[baja]

Kristy, thank you for sharing the additional information. After reading it, my take-away is that he is feeling like he's failing at his career. This could explain why the more he stresses about work, the more energy he pours into it, the less time he spends with you, the more he stresses and so on. His personality magnifies this behavior -- because he is a perfectionist and quite possibly obsessive.

From a guy's perspective, the woman in his life is hugely important, but his career defines who he is to the core. I've seen career problems wreak complete havoc on guys.

Now, none of this excuses how he is treating you, but his comment about leaving a power of attorney shows he is in the final stages of collapse. It is hard for some guys to accept what appears to be failure, but it is the only way to learn from it and ultimately get past it. Remember he's ex-military... making failure even that much more painful.

As you know, he must talk, open up and get all of it off his chest, but if he's not the type to do this, then it will be very hard if not nearly impossible for you both to return to a healthy relationship. Thoughts?

[CHANDLERS WISH]

So how has the love making made things after your hysterectomy?

Your saying it's work but could it be that your sex drive has died some what?

And, your blaming it on his work and his regiment in business?


20 years is along time and off course depression breaks realations when stress is involved.

Do either of you have a "life" outside of work?

Do you make an effort to have dates?

Do you both have hobbies or is it all work?

Do you both catch up with friends regarless?

Or are you living in the world that Government creates, work, work, work?

CW

Or is his thoughts on the subject are, women don't want sex yet after that situation?

Seems he was doing porn before you sweet, always had a sexual drive.

If the sexual drive ceased before the hysterectomy then you have to take yourself back to there, you state it was lost " along time ago"...

You state, "years" how long sweet?

[Joy]

have you guys gone to therapy together? If he won't go then maybe you should just go. Can you guys sit down and remember how and why you fell in love and why you took the next step of commitment and got married?

The failure thing does sound legit.... Failing at his marriage, failing at his career.

[Kristy]

Hi All, We are in the midst of the talking stage. Which is very rare. He is having a hard time opening up, But has started a little bit. I will keep you posted on the progress. So far not too bad.

Kristy