[Winged_Muse]

This thread is void now.
I'm not going through with anything. I value this other guy more so as my tattoo artist and a friend than just a sexual interest. He's done amazing work for me and we have so much more to do. It was lust, that's all there was to it. It was the excitement and the chase and all of that. It was the butterflies in my stomach that had me hooked. As said, this thread is now void as nothing is going to be happening.

[atskitty2]

Well, that was sudden. What happened to so abruptly change the course?<br />
<br />
In my observation and personal experience, if you don't mend your own curiosity and what's Missing from your current relationship, you will very likely find yourself in the same predicament eventually, when another appealing situation presents.

[Ashlee T.]

This thread is void now.
I'm not going through with anything. I value this other guy more so as my tattoo artist and a friend than just a sexual interest. He's done amazing work for me and we have so much more to do. It was lust, that's all there was to it. It was the excitement and the chase and all of that. It was the butterflies in my stomach that had me hooked. As said, this thread is now void as nothing is going to be happening.

I'm curious too........... what happened!!?! Inquiring minds want to know!

[Winged_Muse]

Well here is what happened.
Tuesday he and I were chatting (my tattoo artist and myself). I basically laid into him what I wanted. He basically told me I needed to cool it, that he wasn't thinking about it one bit and he didn't want me to get into trouble talking about it all the time. He said I either cool it or come get laid so I can go back to normal or just accept I couldn't have it. He then explained he's never really pursuing anyone and just lives his life as it goes. I informed him he knew the only day that would work for me and that being Fridays (Today). He said if I was serious just to come over when I was able and we'd go from there. He said he was okay to hooking up and not talk about it or let it affect things. Tuesday until pretty much yesterday I was planning it. My imagination played every little detail in my mind over and over again. I got turned on just thinking about it. Yesterday I woke up in a strange mood, depressed and unsure of what to do even though Wednesday night I went to bed thinking about him. I figured I would see what happened after waking up today. Well my mood was no different. I was mostly afraid of the outcome, the awkwardness and all of that.

I messaged him this morning stating my concerns. I told him I still wanted him, that I was playing all of the events piece by piece over in my mind. I basically came out and asked if we could really have sex and not let it affect things. He responded saying there would absolutely be weirdness but only with me (which is true) and told me it would be a good idea not to go further with it since I was already acting like a nutbar! I then told him I wasn't sure what came over me and I really don't want to loose the relationship we've built over the past almost 6 years, plus I have so many other tattoos planned that I want him to do for me as I've been loyal only to his work. He said he could handle the fling if it happened but knew I couldn't which again he was right. My last response was me basically telling him I valued him more as my friend and my artist than my sexual interest. I had apologized at one point this morning and he said it wasn't necessary. We left it at that.

I still desire him sexually. I hate to admit I've had a crush on him for a long time. He's about 10 years older than me but age is just a number anymore. I've talked with my aunt about all of this for the past few weeks. She told me this morning after I told her of my decision that maybe the future will be different and she is right. The future is very unknown. For now he and I will be as we were. I told him I couldn't loose him as my artist because I'm not willing to go anywhere else.

So to sum it up, it was all my mind that changed the course I was on. I'm still a tad confused though about the events of last Friday while I was at his place and how he flirted. Men are so difficult to read! Still couldn't tell if he was just flirting or if he truly, honestly, wanted me.

[jns]

Stuffing the genie back in the bottle is going to take some work. You and your SO will have to work on your relationship.

[Winged_Muse]

Yea..easier said than done.
I'm a mess of emotions today...

[jns]

When in lust/love, a person's body releases a bunch of hormones that makes them feel euphoric.. When they don't have that release, they get withdrawal symptoms. What is logical for the head is not always what feels right for the heart and body.

[atskitty2]

I had a feeling it was something like this. <br />
Are you really confused dear? Honestly? Think about it. Of course he wanted you, but only as a sexual encounter, not the way you were into him. <br />
You got caught up in the emotions, the lust and all those scenarios you played out in your head. It's harder to see the reality in front of us when we do that.

[Winged_Muse]

I had a feeling it was something like this. <br />
Are you really confused dear? Honestly? Think about it. Of course he wanted you, but only as a sexual encounter, not the way you were into him. <br />
You got caught up in the emotions, the lust and all those scenarios you played out in your head. It's harder to see the reality in front of us when we do that.

Well to tell me a year ago I was in his dream and only recently letting me know what that dream was about and then how he proceeded to act on October 28th, yes I'm confused. Sexual encounter sure, that's all it would have been even for me as well. I can definitely agree that no, hes not into me as much as I him but still..I've always believed we've had some sort of attraction. My aunt even said she could see attraction and tension between us two days following my tattoo appointment when I went with her for hers. He even explained that he believes we would've hooked up years ago which I can agree with also.

[Winged_Muse]

With everything that has happened or almost happened in the last few weeks, it's kind of become an eye opener into my current relationship. Since day 1 he's always wondered what I was doing or who I've talked to and what about. Fridays when I'm off work, sure I'm alone but then I'm really not because even then he asks me what's going on. He asks about the littlest things to and it's really starting to feel like I'm suffocating. He hates not being included in things or not know what's going on. I've been with my S.O. since I was 15. Sure I had boyfriends prior but none that were as serious or in depth as this has been. I've never really had the chance to do things on my own, make my own mistakes or just go out and have fun. After we moved in together there was a night where me and two of my girl friends decided to go have a movie night. Of course he wasn't happy about it and then after coming home asked what we had talked about. I told my tattoo artist that there are days now that I really wish I was single. I wish I could go out without strings attached to anyone and just have fun or in the case of me and my artist, just have a sexual encounter and not regret it afterwards. Since day 1 with my S.O., he told me if I ever cheated he would shoot the person I cheated on him with and then shoot me. I don't know about anyone else but that's not comforting even though I see the point. I've never cheated but I've been cheated on and used in the past and he hates the entirety of it in general.
we are stuck in the same routine day in and day out. A year ago Christmas we decided to get a puppy. This puppy has been the biggest pain in my life and while she behaves if it's just one of us home with her, the second my S.O. and I are together she's just the biggest pain on the planet. He loves this dog but because of her was also part of the reason I lost interest in wedding planning and all of that. This dog has become basically a annoying thorn in my side and even then I hate coming home from work just to deal with her and the atmosphere my S.O. brings with him some days.
I don't know what to do anymore. There has to be a reason now that I'm wanting to venture away. I don't even want to be home on my days I'm off. I can't talk to him about this sort of stuff because then he'll assume there is someone else or I've done some thing or he'll just get ****ed off. I've almost wondered if I'm in some sort of abusive relationship or some thing like that..
sorry..just needed to vent.