[Gretchen1965]

When bonding and love hormones are strong, they can cause irrational behavior. A person can even see it in themselves but cannot easily stop which is why I suggested the vacation. The reiteration of you being 53 brings up another question: Have you gone through menopause or are you going through it now? I ask because menopause can drastically change the hormone mix and a woman can end up with different sexual desires because of it. Some women actually get stronger sexual urges after menopause.

I am definitely post menopasual. I lost all drive when I was 49 and menopause was beginning four years ago. Had all the usual symtpoms: hot flashes, memory issues, moods, dry as a bone, no libido, periods becoming sporatic. My sex drive over the last two years has been on a steady rise. But now, all I can do is think about getting laid. I have this urge which grabs me without any notice or outside stimulation. I am thinking about sex with this woman my touchable colleague all the time. Though alone, I still have lots of very satisfying sex -- just not with partners. I have to keep telling myself I'm not hurting anyone and aside from the fact that it's a bit of a time waster -- it's not hurting me either. There are worse things I could be doing with my time.

With this woman my touchable colleague is about lust, not love. It is pure physical attraction, not emotional. I am touching her, rubbing her and groping her at work for my sexual pleasure. I feel like I am abusing this woman by using her in this way. Still I feel like a monster for something that I can't stop doing. ( I can't keep my hands off of her).

[Gretchen1965]

You're not a monster, you're not a horrible person, and if anyone is taking advantage of anyone here, it's your "touchable colleague."
Stop beating yourself up over this!
You say she's strictly hetero, and yet she lets you fondle her breasts in the office? Doesn't that seem strange?

So do you understand my whole situation? I don’t know what to do. It is all my fault. I’ve been working there since December 2013. I don’t know what to do? I don’t know what to do anymore? I don’t know how to handle the situation. I really need this job. I really need this salary. I feel like such a bad person.

[Ashlee T.]

Maybe easier said than done as most things are, but you are the only one in control of your behavior.

I might crave glazed donuts terribly, but I make the choice whether I have them or not.

You're cruising for a sexual harassment claim. I assure you that what you're doing, and the pleasure you're getting from this is not worth that. If you truly feel you cannot control your behavior (which...I don't think is the case) you need to seek professional therapy. She does not deserve your abuse of authority over her. No one does. You are not old. You are not a monster. You are not hideous. And you're perfectly capable of seeking mutual adult relationships.

[Gretchen1965]

Maybe easier said than done as most things are, but you are the only one in control of your behavior.

I might crave glazed donuts terribly, but I make the choice whether I have them or not.

You're cruising for a sexual harassment claim. I assure you that what you're doing, and the pleasure you're getting from this is not worth that. If you truly feel you cannot control your behavior (which...I don't think is the case) you need to seek professional therapy. She does not deserve your abuse of authority over her. No one does. You are not old. You are not a monster. You are not hideous. And you're perfectly capable of seeking mutual adult relationships.

Thank you for not judging me. It's driving me crazy.It's consuming me. I can't resist touching,rubbing and groping this woman my touchable colleague. But she is unresponsive to my touch. Usually when my hands are all over her she just kinda... let me do the groping, touching,rubbing and hugging , but she basically just sits/stands pretty stiffly. She disappears into her head and goes limp or rigid. She is 100% straight and has always been attracted to men. Why did she asked me to massage her back on her third day at work? Why? I need to keep my job and the money, that means i need to stop groping her. I'm a terrible person. It makes me paranoid as i feel like everyone at work talks about me behind my back. Has anyone else been through anything similar? I am a horrible person. Am i evil, manipulative, selfish person? I have these thoughts all the time. Am I an irredeemable monster for what i am doing to this woman?

[jns]

I can't resist touching,rubbing and groping this woman my touchable colleague. But she is unresponsive to my touch. Usually when my hands are all over her she just kinda... let me do the groping, touching,rubbing and hugging , but she basically just sits/stands pretty stiffly. She disappears into her head and goes limp or rigid. She is 100% straight and has always been attracted to men. Why did she asked me to massage her back on her third day at work? Why? I need to keep my job and the money, that means i need to stop groping her.

One of the responses to unwanted touching by someone else is to passively resist it, that is no reaction to the behavior. It is one of the things that causes problems with people who have been sexually harassed or worse. That is why there is some effort to require consent to be a positive affirmation instead of non consent being a negative affirmation. Yes means yes. If you read about rape victims, a response can be to go inside their head so that they don't tacitly agree to it or have to resist it with the possibility of being hurt. The massage may have been just a massage, not an invitation for anything else.

[Ashlee T.]

Gretchen,

I say this will a nice tone so please do not take it the wrong way, but no matter how many times you ask the same questions "Am I a monster?" etc, you are going to get the same responses from us. We have all told you that no, you're not a monster, you're not hideous (I don't even need to see you to know that.), you are an adult woman who is making conscious choices. I feel that you're looking for some sort of "yes you're obviously a sick perverted MONSTER!!!!" so that gives you some sort of excuse or reasoning for the behavior. But that isn't going to happen. I can tell from reading your posts that you're a thoughtful, intellectual person very aware of your choices and the repercussions of them. You are engaging in selfish behaviors, abusing a position of power, because you are CHOOSING to. You can just as easily choose not to.

[Gretchen1965]

Gretchen,

I say this will a nice tone so please do not take it the wrong way, but no matter how many times you ask the same questions "Am I a monster?" etc, you are going to get the same responses from us. We have all told you that no, you're not a monster, you're not hideous (I don't even need to see you to know that.), you are an adult woman who is making conscious choices. I feel that you're looking for some sort of "yes you're obviously a sick perverted MONSTER!!!!" so that gives you some sort of excuse or reasoning for the behavior. But that isn't going to happen. I can tell from reading your posts that you're a thoughtful, intellectual person very aware of your choices and the repercussions of them. You are engaging in selfish behaviors, abusing a position of power, because you are CHOOSING to. You can just as easily choose not to.

Thanks so much for your reply. I'm a fool who can't control myself. I'm just so upset with myself. I have the greatest trouble thinking rationally when i am around this woman my touchable colleague. I do feel more hopeful. I think finally admitting how huge my problem grew is the biggest step. I am a horrible person.
I want to stop this.

[Gretchen1965]

One of the responses to unwanted touching by someone else is to passively resist it, that is no reaction to the behavior. It is one of the things that causes problems with people who have been sexually harassed or worse. That is why there is some effort to require consent to be a positive affirmation instead of non consent being a negative affirmation. Yes means yes. If you read about rape victims, a response can be to go inside their head so that they don't tacitly agree to it or have to resist it with the possibility of being hurt. The massage may have been just a massage, not an invitation for anything else.

I want to distance myself from this woman my touchable colleague but i just can't.She is so radiant and tall and big and soft.She could use this against me if she ever decided to throw me under the bus. I didn't touch her today at work.I know that I shouldn't do it but it was difficult to resist the urge to touch her.It's getting out of control.
I don't know what to do.I am worried about losing my job. I have quite a big problem.I need to get my things in order. I feel like smashing my head against a wall sometimes I just can't stop thinking.

Not sure what I can really do? I just hate myself. My concern is that I am a bad person and a sexual predator for touching,rubbing and groping this woman. And my selfishness leaves me disgusted with myself. I despise what I'm becoming.

[atskitty2]

As I suggested before, get yourself a good, professional counselor to discuss this with. There's likely some deep rooted issues that need addressed, more than we can do through the forum.

[Gretchen1965]

I want to distance myself from this woman my touchable colleague but i just can't.She is so radiant and tall and big and soft.She could use this against me if she ever decided to throw me under the bus. I didn't touch her today at work.I know that I shouldn't do it but it was difficult to resist the urge to touch her.It's getting out of control.
I don't know what to do.I am worried about losing my job. I have quite a big problem.I need to get my things in order. I feel like smashing my head against a wall sometimes I just can't stop thinking.

Not sure what I can really do? I just hate myself. My concern is that I am a bad person and a sexual predator for touching,rubbing and groping this woman. And my selfishness leaves me disgusted with myself. I despise what I'm becoming.

I have managed to go two weeks without touching this woman my touchable colleague. I don't think I am going to make it. I know that I shouldn't do it but it is difficult to resist the urge to touch her. The cravings for touching her are becoming more intense. But i am serious about never touching and groping this woman my colleague again! I am very attracted to her but only in a sexual way. It's gotten so bad I've raced home after work to masterbate thinking about her. Has anyone ever had such a strong sexual attraction to someone off limits? .

How do I stop this? I need to be able to shut these sexual feelings off and continue to work with this woman. I know you can turn off the touching,hugging and groping, but how can you turn off sexual attraction this strong? I've considered looking for a different job just to see if it would help, but I don't want to allow this situation to have that much power over me.