[Stillness]

I had to read through a third time to get a feel for just how much he was chatting with the woman and the special contact he was making with her. I get it now.

[Ashlee T.]

Yes. Looking back on it, I don't believe the chatting was every day or even every other day. He deleted his Snapchat and says he hasn't heard from her. He's so good to me and so sincere in what he does that it is hard for me to believe his intentions were bad. I think (I hope) he understands the magnitude of being untruthful with me.

I do not snoop on his phone. I know his pass code, he knows mine. But, I did check his pass code yday to see if he had changed it. He had not, so that made me feel better. He leaves the phone lying around so I would hope if he had anything much to hide he would be smarter than that.

Only time will tell I suppose.

[Stillness]

Yes. I'm happy things are looking up for you two, though.

[Popcorn&Candy]

I'm glad you enjoyed your weekend. You are obviously a very honest person and want respect in all your relationships. I agree the fact that he's leaves his phone lying around does mean he isn't hiding anything from you. I think every relationship has a blip in it. This was one of those times. I don't have any nuggets I'm afraid, but I hope things carry on being positive.

[macon]

I want to give a perspective not the same as but closer to that of Beautiful Disaster's boyfriend. I fit her description of a very sensitive guy: I'm an artist; I cry, even at movies that touch me. Three scenarios:

I was in my early twenties, in love with a woman my age. That relationship later foundered and ended with her repeated sexual encounters with other guys, but that either hadn't begun or I didn't know about it. Myself, I was pretty loose. Our relationship began with casual sex then exploded into infatuation and crazy sex. I really, really dug her. I also had a friend of a few years. She was attracted to me a lot more than I to her; I was clueless about this. We hadn't had sex or even kissed. After meeting the woman I was in the relationship with, I kept up the friendship with the other. One day, my friend and I just went ahead and had sex. I felt kind of bad, but not much. Previously, I had cheated on another girlfriend, and had felt almost nothing at all until she found out, when I had a little remorse. Young men can be self-centered and are still figuring out what a relationship is.

In was in my mid-forties, I was divorced and match.com-ing. I developed a tingly relationship with a woman hundreds of miles away. We exchanged artsy, teasing letters for months, then I visited her. We didn't have sex, entirely because I was still clueless about women. But I really dug her and we continued our correspondence. It was an abstractly erotic relationship for me, with sexual potential. I then met my current wife. I took my match.com profile down that night and the next day called a woman I'd been talking with to tell her goodbye. Later, a letter arrived from the woman I'd been corresponding with. It was beautiful (she is an artist) and newsy, about her sons and various things in her life; nothing in it referred to the spark we'd shared. I read the letter several times and sadly put it with the other beautiful letters she'd written me. I've never gone back to them. I'd learned that friendships with women other than mine need to not have an erotic component for me, even if I don't know what that woman's feelings might be.

I now have a friend, a woman I'd met in my early forties, when I was married to another woman. I was intensely attracted to her, and she evidently to me, though I didn't recognize it. After that marriage ended, I went to visit this woman, who'd since moved across the country. She booked a room with one bed near the airport. I slept beside her and never touched her __and didn't realize she wanted to have sex with me__. I was, even at that age, mostly clueless about women. Various other things happened that I felt were fun with a friend and she the beginnings of a sexual relationship. Nothing came of it. Never in the fifteen years we've been friends has there been any romantic action between us, and she no longer tells me details about her intimate life. I now keep up correspondence and talk with her on the phone. My wife doesn't like this. I explained the state of things, but her feelings didn't change; she simply accepted it. Nevertheless, this relationship will never go beyond friendship.

Somewhere between twenty and forty-five, I learned to tell the difference between relationships I might pursue sexually and those I won't. I've cut off and don't begin relationships with women I'm attracted to. In my early twenties, I had no idea how to do this, or even that I should.

Maybe Beautiful Disaster's boyfriend is a faster learner than I; few are slower. He got caught and it really hit him hard what he'd been doing. I'm not convinced, however, that at his age he learned how what happened happened, or how or why to avoid it in the future.

Beautiful Disaster, you've been a great help to me in another thread, giving sound advice on a deep pain I have. All I can offer is a look into how men can work. I hope there's some value in it.

Macon