Will he he forgive me for my misstep?

[Rebecca_93]

Hi,

I met this awesome guy three years ago. We dated after we met at church camp where he was volunteering. After camp we met a couple of times and the spark of love was ignited. We had a deep connection when we discussed our relationship with the Lord. After a couple of months of dating he confessed to me that he was married and that he had a son with her. I was shocked at first, but later I understood why he didn't tell me earlier. The bible taught me about forgiveness and to not caste judgment. He told me he wanted to be with me because we had such a deep connection. I didn't want to lose him because we both know what we have is special.

A year ago we got engaged and he promised me that he didn't have intercourse with his wife anymore. I believe him because he is a christian and we at met at church under the eyes of God. I recently heard from a friend that she is pregnant. He said to me that it couldn't be his child. I don't understand why he doesn't leave her even though she has obviously cheated on him????!

He is often going to church with me and he has met my family many times. My parents don't know he is still married though.

We tried not to have sex before marriage, however after we got engaged and knew we would spend the rest of our lives together we couldn't wait. I feel bad about it but it happened and I believe God will forgive us in the end.

I did something horrible though. For some reason I had my doubts about his faithfulness. I had a weak moment and pretended to be pregnant with his child. His reaction wasn't what I expected. He didn't seem excited at all and said it wasn't his, but he hasn't called off our engagement.

I feel really bad that I lied to him and pretended to be pregnant. I want to say the truth to him, but will he forgive me?

I haven't heard from him for days and he hasn't responded to my messages and calls. What can I do to make things right?

[atskitty2]

Will **who** forgive you for **which** misstep?

So you are engaged to marry a married man?

I am not sure how else to say it other than, you're being manipulated, used and fooled my dear. Plain and simple.
You are the "other woman". He hasn't left his wife because he doesn't want to. He's made a family with her while keeping you on the side for fun, to feed his ego, give him a rush or whatever motivation he has...

He isn't happy about your announced pregnancy because this throws a wrench in his little plan. He's scrambling to figure out how to manage his little secret and continue his double life.

Leave this guy alone!

[Texasred]

I have just a one-word response to that post:
wow...

[Popcorn&Candy]

The guy is using you. I write this because if he truly loved you, he'd have been happy about you [if you had been] pregnant. The fact he assumed the fake pregnancy wasn't his child: he accused you of sleeping with someone else and yet sleeps with his wife whilst sleeping with you. The pot calling the kettle black? He won't leave his wife, I'm afraid. I think you will do as you want, but down the line will realize he has no intention of leaving his wife. He can't have you both: and you should let him know that. If he did leave his wife, you'd be part of the ending of a marriage and would be part of him not living with his child. You're caught in a horrible situation: you love the man, but he is married. He loves his wife but fancies you. I can't decide for you, but you've got a lot to think about.

[Ashlee T.]

Girl............ come on now.

If you believe in the Bible so strongly, then you also know what it says about adultery. Then you also know that even if this man ever does leave his wife, he will forever be married to her in the eyes of God (according to the Bible). You don't get to cherry pick the pieces of the Bible that work for you and those that don't. You met at a church under the eyes of God? He also married his WIFE under the eyes of God. He obviously did not consider that sacred at all. God's plan for you is NOT someone else's husband.

Now, let's throw religion out of this. I, for one, do not believe in the Bible as anything more than a historical document, part fiction, part truth, lots of metaphor. Even if religion is cast aside here, what are you possibly thinking will come from this? "For some reason I had my doubts about his faithfulness." Faithfulness to whom? To you? Or do you mean his wife that he's cheating on? Obviously, he is NOT faithful. So it's not "for some reason I had my doubts" as if it's a mystery. You had your doubts because you're engaged to a married man.

Why would he be excited about your "pregnancy"? He's married. He has a child. He does not intend to leave her. He's using you as a side piece. If you get pregnant, that throws a major wrench in the works for him. If you were married with children and had no intentions of leaving your marriage but were cheating on your husband and accidentally got pregnant by the guy you were cheating with, would YOU be excited about it? I think not. He thinks you're pregnant and now won't return you calls. Says a lot about him and his "love" for you, doesn't it?

This guy has fooled you. It is okay to be the fool sometimes. It is human to err. But the saying is true, "Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me." If you continue this relationship with this man, YOU are at fault in his adultery, YOU are at fault for destroying a child's family, YOU are at fault for whatever heartbreak and pain that comes from this for you. You are an adult. Take responsibility for your life an do the right thing.

[Baboy]

Very well said BD. Atskitty and Popcorn have also made good points, along the same lines. Not much more to be said.

[WaveRider]

Many years ago, a woman I was dating told me that married men rarely leave their wives for another woman. The way she confidently and resolutely said this to me left me believing that she spoke from a position of experience of being the other woman.

I agree with posters, especially atskitty2's candid post, who've opined that Rebecca is a fool.

Men will say anything to get down a woman's pants.

[atskitty2]

Rebecca, are you with us?

[Rebecca_93]

I'm sorry I didn't reply earlier. I read your posts and needed time to reflect. I hope I didn't get you worried.

Your messages really got me thinking whether or not he really loves me. It upset me quite a lot and I really had my doubts for a few days, but I know that God wouldn't have let us be together if it wasn't meant to be. I understand you think he's a bad man when you read my post. Its my fault, I didn't do him justice. He's really a good Christian with a good heart. If you were to meet him on the street you would notice this straightaway. I see that when the women at church try to flirt with him, he only has eyes for me.

When I found out he was married he told me that he was already planning to divorce her anyway, which is why he didn't tell me earlier. She is very focussed on her career instead of being a good housewife. Now that she's pregnant from somebody else its obvious its only a matter of time now until he leaves her. I feel bad for his son but he told me that I'm not responsible for breaking up the family because he was going to leave her anyway. And he told me she's not even a Christian!!!

He is still ignoring my texts and doesn't answer the phone. I'm afraid I messed up forever. I'm thinking of going to his house but I'm worried his wife will be there. I don't know whether he has told her yet about me being pregnant. What should i do?

[jns]

Now that she's pregnant from somebody else its obvious its only a matter of time now until he leaves her.

Nothing is obvious in a complex relationship like this. He may forgive her and the two of them may mend their relationship.

[Rebecca_93]

So you mean I should go to their home so his wife will find out??? I'm not sure I could do something like that. I am starting to feel like I have no other option though.

[Rebecca_93]

Won't that make him more mad at me?

[atskitty2]

Or he could be relieved that you showed up, and did what has been so difficult for him to do. To finally have the wife see for herself and maybe then she'd get out of the way, as I'm sure he's been begging her to do.

Which would you like to believe?

[jns]

Rebecca, you seem to be looking at this situation from only your side of the story. If you consider it from his side and from his wife's side, you may start to realize what is the situation.

[amy40]

He's really a good Christian with a good heart. She is very focussed on her career instead of being a good housewife. I feel bad for his son

hi rebecca

then he is taking his son to church and bringing him to your parents house, also?
because if he is Christian and his wife isn't, the son would be at church with him every week

how old is the son?

in three years time, why haven't you told your parents that the man you're "engaged" to has a wife?

she is focused on her career, so where is this child? who is taking care of the boy when he's not in school?
this is all so confusing to me