[Joy]

ES Girl,

I know you are not blaming him for your eating disorder nor are you blaming him for the triggers. I know youare super smart and know this is somthing you have to get a handle on. Its a serious condition and effects your health on so many levels.

Have you tried behavior therapy? Someone can help you look at the behavior of the act and the triggers and help you with this anxiety helping you find healthy outlets instead of self destructive.

You may not feel as perfect as the Porn Stars and Pin ups but you are beautiful and have to get help with a negative body image. those girls are prepped and airbrushed and made to look perfect..... in reality they look just like you and I.

The only way to be thin is to exercise and take care of your body they healthy way its the only way to maintain weight over a life time.

don't be so hard on yourself

[Guest]

Porn IS a big deal.

Just because it has become a way of life recently doesn't mean that it isn't harmful.

For men, it can de sensitive their minds and cause them to need more and more mental stimulation in order to perform sexually. It also can cause them to masturbate more frequently which in turn will indeed affect your sex life.

The last relationship I was in, i started engaging in porn more than I did engage in sexual relations with my ex. It made me get bored of her.

I quit looking at porn when i got in my current relationship and I'm glad i did.

Don't take this lightly.

[Neaky]

My guy watches porn and we have as much sex today as we've had since being together AND he's watched it since he was 15. I don't think it's all guys who watch porn.. Just the ones letting it control their life.

[Juda2oo9]

Just wanted to put my two cents in lol........I wont repeat much of what has been said on this thread for the simple fact... its already been written.......
so do take into consideration the lovely things that these women have put on this thread and also......which is something that's coming from personal experience....... until it effects YOUR sex life with him, or him not paying attention to you....you're on a safe base...... once he's starts focusing on porn MORE or gets out of hand..... thats when you need to put your foot down and say "get right or get out"........

[VERUCAxSALT]

a couple people mentioned that pictures were more hurtful than the videos. i totally agree. but then you all went on to say that these pictures shouldn't get to us because they're pictures of models wearing makeup & who've been airbrushed & whatnot. what about when your boyfriend/husband is looking at pictures of "real" girls on facebook or myspace who are half-naked & have bodies you'll never have?!

[Juda2oo9]

myspace and facebook are evil lol.....but we cant stop them from looking at the girl down the street, or the half naked across the country........ but you can talk to him about it. and let him know it hurts you and makes you feel unconfortable...... and if he doesnt respond by tending to your needs and stoping then i guess you know what an you're really with and then you can consider getting your head right and kicking his out. for the simple fact it proves he doesnt care about your feeelings.

[Hopeless Dork]

a couple people mentioned that pictures were more hurtful than the videos. i totally agree. but then you all went on to say that these pictures shouldn't get to us because they're pictures of models wearing makeup & who've been airbrushed & whatnot. what about when your boyfriend/husband is looking at pictures of "real" girls on facebook or myspace who are half-naked & have bodies you'll never have?!

If they are looking at them for self-pleasure purposes, whoa.. I have no idea how I'd react to my guy using facebook for porno, lol. If they are trying to meet these girls? Thats cheating. If you are committed and they are trying to meet girls on social networking sites , you need to either decide if you want an open relationship or to walk on out of there.

But, wow... I had never even considered the kind of blow it would be to have your guy diddling himself to jenny on the other side of town and what not. I'd be pretty hurt and personally, might have to walk on that one if he couldn't rationalize it to me in a way that made me think he was interested in being with other women.

[blondie80]

Ok my turn to put an opinion in here lol, I think your boyfriend at the end of the day needs to know maybe the difference between porn and having a real woman as well, porn is great for guys because in porn women dont take work, they just get what they are given and are happy with it, real women take work, they need to be heated up to be turned on and they need to feel loved and special. He needs to realise there is a difference between the two.
Ohthereyouare has a valid point and so does chandlers wish, just because it is acceptable doesnt mean it isnt harmful to a degree, not saying all men are like this but in reading reports all research done has proved that to some men this can be a big problem, it turns on a different part of the brain and has the ability to take away their imagination. In saying this it doesn't mean all men are the same.
If it hurts your feelings he needs to understand why and if you really want to know what he is getting out of watching it and you guys are in a caring loving relationship then you should be able to talk about it, if he wants sex alot more than you and he wants a release then porn to a guy is easy and quick, its when it affects the other parts of your relationship that maybe you need to sit down and talk about it otherwise I think you probably wont deal with it and stressing about it is obviously triggering off other parts like your eating disorder.

[Guest]

I think its not the porn that is more of an issue its your eating disorder. There's a reason for why people do it. I did it for control. I wanted to control my life when I was living at home. I had nothing.

My question to the OP is that why porn? Why of all things did it trigger your eating disorder again? I mean I don't mean to be devil's advocate but WHY didn't your eating disorder trigger say.. a pretty girl walking by or models you see on the victoria's secret catalog? Either way, models and actresses (also ones in porn or maximum) are not attainable by the "common" guy. They aren't real. YOU are. Guys as tough as they make themselves seem to be are just as insecure and probably paranoid about women as women are to men. Most guys who watch porn feel wanted. They feel attractive. Because if you notice porn is shot (90%) in first person point of view.

You are right about him lying to you. That wasn't right. But ask ANY guy that question flat out ... they will say no. Who wants to be negatively labeled? The REAL problem here (IMO) is your eating disorder. You have to stop honey. Anorexia may mess with your head but Bulemia messes up your insides and teeth. Trust me... I was bulemic from 18-24 and now... I have to take pills twice a day so I can control my stomach acid. Because if I don't do that the acid eats away at my esophagus and eventually won't have one.

You need to take care of yourself. Boyfriend or not. If a guy is making you do this that should be a red flag. A boyfriend is supportive and caring. And if he cares about you and KNOWS that you have a weight problem he won't fuel that thought.

[Joy]

But, wow... I had never even considered the kind of blow it would be to have your guy diddling himself to jenny on the other side of town and what not. I'd be pretty hurt and personally, might have to walk on that one if he couldn't rationalize it to me in a way that made me think he was interested in being with other women.

Why be hurt if you caught your bf doing that? He cheated himself out of YOU! People who cheat cheat... its not you. I know your bf isn't cheating you were making an example. You can't stop people who cheat they are who they are. They are so insecure on the inside they need many to validate themselves. They need that constant constant "I"M WANTED" They are really just empty people inside. I know people write about being cheated on all the time and so hurt by their S/O but really Its happened to me it sucks but I know its not about me.

If I caught my bf "wankin it to Jenny on the other side of town" I'd realize I was dating and Idiot that is empty and didn't know what a commitment or what loving someone was all about. I'd be gratful cut my losses and never look back. That I deserved so much better...... especially if they expected a commitment out of me....... but not of themselves... whatever lol.