[Hopeless Dork]

I only think having violent fantasies is dangerous when in the mind of a mentally unstable person, a person with proven poor impulse control etc. "Normal", "Sane" people fantasize about things of all sorts some people sit and have elaborate day dreams about killing someone, or hurting someones feelings, sleeping with someone they shouldn't etc but they don't act on them. Though, they likely don't sit and have that same fantasy day after day after day, that probably wouldn't be healthy.

Crimes are committed every day, women do get raped and tortured by people that share the type of fantasy anonymous has - what makes it different for for those that can't realise something is just a fantasy and not act out on it? Who knows? Why some people can get angry about losing a job, and others can fly into a rage and burn a whole building down.

Obviously human beings are capable of the cruelest things imaginable, if jeffrey dahmer had sat down with a psychologist and explained the type of fantasies he had before he had actually commited them.. I wonder what that doctor would have said to 1. make any real difference to what he would later go on to do or 2. if they would have just patted him on the head and said 'thats okay kiddo, fantasies are no biggie' and trusted him to be out in society and supervised.

Obviously people are capable of fantasies of all sorts being able to lead a normal healthy life without ever having acted on anything that would hurt anyone. Anonymous is a great example of that. I really don't know what would be advised in this case that would have the better outcome, allowing him to continue to act it out in CGI online to curb his apetite for it.. or having him stop to start forming more healthier fantasies , possibly causing him to inadvertently focus even more on the other stuff since he's not supposed to think about it.

It seems like at this point everyone is being pretty supportive of him, you included, his doctor etc, not to mention a whole online community that share his sexual fetish. While cold turkey may lead him to obsess over it even more, I do think that he should be at least slowly introducing different fantasies and tapering off that one.

Societal pressures do lead people to curb some of their more unusual/unsafe desires, in a way I think its good for him mentally that he found a community that makes him feel less like a weirdo, makes him feel he's not the only one that thinks this way, but in a way its bad for him mentally as well because it is in a way kind of positively reinforcing this behavior.

If things like CGI weren't available (scientifically plausible) what outlet would those that NEED this type of visual stimulation use? Snuff Films? Etc?

[sourpuss]

I'm still curious if he's in therapy to find out why he has these fantasies, or if he's wanting to stop them. Is this something that he thinks is normal? I know there are a lot of whacked out fantasies out there but hanging and burning people alive more than over the top I would think.

[WildChild]

This is an area where, all joking aside, I have been forming some serious theories. It is all reflection of our abuse based societies, and permeates virtually everything - our religions, laws, the fashion world (have you seen some of the high end runway shows?) and certainly the entertainment media. It's a reflection of a sickness or warping that has been part of human society for generations. My belief is that the wide availabilty and high accessibilty of material is lending a sense that it's somehow OK and is increasing tollerance. Without going historically into how things like high infant mortality rates, plague deaths and such helped increase tollerance to human suffering, I don't think it really normal but has become the norm.

Jung and other have postulated that genetic memory or past life memory may contribute to or cause facinations, fears or other reactions to things not really part of our lives. The use of UTube and MySpace and other sites to post film of deaths by stoning, beheading and other cruel and barbaric acts may serve to increase awareness but more likely feeds unhealthy interests. In truth I doubt there are many people in modern society that d ohave some sort of violent fantasy. For many it occurs as fear of punishment in the afterlife, or fear of injury or a painful experience. To a degree that may be part of the mind's way of self protecting by envisioning what could happen and acting to avoid it. That is different than a desire to and taking pleasure from another suffering or dying painfully. University studies have found a correlation between childhood spanking and a preference for erotic violence such as spanking, birching and such.

This offers no solutions to what you are dealing with but personally I am concerned about it on a global scale as well as individual. You might invite him to try some of his fantasy out. He could tie his finger to a 'stake' and...? If that gets him off, personally I'd hike - not my scene.

[Darkrose]

I'm still curious if he's in therapy to find out why he has these fantasies, or if he's wanting to stop them. Is this something that he thinks is normal? I know there are a lot of whacked out fantasies out there but hanging and burning people alive more than over the top I would think.

He's knows they are not normal and has thought himself a freak his whole life.He is now getting comfortable with himself knowing he will never act out any of this and knowing there are thousands out there that feel the same..I still don't like it, I can say that with sincerity, but sometimes I feel it is just a small part of him and like the doc says I should not worry since he has never acted it out...He himself has said that if weren't for his parents, particularly his mother he doesn't know if he would have turned out this way or even worse. so he does know it is not normal.. His fantsy is nothing like some people there who believe it or not post pictures, either photo manipulated or posed, or drawings, of women being cooked like a pig in a spit, being raped while being hanged, having multiple men rape, sodomize, and forced to suck at the same time..women on crosses getting crucified..there are real women and it is all staged.. I think the women who agree to this are even more sick..If you google the word "Dolcett" you will see who is considered the "founder" of this ...In my 52 years on eath I had never heard of this except for bondage movies, but not this, ever..his stuff is tame to what some do there..

I want to thank everyone here who has said something, it helps to discuss this and I wish I could find a significent other of someone else who is dealing with this as well..thanks again..DR.

[Guest]

I'd be interested to hear more about why he attributes the problem to his mother -

Rape fantasies are normal in that they are common. They are often abnormal in that they usually indicate a problem.

Often when men have broken relationships with their fathers - and/or manipulative, controlling mothers - these issues arise. Sometimes they shun women altogether, sometimes become homosexual - more often they consume women, either through unprotected promiscuity, consumption of pornography, or...

interest/fantasies revolving around extremely violent sex.

There's not necessarily anything "off" about someone who harbors rape fantasies. There is always trouble associated with someone who derives sexual pleasure from someone's suffering.

People have differing opinions on this - but regardless of our opinions - clinically, it indicates trouble.

I would imagine that your fiance is interested in porn that degrades, humiliates women. Most porn is that way (which tells us something about the state of most people's relationships to their fathers/mothers).

But the natural progression along the path that begins with degrading porn is this stuff you're dealing with.

A guy can be gentle, sweet, kind, loving, etc - and still be "secretly" bent toward this stuff. It's a broken perception, probably rooted in a broken relationship with a parent - or both.

I'd love to talk more with you about this -

[CHANDLERS WISH]

He himself has said that if weren't for his parents, particularly his mother he doesn't know if he would have turned out this way or even worse.

So, does this suggest that as a child (6 years of age), he was "drawing" pictures of simular nature?

The above poster, seems to have some insight into physcology, whether this is correct or not I don't know, but having studied it years ago, I get the language.

I still think something disturbed him as a child maybe 3 or 4 years of age, supressed, locked away. I don't know if his Mother or Father, knew, know, but obviously they have tried to assist him back then.

I get the fantasy thing... But, he was disturbed himself over it, seems to me he wants to know the route of the cause, the reason...

Seems you do too.

Hense why I think hypnotherapy may be a way to help, or speaking seriously with his parents and asking straight forward questions to try to trigger memory.

It's the nakedness, and murder side and only women, degrading them, humiliating them... with no other sexual desire to be aggressive in his sexual relations, that gets me.

CW

[Darkrose]

I'd be interested to hear more about why he attributes the problem to his mother -

Rape fantasies are normal in that they are common. They are often abnormal in that they usually indicate a problem.

Often when men have broken relationships with their fathers - and/or manipulative, controlling mothers - these issues arise. Sometimes they shun women altogether, sometimes become homosexual - more often they consume women, either through unprotected promiscuity, consumption of pornography, or...

interest/fantasies revolving around extremely violent sex.

There's not necessarily anything "off" about someone who harbors rape fantasies. There is always trouble associated with someone who derives sexual pleasure from someone's suffering.

People have differing opinions on this - but regardless of our opinions - clinically, it indicates trouble.

I would imagine that your fiance is interested in porn that degrades, humiliates women. Most porn is that way (which tells us something about the state of most people's relationships to their fathers/mothers).

But the natural progression along the path that begins with degrading porn is this stuff you're dealing with.

A guy can be gentle, sweet, kind, loving, etc - and still be "secretly" bent toward this stuff. It's a broken perception, probably rooted in a broken relationship with a parent - or both.

I'd love to talk more with you about this -

I would like to continue this conversation as well...I'm still confused most of the time...thanks for the offer

[Darkrose]

"I'd be interested to hear more about why he attributes the problem to his mother" I think what I meant was because of his parents particularly his mother he is not a danger to society. His upbringing was fairly normal, his Mom is really really nice, especially to me and she has just been made aware of his proclivity and is just as shocked as I was about it..

[Bad/goodboy]

A word of understanding

Hi Darkrose
I feel sorry for you, it must be hard to know, that your fiancee has this kind of issue and you cant do anything about it. It must also scare you for obvious reasons, right? You are doing the right thing that you ask, though. You would be surprised, but there are many people out there with similar problems.
Maybe I can give you a different point of view, because I have had similar fantasies for ages. Yes I know its wierd. No, I have no idea where it came from. I have tried to figure this out by myself for a long time. If you want to talk more about this subject, please write. I would also appreciate any feedback. Just remember a few things: If there is a problem, it needs to be accepted and coped with. Thats my philosophy here. Its been a long time since last post has been made here, but I hope you will write anyway