[anonymouswhitefemale]

You want a man that's never been used? Or do you want a virgin? Is this religiously inspired?

I think you'd be a happier person if you abandoned that critera from your search for a man.

(Personally, I find it pretty sick when a man needs his woman to be a virgin.)

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Chandlers Wish-

Ravsoma
Um... He's not exactly young. Well, it me he isn't. To some of you he might be young. -shrugs- I have no idea.

I've kinda given up on the love department now that I think about it. It's all a waste of time.

By young, i didn't mean age, i meant i i don't feel a gentleman would ask that question. But you know, i don't know him, nor you...your past connection..

He could have posed the question out of honesty wanting to know for himself for instance because you stated " you put a wedge between you last time"... and at that stage you still were.

Sounds like this new information that he has provided is upsetting you, and that your about to put another wedge between you?

Hense my last post to you... "It's what's inside that counts"... How two people feel and connect.

Love isn't a waste of time, don't give up...

Why don't you communicate with him, ask him what he feels about you, if it's there it's there.... past is past....

Have you ever thought that over those two years, he figgered nothing would ever eventuate between you both, your gone? So, he moved in what ever direction he wanted to as we all belong to ourselves, not expecting you to ever return into his life?

Talk openly with him see how you both feel.

Fear does things that blocks us from finding out the truth... You may never get another chance to find out if you don't this time.

Good luck...

CW

[Guest]

You want a man that's never been used? Or do you want a virgin? Is this religiously inspired?

I think you'd be a happier person if you abandoned that critera from your search for a man.

(Personally, I find it pretty sick when a man needs his woman to be a virgin.)

I don't see the difference between "never been used" and virgin. It's all the same to me. And I would LOVE to have a man that was a virgin because that would mean he's experiencing the same feelings that I am and it's all new to us. A lot of my friends say they want a guy that's had sex because they want someone to "show them the ropes" and whatnot, but I just want someone I'm on the same level with and doesn't have any sort of edge on me in that department.
This is slightly religiously inspired because I do feel that it is my duty to myself and my God to find the right man for me and the person that he chose that fits me like a puzzle piece. Yes, this is biased in every way and form, but this is how I feel and this is what I believe. I'm (surprisingly) a very religious person, so God has a huge effect on me.

I tried giving up on finding the virgin I wanted and it didn't go well. I felt so unfulfilled and most of the time all the guy wanted was sex and to see me naked and it just became cumbersome and obnoxious over a while.

Alright. A man that isn't a virgin needed a woman that is a virgin is weird, but if he's a virgin as well I don't see a think wrong with it.

Chandlers Wish-



By young, i didn't mean age, i meant i i don't feel a gentleman would ask that question. But you know, i don't know him, nor you...your past connection..

He could have posed the question out of honesty wanting to know for himself for instance because you stated " you put a wedge between you last time"... and at that stage you still were.

Sounds like this new information that he has provided is upsetting you, and that your about to put another wedge between you?

Hense my last post to you... "It's what's inside that counts"... How two people feel and connect.

Love isn't a waste of time, don't give up...

Why don't you communicate with him, ask him what he feels about you, if it's there it's there.... past is past....

Have you ever thought that over those two years, he figgered nothing would ever eventuate between you both, your gone? So, he moved in what ever direction he wanted to as we all belong to ourselves, not expecting you to ever return into his life?

Talk openly with him see how you both feel.

Fear does things that blocks us from finding out the truth... You may never get another chance to find out if you don't this time.

Good luck...

CW

He only asked me that question because I asked first. For me, it's like a conversation starter. Horrible, I know.

I know he figured he would never talk to me again because I made the situation between us so bad that he didn't want to ever talk to me again. It took two years just to get him to text me. I was so looking forward to being with him and then I found out he had a girlfriend and I told myself that I would wait until they broke up (because I had a feeling that they would) and three months later they did, but now it just doesn't seem like it was worth the wait.

You know, I always try talking to him about how I messed up so bad in the past and all he tells me is he doesn't feel like talking about it and it's better to put the past behind you. He never wants to talk about it. He rather not. So, he would rather not talk about his sexual past. Every time I hint at it, he changes the subject. I'm stuck.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

He only asked me that question because I asked first. For me, it's like a conversation starter. Horrible, I know.

I know he figured he would never talk to me again because I made the situation between us so bad that he didn't want to ever talk to me again. It took two years just to get him to text me. I was so looking forward to being with him and then I found out he had a girlfriend and I told myself that I would wait until they broke up (because I had a feeling that they would) and three months later they did, but now it just doesn't seem like it was worth the wait.

You know, I always try talking to him about how I messed up so bad in the past and all he tells me is he doesn't feel like talking about it and it's better to put the past behind you. He never wants to talk about it. He rather not. So, he would rather not talk about his sexual past. Every time I hint at it, he changes the subject. I'm stuck.

Well from what you are saying, you created such a rift, however, he "texted you" two years later, be it that you did first is not relevant. Okay, he had a girlfriend you were prepared to wait, that happened, but he doesn't seem worth the wait?

Sorry, there is a reason why you feel this now? I think it's still to do with the fact that he has slept with another after that which you didn't bank on but obviously you accepted the girlfriend situation as you said you'd wait or was waiting for that to be over.

So bare with me .

Then okay, he didn't bring up the Virgin side you did... But he says " it's past" referring to the woman he has slept with and doesn't want to talk about it.

So, this is true... I wrote it twice " past is past/present is present/future is future"...

It is not your concern what happened before only what happens in the now and in the future.

He honestly doesn't have to discuss it, if he doesn't want to regardless that you want him to as he is happy to leave it where it belongs, in the past and so should you.

It's not like he was waiting for you for 2 years, you dissed him that was it, it was over.

It is the past.

You need to understand that and jump this hurdle hey?

As i said, others to will have been down the path, you will find this a lot.

If this man was someone you wanted and you waited until he left this girlfriend, and now you have a chance, don't loose it a second time, because there will not be a third...

Seriously, think this time.

He has a right to have been whomever he wanted to before this step with the two of you.

It's where you both go now.

You don't have to sleep with him... Don't. But nothing wrong with seeing if this relationship can work this time.

Kind of Chill a little. Take time with this. He would not expect you to jump at it NOW, surely? If he did you know what he is after. If he likes you he'll wait until your ready and you can get the chance to see if a relationship can be developed.

Give it a bit more thought.

CW

[CHANDLERS WISH]

You want a man that's never been used? Or do you want a virgin? Is this religiously inspired?

I think you'd be a happier person if you abandoned that critera from your search for a man.

(Personally, I find it pretty sick when a man needs his woman to be a virgin.)

Well not sick Anon but a good call.... We are whom we are, take us or leave us, visa vera...

CW

[anonymouswhitefemale]

I don't really want to say too much here, as it's a sensitive subject, but this seems to me like a case of religion not really fitting into modern society. Following these virgin rules, it seems like if you don't find a man by the time you're 25, you're either single forever or you shack up with a kid. Whatever happened to understanding and forgiveness, which is what most religions preach.

Sex might seem like a big deal, since you've never had it, but it's a bodily process we all need. It's a biological imperitive just like food and sleep, and it's best to understand it as such.

I'm sure god would rather that you be happy, instead of living an unhappy life alone because you take something that one of his followers said a bit too seriously.

[Uneeklyme]

Whats the point of continuing to try and have a relationship with this man? He will never be a virgin again and nothing is ever going to change that so that right there puts him out of the running with your criteria (unused).

You are perfectly within your right to save yourself for "the one" and require that he be a virgin but facts are facts, most men are not virgins by the time they graduate high school these days.

Also, as much as he doesnt want to hash over his past lovers with you, he doesnt want you to base your relationship on them, continually explain himself or them to you, or hear you nag about it. A relationship does not give us the right to know every detail of our partners past. It is thier own to share as they see fit. Sexually speaking, the only thing we actually only have the right to know about our partners past is one: are they virgins. two: was the sex protected and if not are they disease free (get them tested) and three: do they have any sex related convictions or records. The rest we take a chance on finding out as we go along. Meaning, do they have kinks? Maybe but this will come out eventually and you make the choice when it comes up. Do they have hang ups? Maybe, again, it will eventually come out. We dont go from hi my name is... to I am into bondage and toys in the same day. We work into a relationship. We spend months and years getting to know each other. My opinion anyway

[Guest]

K... I don't want him anymore. I'm good.

Thanks for the advice.

K... I don't want him anymore. I'm good.

Thanks for the advice.

Alright, so I can't find the edit button... I've probably been away that long that I can't function around this site.

What I meant to say was... I'm good. I don't need him. I don't really need anyone. Yes, sex might be essential, but I'm in no rush to have it and a relationship would be nice, but I'm young and have no plan for concentrating on a certain person. I wasted my time in a two-year relationship (not long at all, but two-years I'd like back) and I'm not gonna waste another two with someone that, I guess, doesn't fit my standards.

Besides, the creep doesn't even answer his phone anymore. Been spending time with his "family." More like his estranged ex-girlfriend. But whatevs. I'm over it.

Also, I have goals in my life. Unrealistic goals, but goals nonetheless, and someone in my life would just be a major hindrance.

To Anon, I don't mind being single forever. People think I'm crazy for saying that, but I don't. These little bouts of feeling the need of someone feeling that void go away so easily and I'm actually happy by myself. It just took some time to notice that.

CW - The past is the past and the future is the future, but I don't necessarily live by that. Of course the future can't change the past, but settling things that has happened can mold the future. I just don't think he's worthy of my time at the moment to sit down and have a chat with him. I've tried many times, but he always brushes me off. He says, "I'll never lie to you, I'll be honest and answer any question you want," but that's complete flack. He does lie, he's not honest, and he likes to shy away from questions. I think I'm better off without him.

Uneeklyme - Now that I've sat down and thought this out, there isn't a point. He's the embodiment of everything I hate and I used to love that about him, but now it's getting annoying and childish and I want no part of that.
I believe that when I'm in a relationship with someone that everything that belongs to me belongs to them. I have no problem sharing my past with someone and they shouldn't either if we're gonna be in a relationship. It's a selfish point-of-view, but it's mine and I like it. ^_^

I don't really think I needed help after all. Maybe all I needed was to get it off my chest.

Thanks for listening.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Well that sounded like venting to me

If that's what you've established, and that's how you feel then no, he's not for you..

Now you know for sure -

In the "wasting years" - Yep, been there 8 of them but the first part of the journey was worth trying, i should have left earlier though.

But, then i wouldn't own my business and property if i did, as i was in comfort zone, not on my own, so my thought pattern was different...

I am a believe that everything in life happens for a reason.

And, i too love my own company, and friends, work, animals etc, a bit of romance would be nice... (but nothing beats "the relationship" where you can still be all of that and have him in your life)..

Aiming at that myself now.....

At least you know who you are and what you want that's a good mix and that he can have a past and so can you, that is important.

Best of Wishes hey.

CW

[vivian19]

Ravsoma,
I've been with my b/f for a year and a half now. I also met him about 4 years back, i always liked him and he liked me too we were just very young and didnt really make much of our crush. I know exactly what you mean because while we were just friends, he had already slept with a girl and had an on and off relationship with her for 5 years. They had sex when they were 12! Yes I know, and he cheated on her many times. Somewhere in between, he slept with two of my former friends ( no they are not former friends for this reason i must add) and one of them was a virgin. So he was a player, slept with about 5 girls and 3 WERE VIRGINS. I was a virgin when we started dating, and early in the relationship i did not like the idea of being yet another girl he takes the virginity of. But after about 6 months, feelings grew really strong, we were ALWAYS together, and i trusted him and never heard anything about him cheating( yes im in school )...and i always use to hear stories about him cheating. So, yes i lost it to him, never regreted that. I actually think that his past is a good thing cuz it made me realize some really important things. I know that no girl has ever made him wait for sex, they basically all gave it up pretty easily, so the fact that he waited 4 me really says something, and the fact that i made him wait, he told me he really likes that and respects me for that. Also all his quickies and booty calls in the past have also made him realize that love making is really special between us, and he can tell the difference and tells me it doesnt compare to any of those other hoes (thats the way he looks at them becuz they were easy) so i think u should give it some time, because theres one girl who can truley change a man. We are so young and hes the one always talking about marriage and stuff. I love him to death, and im a little jealous so i cant even stand the fact that he was even naked with another girl, but like i said other than that thought i think it really made it clear to him how real out relationship is. So i think you should definitly go for it! I may be biased because of my personal expierence, sorry lol.