[Ashlee T.]

If you've ever been in a sexless marriage, you know how devastating it can be. Regardless of the cause, it's a painful situation that can be overcome.

We've seen many members at WHI seeking advice on how to repair their sexless marriage or relationship. If you're in this situation, know that you're not alone!

This WHI Featured Writer shares the very personal story of how she and her husband overcame their sexless marriage, in hopes that you can, too.

You can read the entire article here:

https://www.womens-health.com/sexless...e-relationship

Whether you found a way to repair your sexless relationship or not, please feel comfortable to share your experiences with us, here.

[jns]

An interesting article. I'm not sure Gustavo's wife is looking for anything else. She has the safe relationship with him and the excitement on the side which she can change at any time. I wonder if the lack of passion is on both sides or only from him because he has withdrawn from the relationship because she cheats?

One thing that was not dealt with enough was how some men show little interest in sex, causing their significant other to feel rejected.

[Ashlee T.]

I thought so too, jns

There is almost always more to a story than meets the eye. It would be interesting to know if the lack of passion was reciprocated. Women often get deemed as the "sexless" ones, when as we know here at WHI, there are many women in sexless relationships when they WANT regular sex with their partner. In this writer's situation, that wasn't the case or at least didn't seem to be but definitely is with many we see here.

[MrMr]

What do you feel the answer to such a situation is?

[Ashlee T.]

What do you feel the answer to such a situation is?

Having not experienced it, to that depth anyway, myself...that's hard to say. I think the writer's suggestions are thorough and well thought out and seemed to work for her marriage. I don't think it's something that just goes back where it was, overnight....or ever for that matter because our needs change as we do. But it does sound like, in her case at least, though there was a variety of reasons it occurred, they were eventually able to work through it.

[Popcorn&Candy]

I'd feel rejected myself, if the love of my life wouldn't be intimate to me. I'd wonder if he thought me unattractive. If he thought me boring and other insecurities he would encourage [for lack of a better word]. A marriage should be exciting and passionate: without that, what have you got? Nothing worth keeping the marriage going for.

I am not married myself, but can understand the feeling of rejection in a relationship. I think either partner should broach the subject with their OH and talk it through. OK, that is female advice - and talking does not solve everything - but he/she has got to know their partner's pain. And support their partner by being honest about where they're coming from. If the spark can't be issued, then maybe they have to decide if their marriage is worth saving.

[Ashlee T.]

Rejection is a really tough feeling to process. And it is normal for a spouse to feel rejected if their partner doesn't want to have sex with them.

The issue is that it's rarely just that simple. Sometimes it is. Sometimes people jump into a marriage too quickly while still in the early infatuation stage and then end up with someone they truly don't even like, much less want to have sex with. But most of the time, that isn't the case. Most of the time there are lots of things at the root of the issue whether it be neglect (we get caught up in everyday life and sometimes forget to make our SO's feel special, cherished, attractive, sexy, etc and vice versa), trust issues resulting from infidelity, or most frequently, medical issues.

Especially for women, our medical issues are unseen and make it so much more difficult for a partner (especially a male one) to understand.

I remember in my twenties having an ovarian cyst that caused me so much pain. I had already been to the doctor, it wasn't bad enough to need surgery, I was just told to wait it out and it would go away. Intercourse and especially the contracting of the muscles in that area caused me such terrible pain....pain that lasted for hours after. I expressed that to my partner at the time and although he was a seemingly loving guy, it didn't stop him from trying to initiate sex with me daily. His sexual satisfaction was more important than my well-being. If I had said, "I just need a couple weeks to get through this" he would've felt rejected....a slam to his ego. And well...that just isn't fair to a woman with a medical issue she didn't cause and has no control over. Unbeknownst to him at that time, his lack of compassion for me caused me to lose all desire to ever sleep with him again. I need to feel loved and protected and a guy that will knowingly hurt me for his own pleasure is never going to be someone I can be comfortable with. It wasn't long after that I ended the relationship.

I guess the moral of the story is that there is rarely ever ONE cause. A medical issue might start the snowball, but then lack of compassion or ego/rejection issues cause an emotional disconnect....then all of a sudden you've got a physical AND emotional disconnect to work through. And sometimes, there's nothing medical involved and it's just that the couple have simply gotten complacent and lazy in their relationship.

Sex IS an important part of marriage. But at the root of that, is friendship, loyalty, compassion, understanding, comfort, etc.

I think all marriages could stand to improve if couples focused more on helping encourage each other to be the best they can be emotionally AND physically and being patient and understanding when "life" stuff throws a wrench in. Healthy and happy couples lead to healthy and happy sex.

[amy40]

Mcqueenbee

don't know if you saw this thread or not?
there's an article link in first post