[ashamed_anon]

everytime I try to talk about it, she rolls her eyes as if to say, "oh, this again", and just ignores me. I also can't leave her. I must stress that.

[PJhavinfunagain]

PJ; most of the time, I would say yes, she is a definitely a willing participant. Sometimes its even her who initiates it.

Maybe I'm being childish, but I resent having the sex life of a 60 year old married couple.

Um, no where near 60 here and I happen to think that for people who are healthy but have lives and jobs that 2-3 times a week is not terrible. That's more than DH and I average. For us I would say 2 times a week is the norm. some weeks are more some less due to my cycle etc... we would both love it to be more but we are busy people so it does not always happen.

[PJhavinfunagain]

everytime I try to talk about it, she rolls her eyes as if to say, "oh, this again", and just ignores me. I also can't leave her. I must stress that.

How often are you bringing it up? if it more than once a week I would shut down too.

and I just don't get this part...

[WildChild]

everytime I try to talk about it, she rolls her eyes as if to say, "oh, this again", and just ignores me. I also can't leave her. I must stress that.

Why?

If you can't leave her, you have to be prepared to deal with a lifetime of less sex than you want or less satisfactory sex. Why would you want to sign up for that ? It doesn't sound like she is willing to talk about it or work on it.

[ashamed_anon]

PJ; Its come up three times in the past month. we are relatively busy, but our jobs are not hard, i.e. part time and not tiring. we spend almost every day together. its not even close to what I need, or what it used to be. sorry about the 60 year old comment, I'm lashing out at an imaginary foe.

wildchild; I'm hopelessly .. ...., so that doesn't seem to my, albeit irrational, mind as adequate grounds to leave her.

[WildChild]

The infatuation phase, which is supported by a flood of hormones lasts from 6 months to two years, you may well be in it. What happens when it wears off and you find you've given all this time to an unsatisfying relationship?
You need to sit down and talk seriously about this. If you don't both work in it, it will likely get worse rather than better.

[ashamed_anon]

thank you, Wildchild, you're mostly if not completely right. I will take your advice, I promise, but tentatively. I'll see how things are after a week or two, then I'll bring it up. there's no rush.

[PJhavinfunagain]

Well, sounds like there are more than a few issues and they are not all hers. This may sound mean but you seem a bit needy to me and as an independent gal it would turn me off after a while.

I dated a guy once who was all over me all the time, with him practically every second I was not at work. While it was fun at first and made me feel really loved, after a bit I was confident enough that I needed it to back off just a bit. I have always been my own person and made my own way. I began to get annoyed that this guy could not be happy unless we were together 24/7. I'm not saying this is your situation. I am just thinking about what she may be feeling from the vibe I am getting from you. I get that you love this gal. You seem completely in love with her but, you need to have some kind of life of your own as well.

You need to decide what you want out of this relationship and what kind of person you want to be. Don't let her control you. You need to have confidence in yourself. Make your life what you want it to be. Bee happy with yourself first.

[ashamed_anon]

Well, sounds like there are more than a few issues and they are not all hers. This may sound mean but you seem a bit needy to me and as an independent gal it would turn me off after a while.

I dated a guy once who was all over me all the time, with him practically every second I was not at work. While it was fun at first and made me feel really loved, after a bit I was confident enough that I needed it to back off just a bit. I have always been my own person and made my own way. I began to get annoyed that this guy could not be happy unless we were together 24/7. I'm not saying this is your situation. I am just thinking about what she may be feeling from the vibe I am getting from you. I get that you love this gal. You seem completely in love with her but, you need to have some kind of life of your own as well.

You need to decide what you want out of this relationship and what kind of person you want to be. Don't let her control you. You need to have confidence in yourself. Make your life what you want it to be. Bee happy with yourself first.

I can say without hesitation that you have the wrong idea. I'm the one who's always in trouble for not calling her enough. She's reined me in a lot, yes, but I have absolutely no problem not seeing her for up to three days and regularly do not see her for that often in a row. I have my own life, my own friends, projects etc. and often take weekend trips without her.

No, sorry, that was a misfire.

[ashamed_anon]

to be fair, PJ, I have lost my confidence a lot, so not a complete misfire, and that probably makes me come across as needy. sorry, i didn't read your post carefully enough.