[Cherrybaby]

My husband and I have been married for almost 9 years now. In this time I've always known that he watched porn. I never thought too much about it until he started complaining that I didn't do this or I didn't do that when it came to the bedroom. Of course I don't, sorry I'm not a porn star! I've come to notice that he's watching it more and more, on a daily basis even, and now he's seeming more and more bored with me. I've done everything I can to try to make sure that he is satisfied. Now I'm feeling like I am not good enough, I don't do the right things, my boobs aren't big enough, so on and so forth. It hurts me. I just don't understand why I don't seem to be enough. What is it that is wrong with me? Why the need for porn, the morning I go to work, after we just had sex the night before. Not only that, he feels the need to hide it. Why do you hide things unless you know that you are doing something wrong? Anyone have any input?

[WildChild]

THere had been a lot of discussion on here about porn, you might want to go back a read some of it. It does sound like he would like to spice things up a bit. Why not? It's good to keep things fresh. It's not anything wrong with you but the two of you have probably fallen into a bit of a rut?

[caterpillar79]

Get help!

Due to misuse of technology, more and more husbands, significant others, and boyfriends get addicted to porn. You are not alone. He definitely needs help - it is his addiction which is the problem, not you. Don't blame yourself and stop that self-pity.

Are you out of shape all these 9 years? Whether you are or not, get your butt in the gym and workout. I've always been telling fellow women to keep working out, and keep their bodies toned - healthy and attractive. Beauty is in the eye of the beer-holder, I meant beholder...what impairs his eyes is his obsession to porn - fantasy, people who are just acting out, not real, unreachable.

Have you talked to him about how it is devastating your relationship, and how it is affecting you as a wife, as a person? Try to sitdown and tell him how you feel in a "safe" and loving way. Focus on telling him how you feel, not on what he does.

You should be his own brand of porn. Get outside help. Find a counselor/sex therapist/psychologist...whatever fits you.

[Hopeless Dork]

Does he say your boobs aren't big enough or is that just how you feel because the women he looks at has them? He wants to include you, it sounds like by the way you say he wants you to try new things. If these new things are not going to cause you any physical or emotional scars, why not suprise him one night and give something fresh a shot?

I don't mean that you have to cater to his every whim or try to become a porn star or do anything that hurts your body or your feelings but barring those things, a new position, a new outfit, a new act that you both agree on can bring something exciting and fun for you too.

Sometimes women can push a committed man in a corner. He has a desire for something and they say , nope I won't do it you need to get over it - and then get mad at the porn they watch that fullfills at least the visual aspect of the desire.

There was a poster recently that was completely against blowjobs, at least the ending part , or handling the ending part in the way he wanted, she said - thats for the women that the men don't marry. But if he's with you - you already have his respect if he wants to get down and dirty with you, you are committed you can let your hair down and dig in.

Of course it has to be things that you are comfortable with, but you might want to push your own bounderies a little bit, life is short, he is with YOU, just because he has desires to spice it up doesn't mean you are doing anything wrong it means he's curious and wants to explore. I think exploring with him would bring you two even closer, but of course it has to be what you want and what you are willing to do.

You don't have to swing from the drapes and what not, but maybe taking a fantasy of his he wants to perform with you and modifying it to something you are willing to try - meet in the middle. As long as you are trying meet him halfway it will probably mean a lot to him that you are trying.

[rcoreyus]

Its also fair that if you do some new things for him, he should do some for you. Let him know what you would like in bed. This isn't in the sense of a trade "I'll do X if you do Y", but each of you trying to find new ways to make the other happy.

He may not be looking at the porn women because of their big boobs - that just happens to be all you can find in porn. Lots of men don't care or prefer small.

[Guest]

I believe he's hiding porn because "its HIS porn" some guys are VERY protective of their porn. And just because he watches porn DOESN'T mean that its what he REALLY wants. He's with YOU.

I agree with the above posters...you might want to try to spice things up a bit. I think there's an exercise video now that you can get in shape and learn to "strip" too. Its a video with Carmen Electra. I mean, do it for yourself first...and he just gets the bonus part of watching you.

[caterpillar79]

I believe he's hiding porn because "its HIS porn" some guys are VERY protective of their porn. And just because he watches porn DOESN'T mean that its what he REALLY wants. He's with YOU.

I agree with the above posters...you might want to try to spice things up a bit. I think there's an exercise video now that you can get in shape and learn to "strip" too. Its a video with Carmen Electra. I mean, do it for yourself first...and he just gets the bonus part of watching you.

yep, way to go, pix!

Try to spice things up (though you've said you've tried everything) - that is YOUR opinion. He might say otherwise. It doesn't mean you're not good enough. We all have our personal preferences, and specifications of what we want or what not. It's like how men want their steaks done: rare, medium rare, medium, medium - done or well-done!

The bottomline is open - communication. Meet halfway, talk about it. But don't violate yourself and pretend you're enjoying it, but not really. Your self-respect and sel-esteem is at stake, make a move in such a way that suits you both.

[bribri]

I am a 25 year old recently married woman who is extremely adventurous sexually. I am ready to try just about anything...just about.. In the past year there have been two instances during which i feel that i was quite obviously my husband's second choice. I do not ever turn him down, as honestly my sex drive is more voracious. But he has turned me down and then immediately afterward I have walked in on him masturbating to big . Another time he asked me to leave the house so he could masturbate, and then when I came home, feeling like , I saw that he had left the pictures he was masturbating to up on the computer eventhough it was closed (i.e.the laptop was simply shut)...the worst part...the pictures were of a mutual friend. I have tried repeatedly to move past this issue. But to no avail. I am feeling betrayed and like all he gets off to is big , which I most certainly do not have. I feel embarassed when we are at the store and i see some girl there with big . I feel inadequate in a terrible way...It is just getting worse and worse to the point that I am now unable to leave the house because I am afraid he's just waiting to get to the porn and the . I am literally falling down a black hole and I need some help. I do not want to be second choice. I don't think I can do this anymore. Something has to change. I am ready to try counseling, I am ready to try anything. Any words of advice here? I truly have no one to talk to as all of my friends are our friends.

[bribri]

ok..everytime the word seems to be missing...insert "boobs" ...i didn't realize I had chosen a non cool word for that. my apologies

[rcoreyus]

Bribri: I'm really sorry about how he is treating you. I don't think porn is a problem when someone watches it with their partner, or when their partner is not available, but I think it IS a problem when they watch it instead of being intimate with their partner.

Until I started reading this forum it had never occurred to me that someone might prefer porn to their partner. (and I'm a guy).

I don't know whether to call it an addiction, or just bad behavior, but it is a terrible thing for him to do.