[Joy]

The crossroads have been crossed.......

Its over.... friday night he threatened it was over... sunday he threatened it was over .... so now it is over and all there is left to do is pack up my life to this point and move forward.

i was willing to listen and to work thru it until he told me how worthless i am. I figure the only place i have to go is up.... if i'm worthless.... cause what goes down eventually swings around and goes up.

[WildChild]

Sweetheart, Joy, you are about as worthless as a flawless diamond, as beautiful flower, as a clear running stream, he's doing the sour grapes thing and hopes to bring you down to his emotional level. Endings can be so very hard but they can also be a time of rebirth and discovery. Think of it as shedding an old skin, it fit comfortably and looked good at one time but now like a lizard it's tattered and shredded and you've out grown it and it looks like heck until you get it all peeled and rubbed off.

You are starting some new studies, now you will have a fresh chapter in your life to go with it. There are no coincidences, things happen for a reason. Your energy level may feel kind of low for a while, you are healing and adjusting. But think, all that energy, that fresh new look, no more negativity being dumped on you. This sounds corney but it works: When you wake up, stretch, get out of bed and then leap, raise your arms up high and say (enthusuastically) I'm Awake, I'm Alive and I feel Great!!! I feel Good, I feel Fine, I feel this way All the Time!

With that kind of self talk, things just start happening.

Right now I wish I could make you a cup of rose tea, give you a hug and let you have good cry on my shoulder. You'll have to take the thought and the caring in it's place. Be good to yourself, be gentle with yourself.

[Guest]

The crossroads have been crossed.......

Joy been following your post some, glad to see the crossroads have been crossed, because many times that is the toughest spot to be in, the apprehension of whats going to happen. Sometimes we have this gut feeling of what might happen but we're still not quite sure.

But now that you are I believe you will probably feel like a load has been lifted; true? yes upward, you were on your way upward anyways, he was just slowing you down a bit. Now it's no holds bar none! Full steam ahead for you now, however you wish to do it!

I sympathize with you that he talked to you that way but I'm happy for ya, you'll be the better for it. Good Luck!

[Joy]

Thank you Wildchild & InNeed...

I know he is stressed he was venting and i was listening and not inturputing and allowing him to get it all out. Then he wanted my thoughts and I told him anything I had to say would flare the conversation. I could have produced the sun, the moon and the stars and it would have been wrong. So then he exploded and went on about having a conversation with himself.

At this point i was tired of being dog beat over money and taking the blame for us not having a new car, a house, and many other things. I asked him to stop speaking to me as though i were a dog. Then that opened it up he told me to go fend for myself and that i was worthless and without a job i was worthless.

Funny is i got a call this morning I have a job interview on Wedsneday As i've stated before yes i am home working on an online business. Nope i don't have a weekly pay check.

He's not all bad i've played my part I accept that. I do love him and hope all his dreams come true and he gets everything he wants and more. Maybe we were only ment to go this far in each other's lives and healing process. There are lots of things i will miss about him... but not the verbal abuse.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

The hardest thing to accept is that you can not change someone.

Sure, we try, we think we can "cross them over" that fine line, but we can't.

When angry, in my opinion, the true self comes out, once you start saying things to hurt someone, degrade them, put them down, that is truly what you are thinking, have been thinking and so it comes out.

You know I run a business.

You know that I was also told "to get a job" a "real job" and you want to call it stress, but that's an excuse... It's that he doesn't see himself as husband material, looking after someone, supporting them, en-couraging them, sacrificing for a while, he sees it as, I do this, I pay for that, rada rada, don't follow your dream, make us some money.

All selfish.

So, off course there is other sides, you love, will miss.

But your mix matched... He is not for you, for where you want to go in life, there is no real support, emotionally as the main one.

Smile and know yes, you are not worthless, at all. Your dreams of your business will eventuate and you will get employment as well to help cover whilst your business is growing, someone will stand next to you, a new world does await and so this chapter is closed.

You can't turn someone into the beauty of which you are inside, if they don't have that beauty already inside, it aint going to come out.

YOU have it, he doesn't.

So NO, no one deserves to be abused in anyway shape or form, and verbal abbusive is ...

CW

[thack]

well said CW, I could not agree more.