[lillymilly7]

I totally agree w/ the comment that "princess" made. I have been reading alot about open relationships out of a strange curiosity. I just cant believe that any couple would subject themselves to the nightmare of allowing their partner or themselves to being intimate w/ a person outside of their relationship. I actually think that people that do that are not "in love". Before being w/ my current fiance I was involved with a guy for 5 years. I was only 20 years old when we became involved and even though I thought he was really good looking and had a great job looking back I realize I was not "in love" w/ him. I ended up not really being fulfilled in the relationship (mayb too young to commit and w/ the wrong person) and he and I became like brother and sister. Just like friends w/ no romantic spark. Anyway, I went out all of the time and I was constantly meeting other guys (just flirting and mayb a kiss). Until I finally, at the end of the 4th year fully cheated on him. Anyway, it wasnt b/c I was unable to commit it was b/c I was in the wrong relationship. And conversely, I really didnt care if he was w/ other girls I eventually lost all romantic feelings. So yes, if I had remained in that relat. I would probably right now be a huge and advocate and participant in open relationships, but only b/c I was ultimately totally unfulfilled in my primary relat. Now I am w/ my soul mate. I am 29 years old. And neither he nor I could imagine being w/ another or ever allowing it. We love spending as much time together as possible. I think he is the most handsome, caring, life changing person I have ever met. I love his imperfections and I could care less what anyone else thinks. Every day our love and sex life becomes more fulfilling , amazing, and intimate. ANd I cant imagine sharing that experience w/ anyone else or he doing so either. Call me closed minded, I dont care if you are truly in love and w/ the right person your gut would most likely not allow such a breech of intimacy. I know, I have been on both sides of the coin.

You are a very lucky girl!

[KatrinaCarly]

I'm in an open relationship at the moment, but was kind of forced into it by my boyfriend after he got drunk and slept with someone else when we were in a closed relationship. he said he only wanted it to just incase he did it again, then he wouldnt worry about how i reacted. i'm not happy about it, as it's not how i think things should be, i'm one of the people that don't think open relationships work.

when i was talking to him on the phone last night, he was asking me about what is allowed in an open relationship. as he has either slept with someone else or is thinking of doing it.

i really want to tell him that i don't want to be in a open relationship as i am still faithful and would not even dream of doing something with anyone else, but clearly he does, and i know that if i say i don't want to be in the open relationship i want it to be closed again he'll break up with me, as that was what he was going to do before i had to agree for our relationship to be open. it sucks.

i wish men wouldn't suggest these silly things, they're stupid, and they hurt, the last thing i need to think of is the person that i love to be sleeping with other people.

[WildChild]

Why are you staying? What makes him so desirable? Obviously this is making you miserable. You need to realize that right now either way you lose. If you don't stand up and state what you want, he is calling all the shots, there is no balance in the relationship and it isn't likely to improve. You say the alternative is losing him. At least you'll be able to get over it and move on. That's a lot better than being stuck and unhappy.

Tell him good bye. He doesn't want what you want, it doesn't make either of you right or wrong. You just aren't on the same page.

[stressed]

I've been in a semi-open relationship before (I was only with my ex, but I didn't care whether he slept with others or not, as he told me it was what he wanted, even though he became extremely jealous at one point, thinking I was doing the same even if I wasn't).

I think it all depends on the relationship you have and what you want. Personally, I don't find the low number of past sexual partners a good reason to start an open relationship. I'm currently on my third relationship and even though I think sex is different with different men, the bottom line is that it's the same thing. Why have sex with another man when I can try different things with the man I already have and love? And to think that my man would have sex with random women when at the same time claims he loves me... I don't know, it wouldn't connect. I've had more partners than my fiance and he doesn't mind that one bit as he knows how I feel about him.

When I was in that open relationship I always had the feeling that I wouldn't stay with that man forever, I never thought of marriage or children, it was only a relationship I had for the fun and the experience, even if I did feel I was in love with him. If he would have asked me to marry I'd panic. But there was always a part that told me it wouldn't last; so I didn't care about what he did. But today... I wouldn't want to have children with a man who sees sex as a hobby and I wouldn't want to try any new guy out either. There are fantasies that work better in one's mind than in reality but, of course, there are also happy couples in open relationships.

[stressed]

I'm in an open relationship at the moment, but was kind of forced into it by my boyfriend after he got drunk and slept with someone else when we were in a closed relationship. he said he only wanted it to just incase he did it again, then he wouldnt worry about how i reacted. i'm not happy about it, as it's not how i think things should be, i'm one of the people that don't think open relationships work.

when i was talking to him on the phone last night, he was asking me about what is allowed in an open relationship. as he has either slept with someone else or is thinking of doing it.

i really want to tell him that i don't want to be in a open relationship as i am still faithful and would not even dream of doing something with anyone else, but clearly he does, and i know that if i say i don't want to be in the open relationship i want it to be closed again he'll break up with me, as that was what he was going to do before i had to agree for our relationship to be open. it sucks.

i wish men wouldn't suggest these silly things, they're stupid, and they hurt, the last thing i need to think of is the person that i love to be sleeping with other people.

Tell him exactly that; that you don't want to be in an open relationship anymore. If he wants to break up then you will have to accept it for your own sake because he is not going to change any time soon. You are not happy and suffering because your partner has sex with other women is not healthy. You are NOT supposed to be happy with this situation and he cannot force you to accept it. You seem to both want different things.

[Miya]

Katrina,

You're not happy about it and that's enough. A relationship needs to have the respect of both partners and it sounds like it's an open excuse for him to have this fling "just in case" which I feel disrepects you and your intentions. Were it I, I'd talk with him and tell him how I feel and let him know that it's not good for your relationship to have this. Judging by his reaction to this (understanding, anger, defense, etc.) you can make your decision whether it's worth staying in the relationship and making it work or moving on and keeping your self-respect and integrity.

[familyman]

my b/f & I had a talk today about having an open relationship...he said that he has absolutely no problem with it, as long as it is with certain guys, that he approves. he said he has no problem with it, b/c he doesn't want me to feel trapped and he wants to keep me happy, so if its what i want (which it isnt) then i can go for it. but i said well i dont think id feel very comfortable with you sleeping with other girls, so matter who they were, but i cant just sit there knowing that your doing someone else. n he said okay then i wont, but you can. n hes also open to everything else, like threesomes, lesbians, other guys...i dont understand how guys can think that way. i would feel totally uncomfortable and hurt to think about my guy doing some other chick. am i the only one?!

Hello I'm in the same boat.My g/f said thats she confused about our relationship, and that she loves me and wants to be with me.i know what i want from the relationship but she wants a open relationship so she can sleep with other men.I said yea it's ok as long as i can do it aswell.now thinking about it i can handle her sleeping with another bloke,it makes my feelings for her change.I would never sleep with another women.I would do anything to safe my relationships but is it worth it???

[msnette]

I understand what u talking about because i have a friend and we have been friends for a long time and he wanted to have an open relationship and yes i was ok with it at first but then i couldnt handle it because he would meet all different types of women and he would bring them to his house with him are they would come over to see him and spend the night. We had talked about it but i only wanted to make him happy thats why i agreed to it but i cant do this anymore. I love him and he no that but i dont think he care for real. I think he care about me but he want me and other women to. He tell me there isnt nothing there but i feel like if there isnt nothing there why do these women spend the night every other night or every night? He would tel me that that is his house and he can do what ever he want and have who ever he want over his house because he pay his bills and that let me no that i need to leave him alone and let him be. He act like he want me and want to be with me but then again when he would meet a woman his demeanor for me changes and thats not good at all.

[msnette]

No matter what i do to show him that i want him and him only he still want to have an open relationship but i dont. I think it would be better if i just let him go and do what he do. I hope he find what he looking for out there because i dont have it. Why is it that men and some women wants an open relationship with there partner even if things are good?

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Welcome to the Fourm msnette.

The origional poster of this Thread, never came back to reply, from 2009.

However, as you've written on the thread, we'll reply to you

i have a friend and we have been friends for a long time and he wanted to have an open relationship and yes i was ok with it at first but then i couldnt handle it

He would tel me that that is his house and he can do what ever he want and have who ever he want over his house because he pay his bills and that let me no that i need to leave him alone and let him be

You know, usually people agree because they believe that once the other person gets to know them, they will change their mind and form an exclusive relationship...

But, the person who asks, usually doesn't want 'any' commitment and as you can see, it's not worked the way you had probably hoped. Instead you are a "friends with benefits".

The problem is that you agreed, so his comment above is true, it is his house and you were asked and stated yes.

However, don't you think you now deserve more? And, that those comments really are a bit harsh instead of " I did ask you and you were okay with it, sorry if it hurts you, I 'm not ready for a committed relationship, I'm sorry, and I understand if you need to get out of this"..?

It sounds to me that you don't have a man whom has a backbone and cares at all, rather one that will continue to do what he wants,string you along, so you'll stay and have his cake and eat it.

Kick him to the curb sweetheart.

CW