[Guest]

i agree with beautiful disaster. .....

however! i play world of warcraft myself.(horde ... ) i played it constantly for a year and a half BECAUSE my bf at the time (now ex) didn't pay any attention to me. and we lived together! i felt like a piece of furniture. literally. just like what everyone else said why is he playing that game so much? i played it because i needed to escape. it was a way for me to not think about reality. sad to say most people that play that game and are COMPLETELY addicted to it have no other outlet. people that play constantly, will end up knowing you and to some extent appreciate you; and become friends and such. i still love playing the game, but now its more of a leisure time. because i don't have to escape my relationship.

[RazzleDazzle]

I know the feeling. My husband spends hours and hours in front of his computer. He is working, playing games or just staring at different websites mindlessly. It’s so frustrating. We have 2 kids that he doesn't spend anytime with. He doesn't help me with the kids, the house or any of our pets. I have been dealing with this for over 10 years. I am a fool I know. Our marriage is slowing falling apart and he doesn't seem to care. I have talked to him about it more times than I can count. He just doesn’t get it. I feel like I am second best, and his machine is more important to him than his own wife and kids. It’s so sad. I just don’t know what to do anymore. Any advice?

[Guest]

its sad to say that you have been married over 10 years and he doesn't even help you. if i were in your situation i would probably give him an ultimatum. if he doesn't respond to that; then i would leave. but that's just me. i know there's something there that keeps you holding on. but if he's not making any effort to spending time with you AND your kids that's unacceptable. its one thing to be in a relationship and your significant other is dedicated to a game/hobby more than he/she is to you. but its another thing to have kids involve. think of your kids. what kind of relationship are they going to have with their dad.

[swestward]

So Familiar

I'm having many of these same issues in my marriage. I used to be a hardcore WoW addict myself, and now that I've found the strength to ditch that timesucking piece of garbage, I can't figure out how to get my husband to come to the same realization.

He has cut down his playtime since I quit to three nights a week. This still equals about 15+ hours he sits in front of his laptop blowing up stupid monsters, but when you add that to the amount of time he spends playing Halo or trolling Facebook, the number increases significantly.

I started playing WoW because I thought he and I would enjoy playing it together -- and we did -- for a time. But now he's the master of his own guild (omg that sounds so freaking stupid now that I don't play anymore) and refuses to pull the plug on his gaming though I have repeatedly asked him to quit.

We have one daughter who just turned 4. I don't want her to grow up seeing her father constantly couched out playing WoW. He doesn't lead an active lifestyle at all. He has gained a lot of weight over the past few years whereas I have lost over 100 pounds.

I want to be more active. He wants to play WoW. I am 31. I have several "good" years left. I'm at the point where I'm going to lay down the law and refuse to spend those good years in front of the TV while my husband plays WoW.

I have never been so angry and frustrated in my life.

[Joy]

I play WoW (Horde) My BF and I both play. We are not excessive freaks... maybe when we first started but there have been many times we have let our game cards run out for several months and its all good. We actually have had a lot of fun with it.

Blizzard does craft a good game.... but WoW is not your problem. Your husband has an addiction. Addicts are SELFISH.... doesn't matter if it drugs, alcohol, sex , Internet surfing, Junkfood... whatever. Read other posts that have a S/O abusing drugs its the same story just a different source.

Addicts don't care as long as they are getting their "buzz" and when is that next hit coming doesn't matter what the addiction is that is what their brain is focused on. Addicts have gone over the line of adaptive behavior to maladaptive behavior.

If your husband and this marriage is worth it then seek out a behavior therapist... they can help someone in as little as 3 weeks take a maladaptive behavior and turn it into something adaptive in their life.

You as the enabler should also see a behavior therapist to change your empty threats enabling attitude as well. You are both sick... he is the addict and you are the enabler and these attitudes and roles have to change.

I can understand your frustration a guy that plays in our guild has a wife that feels the same way. He has actually come along way and limits himself and makes time for her and their family. So it can be done and if your marriage is worth it then don't give up.

You both need to adjust your attitudes seek some help and get thru this.

Starcraft II comes out in May so if 10 years ago this was a problem for him ya might not want him to get into that one!

I wish you all the best you deserve to be happy too.... living with an addict is not easy.

[cmoneileena1]

I feel all of your pain here ladies... my husband used to be totally addicted to WOW and Starcraft and EVE... and on and on...

Sorry but I can't really give too much advice on how to get him away from all of these games and such. My husband quite WOW when we had our first daughter and he quit EVE when we had our second. He quit a lot of things when we had our kids... he doesn't drink caffeine (or energy drinks) or smoke anymore.

Before he quit though I had many of the same problems. He used to keep me up at night because the computer was in the bedroom. It was so bad that I could lounge about practically naked and get no response. I even took over handling the money and cut off his budget and it didn't work. In the end he had to want to change and he did, after I got tired of trying to get his attention and just started disappearing. I also play some of these games but I do not have quite the addictive personality that he does. Luckily he was able to make a positive change. I encourage all women who have problems with these games to move on and do their own thing, even if you do not leave him (I didn't have to leave mine) you have to show him that you have your own things to do that could occupy 96 hours a week. (not that I recommend you use that much time) Show him how much you COULD be doing instead of paying attention to him and maybe he will get the clue that he needs to pay a little bit more attention. Good luck!

[swestward]

Not sure how I've become the enabler. I've simply asked him to quit the game time and again, and he will not. I have not made any threats either.

Honestly, I think I've stopped caring. I've been fighting this uphill battle for so long that the effort just isn't worth it. He'd rather play a game than be with me? So be it. Perhaps I should just pull the plug on our marriage and move on.

We've been in couple's counseling twice, also. In his mind, cutting his play time down to three nights a week is enough. It isn't.

I know too well the dangers of addiction. I struggle with food addiction everyday. I know that for him to change his behaviors, he has to *want* to change, and he clearly does not want that at this point.

So, what to try next? Withholding sex isn't the answer -- he has little to no interest in it anyway. Which kills me because I'm pretty insatiable. Not sure what to do or try.

[Guest]

never played WOW.. girl i know met her 4th husband playing it however...and left her 3rd husband for him.

[Joy]

swestward i wasn't refering to you as the enabler it was the original poster. Being aware of your food addicition is the first step of awareness and change. You can seek out professional help for this or read up on how to metally stop yourself reaching for food to fill a void. I'm sorry you thought i was calling you an enabler.

Its about bringing your life back into balance in that area of your life but not filling it with something else excessivly. Same as your husband its great he has an online game to play and has met ppl. The problem is if he is allowing other area's of his life to suffer because of a game .

Look around in North America there are a lot of ppl suffering from excesses in their life that are damaging other parts of their life due to negelct.

[TWills32]

First off, I am a WoW player myself. I play WoW, maintain a marriage, and go to college full-time with over a 3.0gpa. I play at night, when my husband and I have our "me" time. We spend time together after school by eating dinner, watching some tv together, then talking. Then he plays XBox 360, and I play WoW. It's about 2 or 3 hours a night we spend on our "me" time. Then we meet up in bed, and. . well, you get the idea :P On weekends, we spend time with our family and friends, so WoW and XBox 360 get the weekend off

But also, I have seen people ruin their lives over this game. My sister and her soon-to-be husband used to play. They would get into enormous fights over in-game nonsense. Then they both cheated on each other with people they met in the game. They "worked out their problems" a few months later, and decided to get married They blame WoW for every problem they ever had. . .it's sad.

Tell him that during certain hours of the day, he needs to spend time with you. Then tell him he can play later, for a few hours, before bed or something. If he doesn't want anything to do with this suggestion, consider talking to a therapist and tell them your problem. They may help you come up with solutions. Video game addiction can be treated with therapy. I don't think you should have to throw your marriage away because of a game. . .it's too sad. See if you can help him for a bit longer. See what a therapist says, seriously. There are ways to break people of addictions. If you try this, and no improvement, leave. If he doesn't chase you when you leave, you know your answer.