[Seeker]

Voice of experience...

Hi there, reading your post reminds me of where i was when i met my partner 5 years ago, he was a bachelor and regarded himself a 'porn king' talk about deluded. Up until that point porn wasn't an issue for me so i guess i was naive, and boy was i.

My SO and i have been to and back over this one, i have tried everything from being true to myself and totalling rejecting it, to trying to be caring, understanding and sympathetic to his needs and watching it with him, at the moment i'm in a kind of 'don't care phase' which is probably not good but it's my way of dealing with it at the moment.

Honestly i don't care for porn, I think it's geared more towards male fulfillment
and degrading to women, and some of it is downright disgusting, in my being open minded phase i came to realize that porn is really boring, i mean its the same thing over and over, people having sex, now theres something i didn't know before... Are we really that pathetic that we need guidance on sex from strangers, maybe guys are dull, boring, and unimaginative?

My SO tells me he does it to get his rocks off because he can't visualize it in his head, but not to worry, these girls mean nothing to him and he loves me bla bla bla bla... it's just sickening. I don't think showing my wares online to other men will do it for me either because they're just like my SO ... and it won't make me feel better.

Reading this thread has brought up some interesting thoughts though in that I am currently working on a project that has to do with empowering women to reclaim what we've lost, ourselves. We all know that the world we live in is a male dominated society, and porn is no exception - in that it is geared mainly towards men, but i think whats good for the goose could also be good for the gander.

I know you're thinking it's been done before, Porn for Females' yes i know it has but I think they got it wrong by trying to please the masses of females with male type porn. We are wired differently and male oriented porn is dull and boring, theres no fantasy, no romance, no build up, no nothing to get our imagination stirring, i'm not saying long and boring storylines but more realism.

I like the idea someone posted about male penises on their page but i think lets face it, they really are ugly, and size does matter, although technique can more than make up for lack of size, and this is something that we should not feel ashamed of, just as our men feel entitled to see us naked, and label us by our bust and size, you don't see them posting apologies for being so superficial.

I'd really love to be able to go for a cuppa coffee and pick up an empowering magazine for women that had pics of gourgeous men in their G's in provacative poses, you know a magazine that focused on the ideal man every girl has in her head, Mr knight in shining armor .... he he .... or the fireman ... or whatever gets you going. I think it's about time we started to have a preference for the type of men we want, why not.

In this generation of bed hoppers maybe we shouldn't be so caught up in the romanticism of happilly ever after and just go with the flow and enjoy our youth and not get so tied down by something as mundane as, "Oh he doesn't find me attractive" or whatever, just get on with it and find out what makes you special to you, no one else can fill that need for you, and when you realize that, you'll stop looking for answers in your partner.

[WildChild]

Well everyone is different. Personally I don't think penises are ugly although I'm not much interested in one that isn't attached to a man I'm attached to. His I love, the different textures and the way it changes - it's delightful. Do I want to see every guy's? No. That may be part of the difference between women and men - they are more interested in seeing all.

If you look up some of the recent research on the brain and responses you'll find that researchers have found that women's and men's brains respond very much the same to visual stimuli (sexual material). Speculation is that women have been trained from an early age not to respond. I've been doing some of my own research on the sources of some of the sexual ideas we have as well as the culture of abuse and disfunctionality that we have. This has gone on for a long time and as bad we may think things are now - they have been far worse - just look up some of the "games" played in the middle ages. Kids entertained themselves with such wholesome activities as putting a bag over someone's head, forming a circle around them and hitting them with sticks. Or how about Victorian England's obsession with enemas and whippings? Those 'good old days' were pretty brutal.

I too am interested in seeing women empowered but not just women. I want to see people freed from the nonsense we have been feed for the past few thousand years. We need to get away from gender domination, as well as age domination. Teaching and learning self control can occur without brutality. This isn't going to be easy. It won't happen in a generation. I've been looking things such as the effects of plagues and a culture of war on emotional attachment between parents and children as well as between adults. This goes way back. Look at the story of Ipegenia brought by lies to to be sacrificied to ensure good winds so that her father could go rescue Helen, who was some other man's love. Thousands died in the war for Troy but it all started on two women's blood or bodies. Using women as excuses, as objects, as whipping posts for society's ills goes way back. We must take care what we lay the ground work to put in it's place. We don't need to become what men have become but to find a better way for all. That certainly includes sexual fullfillment and not using sex as a weapon to control either gender.

A lot depends on attitude. You can see porn from many angles. It is objectification of women but also of men - men in porn don't have ED or size concerns. It is a way of gratification without involvement. It is sex without concern for the other's pleasure so it selfish. But in some ways it is sex without manipulation. There are no expectations, no requirements, no having to hold back. It is a way of reaching orgasm without dealing with an unresponsive of uninterested partner or without a lot of build up. It is also a tool to control men, a way of making them wrong, of inducing guilt. The whole thing is a complicated mess! And it exists because we don't have a very healthy attitude toward sex or relationships as a whole, worldwide. I hold a great deal of hope that we will get there. You and I may not see the day but we can help lay the groundwork.

[bribri]

Just wanted to add.. that I don't think a lot of men could handle that as much. If they were horny all the time, and you wouldnt give them sex when they are waiting in the next room but instead sit and browse naked men to rub yourself to.. I dont think as many men could tolerate that as the amount of women that come here do. Their ego's couldnt take that.

Wow! I agree! MAybe this is something I need to do to make a painfully clear point. I can not be expected to be fine with him masturbating to something that I can never be...I wonder how he would feel if I put him in the same spot.

[WildChild]

No doubt you are right. Women tollerate from men all sorts of things that men simply will not/cannot live with. We are taught to sacrifice and adjust.

[Guest]

[QUOTE=OlikTver;84704]

Even when a women feels like her body is just right, and she's happy - watching her man spend so much time looking at airbrushed completely flawless bodies can make her feel down about herself. What is so hard for the collectively annoyed male population to understand about that?

I agree with you 100 percent, Hopeless Dork! I also don't understand why is it so hard for men to comprehend this? It's just so obvious! Even if a woman didn't have any insecurities about her body - and knows that she's hot - when she sees her man every day sneaking around behind her back and jacking off to those wh***s - what is she supposed to think? It'll actually create insecurities that she didn't have before that happened.

And men are surprised and annoyed with women who think that porn is an issue - why is that? What is there to be surprised about? Isn't it just simple logic?

Just playing the devil's advocate here.

Even when a man's body is just right and he's happy, knowing that his significant other is spending so much time with their sex toys masturbating, what is he supposed to think?

I'm not sure why women can't comprehend that especially knowing that the use of sex toys dulls a woman's body responsiveness to a man's touch. Even if the man is great in bed, this is bound to create insecurities in him.

Women are surprised and annoyed to see that the use of sex toys is an issue to some men - why is that? What is surprising about that? Isn't it simple logic?

Just wanted to add in my two cents. I see a lot of talk on here about women insecure about their men watching porn, but don't see anything wrong with using a vibrator. Don't get me wrong, i'm not judging anyone, nor do condone the use of either, but if woman can use inanimate objects to masturbate, why can't a man?

[Hopeless Dork]

Touché, Ohthereyouare.

If a woman is using a vibrator so often that she is causing the man to fight an uphill battle to try to pleasure her, its just as selfish and unfair as the man who is using porn to fill his needs all the time instead of giving his SO the intimacy SHE desires from him.

If a woman is using a dildo larger than her boyfriend/husband's penis I can see the same kind of insecurities developing within him as in the woman who's boyfriend/husband looks at porn stars with flawless pictures.

If a man is unable to make his woman orgasm but she orgasms from a plastic toy I can see how that would make him feel as bad as the girl who's guy would rather look at porn than look at her in the flesh.


Bottom line is no matter what sex you are, you want to be the main object of desire to the one you love. You want to be the cause of their pleasure, everyone wants to feel necessary sexually. It's essential to a relationship.

I read your other post where you and your S.O both dumped the sideshow stuff for a while and how it has enhanced your pleasure together... and its the right thing to do for you guys it sounds , seems like it is helping.

It all comes down to , to me, being fair and compromise. I've told my guy that I don't mind if he looks at porn as long as he is still desiring me most. Meaning.. letting me fulfill his sexual needs FIRST... then go to porn if there is any residual needs I'm not taking care of (which I do everything in my power to assure there is not :P lol)

I masturbate frequently (not with a vibrator) but that never slows down my desire for him, in fact its my desire for him that drives me to want to pleasure myself so much. If it was ever getting in the way of my sexual interest in him, I would drop that act in a heartbeat. Nothing feels better than being with him.