[Stillness]

Roles and responsibilities came up in sp’s sexy Mr. Clean thread (https://www.womens-health.com/boards...eaning-is-sexy). It made me wonder, does your marriage/relationship have a leader, officially or unofficially?

This is something I’m often curious about with more secular relationships. So much equality between the sexes exist in modern society. Does that translate to marriage? Or do things still tend to drift towards a bit of patriarchy?

[atskitty2]

Great topic for discussion Still
I'll comment soon, not enough time now!

[amy40]

I think our dog runs stuff. Dog controls visitors as people who are afraid of dogs don't visit. Dog keeps us from getting sick too much as germs/dirt brought in with dog keeps immune system working. Dog controls our BP's since petting dog lowers BP. I think dog deserves a raise.

[amy40]

It made me wonder, does your marriage/relationship have a leader?

who runs stuff in the stillness house?

[Stillness]

I think dog deserves a raise.

Haha! One extra treat a day?

who runs stuff in the stillness house?

Stillness.

[atskitty2]

Well, I run the show but the dogs are definitely the stars here... I'm just paying bills.

I'm actually fairly old fashioned in this way. I prefer a strong man to "lead" but it's a weird thing to explain. My husband and I had this before marriage and the first few years of marriage.
Now, I'm realizing that it's probably just that I like the man to have an opinion, be a participant at home. I've met so many men that I consider to be weak in all their ways. No real expectations, no opinions, no stance on anything more than what brand of beer they drink. Probably isn't necessarily that I want the man to lead, just want one that participates.

I'm sure it is nothing more than the caliber of men I've met, but I just really cannot imagine a man I'm with, being so disconnected and uninterested in the household affairs and decisions. I think I am pretty strong, and I don't really prefer to have to make decisions that effect him too, all on my own.

Who knows. As I was putting away groceries this evening, I thought, what would I do if someone else was here contributing? I've been alone 5 yrs now. Perhaps I am getting set in my ways a bit too much. I certainly didn't expect to be single still.

[jns]

The best form of control makes the person being controlled think that they are in charge. I try to do thing for my wife's benefit.

[amy40]

The best form of control makes the person being controlled think that they are in charge.

Yes.

[Stillness]

atskitty2 I've seen those houses where the man checks out. It boggles my mind. I come in and the wife is making all the decisions and they're not happy about it.

A lot of times it's older couples where after the husband retired he's content to sit in front of the tv and do nothing. One lady I got close too comes to mind. I asked her if her husband would be joining us and she said, "No, he checked you out and he trusts me. I'll be making the rest of the decisions from here on out. That's not the way I want it to be, but my house doesn't take care of itself."

I try to do thing for my wife's benefit.

Righteous. The best leader is a servant to those he leads.

Your comments on apparent control remind me of something my dad told me about his house: "I don't want to tell them what to do because they might not let me be the leader anymore."



amy40 My cousin's first child was very willful when she was a toddler. She read that giving a child choices would motivate them when they were resisting.

She came home and didn't want to take her shoes off, so my cousin thought she'd use some of that psychology. She asked, "Would you like for mommy to help you take off your shoes or do you want to be a big girl and take them off yourself?" This little brat responds, "That's not a choice."

[atskitty2]

That's not at all funny, but it is.
Kids are so bold and smart beyond their ages.
Guess they said the same about my generation.