[Romy]

I know the saying "it will get better with time" but it's been four months and the pain hasn't gotten any easier. Even though it was me who called it off I am suffering miserably. I don't think I will ever meet someone with the connection we shared or the amazing sex we had and to be honest I don't want to. I just want him back but that's not going to happen. Feeing very depressed and wishing I could go back in time.

[Ashlee T.]

What happened to result in the breakup?

I'm sorry you're going through such a bad time. Breakups cause a unique form of grief, largely resulting from feeling you've been rejected. Feelings of rejection cause us to feel all sorts of ways. I've been there, and I know it's such a miserable place to be. You're not ready yet and that's perfectly okay, but a day will come when you'll be ready to stop being miserable and when that day truly comes you'll take the steps necessary to move on. Moving on doesn't necessarily mean falling in love with someone else, it could just mean deleting a text thread, a number, ridding of pictures you've been hanging onto and breaking all forms of communication ties entirely. THAT is when you will really move on with your life.


I know you feel like he's the only one you'll ever love. The sex will never be as good. The chemistry will never be as good. But it will. And there'll come a day when you'll look back on this moment and wonder why you wasted any of your precious time feeling this way.

[jns]

Romy, you may have posted about your relationship before, but I was not able to access old posts. BD has posted a good reply.

I am going to add about hormones and chemical that run around in a person's brain. When you are in a good relationship, the ones that make you feel euphoric are released on a regular schedule and are released more as you hit new highs. When you break up, they are not released or only slightly and you go through withdrawal symptoms. Having reminders around allow you to have a partial release and go from a bad mood to an OK mood. Then you go back to reality and back on withdrawal symptoms. At the same time, the withdrawal period is lengthened. To move on it's probably best to go completely cold turkey and then add something back far enough in the future that you no longer react strongly. Different people react differently to love and infatuation situations. Work on reducing your triggers for this ex.

[Ashlee T.]

^ Totally agree. I love how you put it in such a scientific way, rather than an emotional way. You are so right on!

[Romy]

Thanks so much for replying. Everything you both said is true. I just hope the pain I'm feeling passes quickly.

[Ashlee T.]

Thanks so much for replying. Everything you both said is true. I just hope the pain I'm feeling passes quickly.

You're welcome Romy. You are in major control of how quickly it passes. I know that sounds cliche, but it's true. I know from lots of experience with it myself. Plan things in the future for yourself to look forward to. I just ended a relationship with someone a few months ago and soon after that I booked myself and my dog a trip to the mountains for rest, relaxation, hiking, peace, etc. It's empowering to go at things alone sometimes, and it will make you much stronger for the next round. Try to focus on you, what makes you who you are, what makes you the happiest (if the answer to that is someone else, therein lies the problem.) Focus on today, on now, and how you can make this day the best day it can be for you. The past is GONE. My boyfriend (who was also my best friend) was killed in Nov 2014, and I have had to really refocus my life on the NOW to be able to cope with the loss and learn to live with what I no longer have. If I can do it.....you can do it.

[kdc]

I know the saying "it will get better with time" but it's been four months and the pain hasn't gotten any easier. Even though it was me who called it off I am suffering miserably. I don't think I will ever meet someone with the connection we shared or the amazing sex we had and to be honest I don't want to. I just want him back but that's not going to happen. Feeing very depressed and wishing I could go back in time.

I think it's harder to deal with a breakup when you're the person who instituted it. Down the road, you always wonder if you did the right thing, and you wonder if the relationship could have been saved. IF you have weighed all the circumstances and still feel it was the right thing to do to bury the relationship, then do yourself a favor and push yourself to move on. If, however, you truly still love him and feel there could possibly be a reconciliation, you might want to consider trying to work things out. Only you know how you truly feel.

[Popcorn&Candy]

I have to agree with everything Beautiful Disaster has said. Time doesn't heal all wounds, but it does lessen the pain: even though it doesn't feel like it now. You have to get active: do things you love to do or do things you've never tried. All you can see ATM is your ex: but it won't always be that way. This sounds granny-like, but you're young and have your whole life ahead of you: a whole life to meet many true loves. It seems like your world has ended now, but it hasn't. Trust me, when you look back in 50 years time, you'll realize I was right.