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The Big Shift

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  • Skitty2, I feel I am goofing up the online dating thing at so many levels. I know this is how people nowadays date but wow it must be like winning a lottery to find a normal person. I haven't gone one too many coffee dates but their each one the guy is so darn nervous. Now don't get me wrong I am nervous too. Then there is the time put into it all. Most of them just vanish. I could go on and on about this.

    Amy40, a lot of people are in this boat. I wish I wasn't one of them. We should have friendships outside our marriage, we need that connection and support system. Because when your spouse is all of a sudden not there and you find you have no one it is really hard. I had to drive myself and my children to my husband's funeral. My brain was so scattered I had no idea how I got there and back, I am so lucky I didn't kill all of us. Again I could go on and on.
    As far as my ex, even though we haven't spoken in2 7 years we have lived our lives very similar. I think counseling would help him. In the beginning, our conversation was more on a deeper level, now it is more just more how our days went.

    I would love just to meet someone the old fashion way. I do a lot of activities. Have tried the support groups, most they all seniors. I haven’t gone to the single dances, I would be a little braver if I had someone to go with (hate the idea of sitting alone at something like this). I have been thinking about church for a long time. I love the idea of a strong community in a church. I am spiritual, and like this possibility but I do have a few problems. I do pottery Sunday morning and don’t really want to miss that. I also in my youth had a horrible tragedy after tragedy at one church I belonged to. I do realize that all these things weren’t the church’s fault.

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    • I've done the online dating thing for 5 yrs now, on and off. It is an adventure isn't it!

      Dating at our age takes patience, regardless where we're meeting people. I've met men through friends, there's just something so much more difficult than dating as a teen or twenty-something. So many more things we consider and "think" about.

      Comment


      • Originally posted by Needytoo View Post
        I love the idea of a strong community in a church. I am spiritual, and like this possibility but I do have a few problems.
        Needy....there are lots of churches that meet either Sat afternoon/evening. Some of the bigger churches, even smaller ones like to have lots of activities for people. Some have single's groups, too.

        If you do go to one and feel you don't fit in there, don't give up, try another. We go to a few different ones, each has a different crowd of attendees. The bigger one we've gone to is one that has so many groups to join including groups for singles. Medium size has more family/ kid activities. A more traditional one like we grew up in, has a much older population. It might take you a few tries but don't give up
        Feel we can't stay at one (like how we grew up) because each one has activities we like, has different people that we get to know. So we alternate between churches.

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        • Been looking at the church websites and so far I haven't seen any that have singles groups, maybe they just don't post they have one. Once pottery is done, I think I will check some out.
          Had my first kayak lesson at the kayak club meet a lot of people around my age there. A few of the guys even touched my shoulder, not sure what to think about that!!
          My ex wants to come and see me, and I at a loss of words on that.

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          • A kayak club sounds REALLY fun. You'll meet other outdoorsy active people who are probably looking for friends and potential partners too. That's awesome.

            I don't need to tell you what I think about your ex visiting. You're on your way to a full blown marital affair, except you're the other woman this time. No judgment here, just hate to see you get into that. You've been through enough, and much of it was at the hand of this very man.
            "Be what you're looking for."

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            • I know Beautiful Disaster, I am going to visit our hometown in a few weeks so it isn't just me he wants to see he wants to see his mother. He has only been back once in 25 years. All of it still has to happen. Not sure if I really been through a lot with him, sure in our very short marriage got ugly and when I say ugly I mean he was very cranky, but the 50-year-old (who was married for 25 years) now realizes it might have been a rough patch. Unfortunately, we can never go back in time to find out for sure.

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