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Friendship and money

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  • Friendship and money

    I made a new friend last year. Then we did a wine tasting activity together and months later, I'm still waiting to get money for the tickets I paid for. She apologized once, saying she would get to it. Its kind of soured my opinion of her. I know I could maintain the friendship and just avoid money issues in the future, but I feel the lowered opinion has impacted my ability to be open to a true friendship. Thoughts?
    Freedom is just another word for nothing left to lose - Kris Kristofferson and Fred Foster (sung by Janis Joplin)

  • I can't imagine how many relationships have been killed with money. It can be so disruptive.

    I've got a friend that has owed me money for close to a decade. I know he hasn't forgotten because he mentioned it to me the last time we were together, which was a few months ago. I let him know I still want it back, but I didn't make a big deal about it. The difference is that he's been my friend since the early 90's, so I'm not throwing that relationship away for a few dollars. I won't lend him any money though.

    My dad says it this way, "You bought him for X." Meaning, you know they can't be trusted with money and it only cost X. My wife says to view a loan as a gift. That way you're not giving what you can't afford and the loss doesn't hurt you financially or emotionally. Those are the things that help me deal with it.
    "Those sowing seed with tears
    Will reap with a joyful shout." - Psalm 126

    Comment


    • Well...I have a mixed opinion. A way I would bring it up is to suggest another activity, and ask her to buy the tickets as return for the wine tasting. Another part of me says, let it go...
      If it bothers you, you should address it.
      Since it has been so long, it's likely that bringing it up directly will be met with some resistance or awkwardness. I would bring it up casually, tho at least. You have a reason to be upset and if she's reasonable at all, she'll understand and pay up.

      Sometimes I think these things are honest oversight, other times I believe that it's completely intentional. Sounds intentional with this friend. With my one friend, who I've posted about, I've had some similar situations.

      I think after only knowing her a month, she probably hadn't earned your trust yet. That's the lesson in it all. I'd be having ill feelings towards her as well.

      Comment


      • The thing is I have another friend who is worse than this, but I'm OK with it. Maybe because we developed a close friendship before we ever dealt with money. Plus, I am much more well off than her, so I feel OK with it. If it wasn't for her constant "borrowing" money, we would have had a closer relationship, but I don't severe it.

        This person is a new friendship. She seems very much like myself (race, social status, profession, and other such stuff which I find hard to find others like myself) and I feel like we would totally get along really well. It's not like she can't afford this, although the tickets weren't cheap. It's leaving a bad impression.
        Freedom is just another word for nothing left to lose - Kris Kristofferson and Fred Foster (sung by Janis Joplin)

        Comment


        • Originally posted by DreamP346 View Post
          She seems very much like myself (race, social status, profession, and other such stuff which I find hard to find others like myself)
          Seems like the difference is in values.

          What kind of a person doesn't pay a friend what they owe them if they have it?
          "Those sowing seed with tears
          Will reap with a joyful shout." - Psalm 126

          Comment


          • Can't think that have ever had a friend ask for money. However, we learned a family member was struggling big time back when we were both working. This person was super stressed and something told me that we needed to help. So, I suggested to husband we help; we did not ask for it back. Don't remember exact amt, but it was at least $1,000.
            That money has come back to us, many times over, in different ways.

            Comment


            • Originally posted by amy40 View Post
              Can't think that have ever had a friend ask for money. However, we learned a family member was struggling big time back when we were both working. This person was super stressed and something told me that we needed to help. So, I suggested to husband we help; we did not ask for it back. Don't remember exact amt, but it was at least $1,000.
              That money has come back to us, many times over, in different ways.
              It's not the dollar amount. It's my impression of this person. She and her husband have good paying jobs. They can afford to pay me back. She said she would give me the money for this and didn't. That's what I'm having issue with. I was going to ask her to do more stuff together, but now I'm hesitant.
              Freedom is just another word for nothing left to lose - Kris Kristofferson and Fred Foster (sung by Janis Joplin)

              Comment


              • Originally posted by DreamP346 View Post
                I was going to ask her to do more stuff together, but now I'm hesitant.
                why not each buy your own tickets to go to events?
                I think it would be too hard to get the money from anyone, after the fact



                Comment


                • Originally posted by DreamP346 View Post
                  She seems very much like myself (race, social status, profession, and other such stuff which I find hard to find others like myself) and I feel like we would totally get along really well.
                  Just let it go and try again as you have more to gain with a new friendship especially if it is so hard to find friends like yourself.

                  Comment


                  • I created one of those paypal.me accounts so when someone owes me money, I just send them the link in text as not only a gentle reminder but a super easy way for them to pay me. I make it as convenient as possible for them and then if they still don't do it after a couple reminders, I decide whether or not to take the loss or leave the "friendship" behind. It just depends on the situation and whether or not I feel the person is just aloof or truly just doesn't want to pay me. Hard for me to relate because if I ever owe someone a dime (a rarity), I won't rest until they are paid. But some people just don't take it as seriously.



                    "Be what you're looking for."

                    Comment


                    • Originally posted by DreamP346 View Post
                      I was going to ask her to do more stuff together, but now I'm hesitant.
                      Dream
                      what did you decide to do?

                      did you ask her to do something again?

                      Comment


                      • Originally posted by amy40 View Post

                        Dream
                        what did you decide to do?

                        did you ask her to do something again?
                        I sent her a PayPal request but never heard back. So I'm just staying FB friends but not doing anything else with her. I have just lost respect for her.
                        Freedom is just another word for nothing left to lose - Kris Kristofferson and Fred Foster (sung by Janis Joplin)

                        Comment


                        • Ugh. I don't blame you a bit. That's just blatant disregard.
                          "Be what you're looking for."

                          Comment


                          • Sorry, it didn't work out dream!

                            Have a question about friendship/ money, too. We can save $ for kid's college if we discontinue landline.
                            But if I cancel landline I would be unable to talk with my friends anymore.

                            Would you save the money for college? Or keep landline for friends?


                            Comment


                            • Note:
                              both friends had a long time (premarriage)

                              Comment

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