[beerock]

But, why is it that she likes him?

She liked him before you, from what I understand and still does.

And, no, it is not relevant if a guy has money or doesn't, in the bigger picture, sure there are children and they need to be cared for but it sounds like the family don't want her to rely on them and so she was searching for someone who could support her, not love, she didn't love her first husband according to you, and maybe not you either, but she seems to love this guy.

What seriously can you do?

CW

I suppose the only thing I can do is sit back and date other women and hope she realizes that this married guy is not for her. SHe left him once and came back to me It could happen again. I know her better then anyone and knows she says thing out of anger and doesnt mean them.

perhaps it is just for the best for 4-5 months I have been in dismay over everything. she gave her all and was very good to me and I gave my best as well but my hindsight killed it. When I went back I did all the things I shoud have. as far as her atitude towards me she had a lot of animosity towards me which I suppose i deserved but not for a full month. I stood up to it after 2 weeks and it was constant criticizing. I suppose it was everything she wanted to do to make her think how much better the married guy was. Little does she know hes full of

[beerock]

But, why is it that she likes him?

She liked him before you, from what I understand and still does.

And, no, it is not relevant if a guy has money or doesn't, in the bigger picture, sure there are children and they need to be cared for but it sounds like the family don't want her to rely on them and so she was searching for someone who could support her, not love, she didn't love her first husband according to you, and maybe not you either, but she seems to love this guy.

What seriously can you do?

CW

thats the thing though, she does love me I know she does. for the month we were hanging out she kept playing with her hair which is a primal instinct. there were instances that she had said things and did things contrary to how she was acting.

sometimes i think she is testing me but at this point I have implemented NC again and will not call her. sometimes I have feelings of anger so deep that I want to find this married guy and harm him. For me this would be the first time I ever wanted to really hurt another human being. I know its no good to carry it out. I'm just so mad about it.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

I stood up to it after 2 weeks and it was constant criticizing. I suppose it was everything she wanted to do to make her think how much better the married guy was.

Why do you want to be with someone who constantly critizises you?

Seriously.

[beerock]

Why do you want to be with someone who constantly critizises you?

Seriously.

she never did it when we were together, because i was doing it to her. on one point its a good thing because at least she is communicating things to me that she use to keep inside. and because of certain criticizms I have become a better person. for example. she had said something about me talking with food in my mouth. she never said anything to me before about it. after she said that I had become aware of it and stopped. so it wasnt all bad but she just went overboard with it.for example she had also said how i say the same thing over and over again and it was annoying. she constantly brought it up. However what she wasnt getting was. I would repeat myself when she would interupt me without finishing so thats why I ould repeat myself and I had told her If she would just let me say my piece I wouldnt have to repeat myself.

I just thought of this and cant help butthink she did some things when we were apart to please me when we got back together so it seemed. She never learned to use chopsticks when we were going out after I kept trying to show her but she would give up on learning and I would just be like fine. well, when we were hanging for that month she had showed me how she learned to use chopsticks.

I had also mentioned to her how she would look so good with her hair cut short and about a week prior to me coming over she had her hair cut short like I had wanted her to when we were going out. she also reorganized her closets to accomodate someone elses clothes. I had mentioned to her that she had all her closets full of her stuff and how could I live there with no closet space for my own stuff.

things like this have me confused as and sometimes I think she was mad that I had come back over before she had gotten a lot of her stuff in order. SO maybe I screwed up and she was ****ed. I dont know and im driving myself nuts.

I am currently pursuing a new woman and I am hoping it works out well andperhaps I can see that my ex was just not for me.

[beerock]

HOw do you edit these posts??? I dont see a edit window anywhere? so i have to post a new reply just to add to my previous reply.. any help??

so I wanted to add that this new woman has a 7 year old son and I am being positive about it but still think about my ex. I have this feeling my ex is going to come back a couple months into this new endeavor I have found and it hurts me to think I may go back to my ex. Which makes me feel like I should not pursue her. However it could always go the other way and my ex may come back and I will tell her too late. SO i have to try with this new woman. Maybe she is for me maybe she is not But if I dont try I'll never know.

[anonymouswhitefemale]

This is pretty painful to read... It's sort of what the friend would have to put up with when you're crying into the bottom of your beerglass at the pub and they're wondering just how much time they need to spend with you to still be considered a friend.

Man up, for christs sakes.

[WildChild]

For many of us men are neither interchangable or replaceable.

This situation sounds like a losing proposition. Reading through all you have written I see many reasons why it won't work, both of you have made mistakes. It sounds like your disagreements become hyper emotional shouting matches and you both say and do things you will regret. You need to learn some better conflict resolution skills. What doesn't come through in all you have written is why you care for her? What are her good qualities? She's seems to be poor at mothering, inconsistant, in love with an unobtainable man, she has sex with you one day and tells you there is nothing between you the next. Is that what you want to commit to for the rest of your life?

Build your business, rebuild your life, let go of her and when the time is right for you, you canl ook for a who has her head on straight.

[beerock]

For many of us men are neither interchangable or replaceable.

This situation sounds like a losing proposition. Reading through all you have written I see many reasons why it won't work, both of you have made mistakes. It sounds like your disagreements become hyper emotional shouting matches and you both say and do things you will regret. You need to learn some better conflict resolution skills. What doesn't come through in all you have written is why you care for her? What are her good qualities? She's seems to be poor at mothering, inconsistant, in love with an unobtainable man, she has sex with you one day and tells you there is nothing between you the next. Is that what you want to commit to for the rest of your life?

Build your business, rebuild your life, let go of her and when the time is right for you, you canl ook for a who has her head on straight.

One of my main concerns with her is exactly what you brought up, conflict resolution skills another words, "communication". I had said in previous posts that I have tried to calmly talk to her about issues and when I have been cut off I repeat myself until she lets me ay my part. All the time while repeating myself I would get angry but kept my tone of voice and level the same, while she would keep cutting me off and raising her voice each time till she was screaming. Les be honest here, if someone cut you off in mid sentence of trying to say something that is infomative or an explanation for something. You too would repeat yourself to somoene you care for. if that person who cuts you off is just a acquaintance perhaps you would just stop trying to convey your point.

It goes beyond just our conversations, she cuts everyone off, her son and daughter as well as family members. she has major communication issues and no one has taken the time to point it out except for me an funy enough her daughter.

the first night we had sex she did mention it was just for fun and doesnt mean anything. during sex though she was holding onto me like bear hug and she never did that before. after it she was cuddling me like we use to. which confused the heck out of me.

Her good qualities, when we were together we both worked well with the kids and they became much more controllable. she would always make me breakfast in bed. we always worked well together while bargaining. we always laughed a lot. her kids education has always been a priority, taking them to special classes on the weekend. paying for top schools so they get the best learning experience. very family oriented. she always smiled from ear to ear when the four of us were out having a good time which made my heart beat faster. when we had met she rarely smiled because she had been sad for a while. the change in her made me know she truely loves me.

I suppose I had no reason to tell anyone here why I love her. I now it and that all that matters. However when your online I suppose you have to tell all to paint a picture. My reason for posting was to get out the issues we have had and what to do in terms of the married guy.

Look, I love and care about her more then anyone in the world. I know her better then anyone in her life. I know she has difficulty making decisions and makes mistakes which she ends up regretting. this is a time where she is making a mistake and I won't let her. its a two fold mistake, first she is going after a married guy and second she has lied to herself about us. she has lied to herself about being in love with me and wanting to marry me. I feel she is ashamed of what she has done to me and is running away from it instead of coming to terms with it. I have already come to terms with it and have been trying my best. however she is so wrapped up in her lie about us she doesnt see the truth. I know I cant make her see it and thats why I have not called her at all for a week so far.

I know its up to her to see the truth and thats all I can do. However with a married guy that is full of its not easy. especially because in these married guy situations the Other Woman has waited YEARS for them. I know that in terms of competition a married guy is much more of a challenge to get then a single guy and thats where my problem lies. From what ive read these other women always end up very hurt and then realize they wasted there life I dont want her to be that woman. I love her too much for this married guy to play her out. It hurts me to just think about her realization of this lying married guy and then realize she threw away the best man she ever had because of a guy who played her.

so no one can think of any way for me to get her to indirectly find out about the married guys lies with the articles I have read? or does she just have to find out for herself?

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Each "article" you read, assuming you are talking about this site, is based on an individual situation.

Each situation, is different, certainly they all say they got hurt, but so does the younger generation that have been with in a relationship for two years and all of a sudden, that relationship is over.

"If you love something set it free, if it comes back to you it's yours, if it doesn't it never will"...

"Life is about lessons, each mistake you make, grow and learn from it"......

It is not your decision, choice but hers. Be there when / if she falls, is all you can do and in the meantime, if this is the direction she wishes to take, then that is her choice...

Go live your choices...

CW

[happy ending]

i think its over and if you really do care about her, you will just leave her alone. she has made her choice whether or not you agree with it. let it be.