[rcoreyus]

Something still seems strange about this. The police actions (raiding the house) seems politically motivated. After all there is LOTS of prostitution - in most cases the police do very little about it.

Whatever is going on, I don't know if it makes the situation better (he was set up somehow), or worse (child prostitution?), but I think it is important to find out as much as possible before deciding what to do.

[Hopeless Dork]

I dont think it sounds strange at all, prostitution is not a big deal in the polices eyes when its joe the dishwasher that gets busted for it and gets a ticket and hands washed of the whole thing.

When it comes to public officials, clergy, etc.. the scandel is blown way out of proportion, computers could be seized to check if he was meeting or paying for prostitutes escorts online, or possibly to chase a money trail to see if company funds were used or worse, public funds used to pay for the illegal activity.

Could be many things but not off at all. There has been a huge amount of media attention lately on high price prostitute rings being busted with records of prominant clients using company money to pay for it etc.

[Redrosie]

Everyone here is so amazingly supportive. Thanks for the good wishes - I still am not sure what I am going to do but I know that no matter what it's going to be a long road. We've talked some and i know that they are looking for child porn on his computer. He was also having an affair with someone and says that 1. there is and never was child porn, that he has his demons, but that is not one of them and 2. the affair is over. My gut tells me that #1 is true, but the affair still continues.

There is a whole lot of other baggage and over the years, he has slowly separated me from my friends and family. He has had cosmetic surgery and gotten his masters degree all to make him more marketable (his words). I have put up with all of this, thinking that somewhere down the road, I would have my turn. Instead I'm told I have wasted my education (we both agreed I would only work part-time so I could be home with our daughter) and has generally made me feel that if it weren't for him I would be nowhere. (and look at us now...)

I have never been on my own - we met in college and were married right after graduation. We grew up together, he was smart and charming and ambitious, we built our life and now there is this whole other side that I was oblivious to. My whole life and identity has revolved around around my family and i do have seriously consider leaving or having him leave. How do I get the courage to do it?

What I am discovering is that friends I thought I had lost are there to support me and the common theme is that I shouldn't sell myself short and that I deserve a lot better. I don't know what it is like to go out with friends or with other couples or to go shopping without worrying that I would be gone too long and yelled at. I have forgotten that I am smart and fun loving and have opinions of my own.

I am afraid to let people know the real me because I have been put down for such a long time and I am not even sure of who I am anymore. Sorry if I am rambling but one thought lead to another and so on. but it feels good just to put this out there.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

He had been arrested for prostitution and in the process has lost his job, his pension and destroyed any future career he had been planning. He has torn apart our family and I don't know what to do.

and i know that they are looking for child porn on his computer.

I would have thought any Government body, firing someone, for "accusations only" could get sued big time, especially one of his stance, resources.

I also (having worked for an Investigation Firm for 4 years), believe that police can not gain a warrant to search a property, unless they have facts to a degree, not based only on suspicion.. Again, if he hasn't ever watched child pornography, then he could make a huge stink in the press about being "set up" and save his position.

I still don't see this as adding up...

He had an affair, he probably had several affairs, he is a man of position whom had a face lift and put his wife down constantly, and in doing so, ruined her self esteme therefore, she remained his wife.

he has slowly separated me from my friends and family. He has had cosmetic surgery and gotten his masters degree all to make him more marketable (his words).

It sounds to me that he married you because you were sweet, impressionable, would give up your career, friends, life for him and so perfect for where he wanted to head in life.

Friends, never go away, if they are true friends and I am glad that you have their support.

I am afraid to let people know the real me because I have been put down for such a long time and I am not even sure of who I am anymore

.

or to go shopping without worrying that I would be gone too long and yelled at.

You do remember who you were, look in the mirror she is still there..

You don't deserve to be yelled at for being gone too long, from the household, you don't deserve to be cheated on, you don't deserve to be told, that you wasted your education because "he stuffed up" and now wants you to support.

If he had nothing to hide, trust me, he could easily start the ball rolling to get his name cleared, easily and would persue it to the highest degree because that is the type of person he is, he likes power.

He has power over you...

Does he?

Your friends are there for you now... What he has done to you over the years obviously has wayed heavily for a long period of time, acceptance, then rebelion, or wanting to rebel.

Snow ball effect... Cause and effect... He has started the downslide and it's going to get worse, because he will not gain his position, or any other, he will lose the woman he's having an affair with as he has no power, authority anymore, he will lose his wife, and daughter, because he has created this for years, it just needed the ice to start to crack before it melted totally.

You now have the power.

You can be who ever you want, remember that.. If you had to get a job to support him? You can get a job to support yourself and your daughter.

If you don't know how to go out with friend? Ask them now to show you how.

If you were segregated from family and friends, go to them now and watch how easy it is for them to open their arms to you again.

I gain the impression that your not ready to run, you want to, but your ready to take a few steps on your own.

CW