[anonymouswhitefemale]

That's ok

The thing about womens' insecurity, is that it is far more annoying than whatever it is that they're worried about. Constantly hearing "do I look fat?" is far more destructive to a relationship than them being slightly fat. And the position that it constantly puts the man in.

If you want to be sexy, have confidence and stop fretting about anything/everything.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

I think the threader had the same opinion regarding "annoying" habits in "general" of men as well?

What did she call them?
General, only general mind you.

Back to the topic at hand, porn issues.

CW

[Hopeless Dork]

I understand what AWF is saying about insecurities being worse than the actual problem. I've been told a lot of times that sometimes men don't even notice the little things that worry us until we ram them down their throat and force them to stand up and pay attention to it (over and over again).

But I also think that men aren't as subjected to the same amount of pressure to be perfect or constantly put an a position of feeling inferior , because most women tend to go out of their way to not put a guy in that situation.

If a man has an average size penis, and every morning when he goes to have a cup of coffee and check his email he is bombarded with websites of men with huge penis', his SO is not so into sex with him and likes to spend time in the computer room when he's gone.. he will eventually start to maybe..just maybe .. feel a little insecure with a completely normal and big enough penis.

Even if he is just fine, and deep down knows it.. constantly seeing the one he loves looking at many other penis' to relieve stress would start to wear on him. Guys can say nope, but fact is - they aren't going to have to experience that so they just don't know what that feels like.

Now take a guy with a penis he KNOWS isn't so big and put him in that same above situation, already feeling a little insecure - how that could possibly just possibly make him feel bad about himself.

Even when a women feels like her body is just right, and she's happy - watching her man spend so much time looking at airbrushed completely flawless bodies can make her feel down about herself. What is so hard for the collectively annoyed male population to understand about that?

I know that insecurity starts with self and that we shouldn't compare ourselves to porn stars who have a team of people making sure there is not one stretch mark in view, but gosh sometimes its so hard not to.

I am a very sexual person, and not a jealous person, I am a trusting person who just gets frustrated sometimes that guys sit and worship these strangers that aren't going to give them the time of day. When I was 13 I had a picture of johnny depp on my wall, then I grew up and realised johnny wasn't going to be with me and haven't put another celeb or good looking stranger on my wall. My boyfriend is wicked hot I feel no need to drool over guys online, that is how I feel. Knowing he's drooling over random pretty girls while I know its NORMAL, its a guy thing - suck it up and deal, it makes me feel SOMETIMES (not all the time) like I am just not good enough.

[rcoreyus]

Both men an women are exposed to unrealistic images in the media. Women see actresses who spend hours getting ready for a shoot, and who somehow manage to look perfect even after having sex.

Men are presented with images of young, attractive, rebel men - who play music, or paint, and don't give in to mainstream business life - but somehow manage to live in 5000 square foot "artists lofts" in manhattan, buy $50 boquets of flowers for their girlfriends, and can ski, scuba dive, and out-fight professional killers.

Both images are impossible. I think romance novels put as many unrealistic expectations on men as porn does on women.

[mymirrose]

I agree with Hopeless, most men couldn't handle it if we plastered everything with penis pictures. We put up with pictures of naked women because society has trained us that we are to put up with it. I have heard all the excuses in the book about why men like to look at naked women, but I really think men would have the same thoughts we have, if we were always looking at pictures of men who are more well endowed than they are, and got off in front of the pictures or video while they were in the next room waiting for us.

[OlikTver]

RE: Hopeless Dork

[QUOTE=Hopeless Dork;84594]

Even when a women feels like her body is just right, and she's happy - watching her man spend so much time looking at airbrushed completely flawless bodies can make her feel down about herself. What is so hard for the collectively annoyed male population to understand about that?

I agree with you 100 percent, Hopeless Dork! I also don't understand why is it so hard for men to comprehend this? It's just so obvious! Even if a woman didn't have any insecurities about her body - and knows that she's hot - when she sees her man every day sneaking around behind her back and jacking off to those wh***s - what is she supposed to think? It'll actually create insecurities that she didn't have before that happened.

And men are surprised and annoyed with women who think that porn is an issue - why is that? What is there to be surprised about? Isn't it just simple logic?

[WildChild]

LOL, given the average male's homophobia and insecurities in this arena I shudder to think of the result! They'd probably all go limp -there are some parts of the world where male brutality and control reign where it just might be a good thing!

[OlikTver]

Update

Hi, everybody, and thanks for your input. I have another question: how to stop being paranoid and not to check the history and stuff like that. I know I just should accept the fact that hubby watches porn sometimes... but what really ticks me off is that he promises with tears in his eyes not to do it ever again and than does it anyways - I would rather have him be honest and telling me: "Baby, I'm very sorry, but I cannot stop and occasionally I will look at porn, and it's not a big deal". I would respect him more if he did that. What's the point of giving all the promises in the world and than not keeping them? That's the most difficult thing about it actually, at least for me. If he knows that he can't stop - than he shouldn't give any promises, right?

[Iseulda]

I have to answer this from the point of view of a woman who watches and enjoys porn - I understand that's not where the OP or some of the other posters are coming from, but perhaps my PoV will help.

Porn for me, is not so much about the 'perfect' bodies of the women or men I'm watching. It's about the sex. It's about watching two (or 3 or 12!) people . Even watching one person is more about what that person is doing than how they look. Now, obviously, for most people it is better if the person is attractive but it's not about that - not all about it. My man watches porn about as much as I do - I know he doesn't find those women more attractive than me, I know porn stimulates him in the same way it does me. I'm comfortable with that and, as far as he's said he's comfortable with my porn watching. Even with watching lesbian stuff, which I do, because, though he can't give me that in our own sex life, he understands that it's a fantasy - I don't watch women having sex with each other because I want to do it, but just because I like watching it.

I do understand what many of you are saying about images of scantily clad women in the media and how women have to put up with seeing a lot more T&A than men have to put up with seeing ripped abs and such (though that is on the rise and I can see it making guys uncomfortable in a very similar way).

Also - to the OP - I agree with your last post that the lying about stopping is the hurtful bit, but sometimes people really mean that stuff when they say it - maybe he really wants to mean, maybe he really tries but then doesn't understand the big deal and folds. Really you need to talk to him. Explain that to him - Ask him to help you understand why he watches it, what he gets out of it and then explain why it bothers you but why the lying about giving up bothers you more.

I hope this resolves for you.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

If he cries, then he means it, they are tears.

Seems he has a soft soul and, .......

He knows he should stop but you stated there were parts you would agree, so what would you comprimise?

CW