[Ashlee T.]

Do you feel that your gender identity, or the way you express it, falls outside of the “norm”? Maybe you have a friend or family member you're concerned about?

Have you – or a loved one – ever felt pressured to look or act a certain way because of your gender identity? Perhaps someone close to you is transitioning?

Gender identity and expression are more important than ever. So important we covered it in one of our full-length articles here:

https://www.womens-health.com/gender-identity-expression-why-it-matters

Whether you’ve related to a good deal of the content in this piece or you’re just trying to learn more or talk about what you’re going through, we created a safe place to share your thoughts.

[Stillness]

I read a fair bit of that article. Maybe I’m just too old school, but the way it’s presented I feel like I need a degree in psychology to understand the basics of human sexuality. It can’t be this complicated.

[Ashlee T.]

Hey Still! Thanks for reading. You know, I've given a lot of thought to the topic myself. At first, I thought the same thing you did. Why does this FEEL so complicated?

But then, I realized that the ONLY reason this seems so complex is that, historically, we have drastically oversimplified it. If we had always been taught the true spectrum of gender identity, it would not seem so complex to us now.

Also, note that human sexuality is not synonymous with gender identity. A person's gender identity has nothing to do with their sexual orientation.

Again, thanks for reading and providing your thoughts!

[Stillness]

historically, we have drastically oversimplified it.

Could be. Or maybe it's being over-complicated now.

People muddy the waters when they want to avoid reality. A lot of explanations of sexuality seem like just that - the distinction between "sex" and "gender," for example. I'm not accusing you of obfuscating, because you didn't make that up, but it seems like something that someone with a goal other than clarity invented.

[Ashlee T.]

Could be. Or maybe it's being over-complicated now.

People muddy the waters when they want to avoid reality. A lot of explanations of sexuality seem like just that - the distinction between "sex" and "gender," for example. I'm not accusing you of obfuscating, because you didn't make that up, but it seems like something that someone with an goal other than clarity invented.

Your thought isn't an uncommon one, which is the reason articles like this one with real-life experiences are so important.

There are many people who do not fall into the cisgender category that others of us do. That is reality. Sex and gender meaning two totally different things IS real life for them. A reality they face each day, as this writer describes. And really, they don't seek anything from you or me or anyone else, except equality and acceptance.

[Stillness]

Sex and gender meaning two totally different things IS real life for them. A reality they face each day, as this writer describes. And really, they don't seek anything from you or me or anyone else, except equality and acceptance.

I get that. People are going to see things differently. If “equality and acceptance” means that I accept that others are made in the image of God and worthy of love and respect just as much as me or anybody, then I’m with that.

I will say that the process by which the mind processes identity is more complex than we thought as a society. As my own body has changed dramatically, I’ve experienced odd mental phenomena, confusion, and stress with the reality I project onto it. So, in some small way, I empathize with those that have various dysmorphias. I want to understand for them and myself.

The clash only comes for me when love and tolerance of differences is not enough and “acceptance” means I’m required to accept someone else’s reality whether I like it or not.

[JonnyR]

Hi Stillness and Ashlee T. -- I think this article does a great job of taking something that will inevitably lead to confusion, and trying and put a real-world spin on it.

I recall once hearing a girl's (who was gay) explanation to their father (who was straight) about how she "knew" she was gay -- the daughter asked the father: "How do you know you are attracted to mom or women?" and he says: "I just know I am..." without much thought...

She then says: "Well, that's exactly how I feel about women -- I just "know" that I like them and am attracted to them." It then struck a chord and he finally understood in a powerful way how attraction just "is".

I suspect it is the same with gender identity -- if you ask someone: "How do you know you are a man?" I suspect you would say something similar, no?

But what if you knew you weren't a man, OR a woman...what if you felt you were something else? What if you were attracted to both binary genders simultaneously? How the heck would you tell people this without being ridiculed, made fun of, or dismissed?

I think that's what the article is trying to portray -- there is no "right/wrong" -- there is only people's feelings and internalization of who they KNOW themselves to be -- they just needed a way to vocalize and express it.

And while other cultures across the world have allowed for that (as the piece also shows), ours has not due to religious, and other reasons.

Therefore, I don't think anyone is "forcing" anything upon anyone, they are simply asking to be accepted for the same internal feelings we all have about our self-identity, and it can never be wrong, because we all "know" who we are and how we feel.

[Stillness]

Hi JonnyR. Welcome!

How do you know you are a man?" I suspect you would say something similar, no?

No. I'm a man by definition - chemically, chromosomally, structurally. Whether I "feel" like a man or not doesn't change what I am.

What if I "feel" like a space dragon? Am I one? No. It would mean I'm mentally disturbed. Feelings can be wrong.

[Ashlee T.]

what about people who are born with both (ambiguous genitalia)?


"An estimated one in 2000 babies is born with ambiguous genitalia -- It is also referred to an "intersex condition."

amy40 - Thank you! You hit the nail on the head.The reality is in both gender identity AND biological sex, there is a spectrum, not an either or.

If you are born a "man" but find out you also have ovaries....what then? Are you still a man? Are you a woman? If you are born a "woman" but find out your body produces the testosterone levels of a man, are you a woman? Are you a man? In the article there are some real like situations like that referenced.

What about a person born with female genitalia but has male chromosomes? Is that person a female or a male?

I'll go back to my original response which is that we, as a society, have oversimplified this topic for many years. It is time we start recognizing people for what and who they are, not placing them inside the box of a binary system of both gender identity and biological sex that we have created ourselves.

[MrMr]

Hey Still! Thanks for reading. You know, I've given a lot of thought to the topic myself. At first, I thought the same thing you did. Why does this FEEL so complicated?

But then, I realized that the ONLY reason this seems so complex is that, historically, we have drastically oversimplified it. If we had always been taught the true spectrum of gender identity, it would not seem so complex to us now.

Also, note that human sexuality is not synonymous with gender identity. A person's gender identity has nothing to do with their sexual orientation.

Again, thanks for reading and providing your thoughts!

As someone who has played sports with the opposite gender as well as serving in combat, its so easy to just see a person as a person when they are your team mate, coach or in more severe circumstances, saving your life.