[Ashlee T.]

Thanks Motorguy. I agree. The lying about it is what made it such an indiscretion because it made it seem like there was something guilty about it. "He who has nothing to hide, hides nothing." I firmly believe that. I have no issue with female friends. But if you're in a relationship with me and you meet a girl one time and I find out you're privately chatting a month later.........I'm GOING to be suspicious and I'm most likely not going to be okay with it. I want to wake up in the morning and feel excited about our trip this weekend. I am still carrying this heavy weight on my heart though it is better this afternoon than it was this morning or yesterday. I hate the feeling. It's like, I thought I had something and now I'm doubting it. I hate the sudden doubt and the insecurity.

[atskitty2]

I also wonder, was he hiding it, or had he just not mentioned it yet?<br />
If it was occasion snaps, he just may not have thought to share it.<br />
<br />
It's hard to form a solid opinion here. I think you need to stick with your gut on this one though. Use the weekend to determine whether you can get past it or not.

[Ashlee T.]

I don't know. I wonder the same things. I don't have any way of knowing. I now doubt everything he is saying, even though I want to believe him. I think more than anything I just feel like I've lost something that I really cherished. For the last 6 months I wake up feeling happy, love, trust, comfort, and excitement. The past few days, I do not wake up feeling those things anymore. I miss that so much and am so angry that he did this. Even if it was relatively innocent, the person on my side of this has truly no way of knowing. I am supposed to take the word of someone who has lied to me. It brings me back to a relationship I had in my early twenties. There were other red flags with this guy, but I was super na?ve and inexperienced. Anyway, I caught him emailing a former girlfriend. I packed my things and left in the middle of the night. Then, of course he showed up at my apartment distraught and sorry. He assured me he didn't want to be back with her, he assured me there was nothing. I gave it another chance and a month down the road caught him again. I left, and within one week he had moved her back into his house. I know my bf is not the same person as that guy was. He's 100% a better human being. But I can't help the fear inside wondering if this will turn out in a similar way. Here's to the weekend. I hoped I'd wake up this morning feeling excited about it, but so far, that's not the case.

[Motorguy]

Your welcome BD having 4 daughters and seeing there heart broken a couple times, by cheating boy friends as it's very hard and angers me tremendously. But have you sat down yet with boy friend and discuss how you really feel about all this. Before making a decision about ending this relationship with him or giving him another chance to prove he wants to be with you only and not be chatting with other women on snap chat. I know you will make that right decision for your self and if you can forgive the boy friend after all this.

[atskitty2]

How did the weekend trip end up?<br />
Waiting for an update.

[AnnieStock]

Be strong girl!

[Stillness]

BD, I thought about something that might give some perspective. I've been a member of this site for going on 5 years. It's an online community full of women that I talk to about sex, romance, and life in general. My wife, who's my best friend, has no idea about any of this.

I don't know exactly how she'd feel about this, but I know she wouldn't like it. She might feel some jealousy and that I've kept something from her. Still, in all this time, I've never disrespected her or dishonored our relationship. We do share some intimate details about our lives here, but I try to keep it pretty clinical with the goal of helping others and myself.

I've never even so much as playfully flirted with any of you, let alone tried to pursue a relationship. But if she saw some of the stuff I've posted or even some of the threads I've been in over the years, it would probably take a lot of explaining for her to understand and be comfortable. Even then, I'd probably have to leave this site. Am I in the wrong?

[Ashlee T.]

Hey everyone! I'm finally back in town. I had the weekend trip with my bf and then immediately left for a work trip to Texas but have finally gotten home.

Our weekend went really well. While tailgating and after having a few drinks I got upset (I knew that was going to happen...lol), but I held it together well. He was so concerned about me that he truly didn't even care about the game. I did not want to ruin the game for him, he's SUCH a huge fan and was so very excited about it. So, I asked him one question and told him that then we would move past it and not ruin our day, "What was it about her that interested you?" He said he was not interested in her in any way and that he felt like if he kept communication open with her then maybe he'd get the opportunity to "make some more of her dads money". I told him I would accept that answer, and that I believe him, but that I would not be comfortable with him playing for her again. There are consequences for lies. We never brought it up again after that and went on to have a really great weekend.

Stillness, I naturally lean toward the whole "hiding things is bad" mentality. I try to start my relationships being very honest about who I am and what I do and don't do. For example, my bf knows about this site. He doesn't know what it's called and or the address to it, but he knows I admin on a womens health site. I can see where if you were already in a marriage, knew she'd be jealous but knew you weren't doing anything you'd care for her doing, then maybe hiding this fact is less of a "sin". In the case of WH, there have probably been many times where posting here and hearing the opinions of others has helped your marriage so I do view that differently than if you were privately speaking directly to another woman, behind your wife's back and blatantly lying to her about it. Chances are, my bf was saying nothing wrong to this girl. And chances are, his intentions weren't bad. But he lied about it and that made him look guilty. It felt very much like betrayal.

[Stillness]

Ah, I didn't catch the lie. That's different.

I just reread and still don't see it. What am I missing?

[jns]

Lying by omission (from Wikipedia)

Also known as a continuing misrepresentation, a lie by omission occurs when an important fact is left out in order to foster a misconception. Lying by omission includes failures to correct pre-existing misconceptions. For example, when the seller of a car declares it has been serviced regularly but does not tell that a fault was reported at the last service, the seller lies by omission. It can be compared to dissimulation. An omission is when a person tells most of the truth, but leaves out a few key facts that therefore completely change the story.

When he didn't disclose that he was keeping in contact with the lady who hired him before he was omitting crucial information.