See I had never met a person that I was so compatiable with. We had so much in common but then again that could have been part of his game too.

See I found out in 2005 what he was like and I still stayed...maybe I am glutten for punishment. But NOW I have opened my eyes and see him for what he really is. Even if he came to me tomorrow and said look I am divorced here are the papers it wouldn't matter. Because I know he would cheat on me as well...heck he did. And that is just the one time I know of.

I will grow from this and I will make it. My heart hurts but I know that to will heal.

[rcoreyus]

When you have done wrong and repent it, forgive yourself completely. Then assume that you owe someone in the world forgiveness in return. That is fair and will make the world a happier place.

[just4me]

Something I read today that touched me....

I would have gone to bed when I was sick instead of pretending the earth would go into a holding pattern if I weren't there for the day.
I would have burned the pink candle sculpted like a rose before it melted in storage.
I would have talked less and listened more.
I would have invited friends over to dinner even if the carpet was stained and the sofa was faded.
I would have eaten the popcorn in the 'good' living room and worried much less about the dirt when someone wanted to light a fire in the fireplace.
I would have taken the time to listen to my grandfather ramble about his youth.
I would have shared more of the responsibility carried by my husband.
I would never have insisted the car windows be rolled up on a summer day because my hair had just been teased and sprayed.
I would have sat on the lawn, with my grass stains.
I would have cried and laughed less while watching television and more while watching life.
I would never have bought anything just because it was practical, wouldn't show soil, or was guaranteed to last a lifetime.
Instead of wishing away nine months of pregnancy, I'd have cherished every moment and realized that the wonderment growing inside me was the only chance in life to assist God in a miracle.
When my kids kissed me impetuously, I would never have said, 'Later. Now go get washed up for dinner' There would have been more 'I love you's'; more 'I'm sorry's.'

But mostly, given another shot at life, I would seize every minute...look at it and really see it.. live it and never give it back. STOP SWEATING THE SMALL STUFF!!!

Don't worry about who doesn't like you, who has more, or who's doing what.
Instead let's cherish the relationships we have with those who do love us.
Let's think about what God HAS blessed us with, and what we are doing each day to promote ourselves mentally, physically, and emotionally. I hope you have a blessed day. ..

[kaylar]

When someone gets into this kind of mix up,
it is usual that he is lying to both his wife
and the other woman.

In a few cases, yes, the O.W. (Other woman)
knows he's married, but goes after him anyway
because she has a very low self-image and needs
to 'prove' she is 'better' than the wife.

In most, either she doesn't know he is married,
or she knows he's married but doesn't know he
is living with his wife in a marriage, or
permutations thereof.

to put it simply;

"Hey, Babes, I'm married, going home to my wife,
but want an affair with you, because I'm a
worthless kind of guy who likes to screw around"

is not what he is going to say.

As the relationship between H and O.W. goes on,
and more 'clues' are dropped, the O.W. has to
get out of the situation.

All the...'he can't live without me'
'the last time I tried to leave he became hysterical'
'He really loves me'
'I can't live without him'

Bullfeathers...(you know I meant to post something else)
have to be excreted, and the ugly painful truth exposed.

Whatever deception got you into the relationship, you
have to recognise it and get out. To hold to the
deceptions, to pretend otherwise, that is when you
err...

Men lie.
They lie to get women into bed.

But there are also women who go after married men.

In October there was the most incredible scene I
witnessed, (and if I hadn't been in the company of
others, I would think I imagined it)

A woman for whom I had done a divorce was living
right across the road from her ex. She had her
own life and friends and there was a fairly
amicable relationship between the exs.

I was visiting with her and a few friends, (we
belonged to a particular organisation and were
discussing a function)...

When this loud mouthed trash came to the ex-H's
gate, shrieking at the top of her voice. On and
on and on, and the H was hiding in his house.

Apparently the trash was cursing the husband
because she had gotten into an affair with him,
thinking he was still married to the wife, and
was so angry that he had 'fooled' her.

So these kinds of women do exist.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

JUST4ME.... "Stop Sweating the small stuff" A long time since i've read that saying, for me it eased the preasure from yesterday, where i lost a sale that i needed for this month..... Bugger, go and get another one!!!!!! Small stuff, in the scheme of things...... thanks for sharing that.

KAYLAR.... If i was standing across that street, and heard this "trash" ranting and raving about thinking the man was married, hense she thought she was having an affair", as a neighbour.... let alone the actual ex - wife, i don't know whether i would laugh or cry with laughter, i know that wasn't meant to be funny, merely expressing what is out there as well, but gee i can "see that" in my minds eye.....