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Husband caught on pron sites and dating sites please HELPPPP

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  • Husband caught on pron sites and dating sites please HELPPPP

    Hi there im new at this, i have never been on a forum site to discuss any of my personal life, but at this time i really need some advice and talk to people about it, i recently caught my husband looking at porn on the net, how i cam to that was one night he was awake till 4am on the comp, but for some reason the next morning i felt i wanted to see what he was looking at on the computer at that time??? something told me to because he has been up many times before and i never checked up on him until now..it was like i had a feeling, so i went into the history and saw he had been looking at pictures and porn i was shocked and very upset i further looked in to the history and saw 5 days prior to porn he searching alot of different dating sites...im now very confused as to what he his looking for, we have a great sex life even better then ever i have been with hime for 21yrs, i confronted him and first he denyed it until i said i can show him what he was looking at the dating sites he sd no idea, so a few days go by i told him i was having the computer taken in to see about the dating sites if they were his that we may be over, i brought up at the same time he was on kijiji looking at personal sites as well and thats when he admitted to clicking the dating sites at the bottom as adverstiment, i ask him why he was and he said he was looking for images. what do i do, i wish i can see if he ever registerd on any of them or responded to any, i checked his only email that i know he has and can't seem to find anything there, please someone tell me what this osudns like to you.
    im very confused and have no idea what to do i now feel very awfull about myself cant seem to really look in the mirror and i cant stop thinking about all of this.

  • Take it easy. It isn't the end of the world.

    He's discovered porn. Yuck for you both. Hey - he was honest with you. That is the first step. This is fixable.

    Don't worry about the dating sites, these are from advertisements littered all over porn pages. Believe him when he said he just clicked on the advertisements to see more images, he's probably not lying.

    It's up to you as to how you want to handle this. Some people don't mind, others do. Stop and think about how him viewing images of other naked women makes you feel. If you don't like it....tell him. Ask him what he's going to do about it. Compromise.

    Whatever you do, don't back him into a corner. Don't yell, don't scream. Approach him non confrontationally. This is probably embarrassing for him. And I know this is tough - if you can do it, you're a trooper.

    I'm not a fan of what porn and what it does to the users mind. People will debate with me, but I feel that porn programs a man to want more and more mental stimulation and will ultimately break down your sex life. It becomes an addiction and can cause you to lose interest in your spouse. Some people can handle it, most can't.

    Best of luck to you both.

    Comment


    • hi there thank you so much for the up lifting advice you left me, i can somewhat handle the porn i dont like it and makes me feel awfull, but for most part we did talk about how that makes me feel he said he will never again. wha i cant get out of my mind is i dont understand why he looks at the personals add on kijiji website what would he be looking at? when i asked him he said he was just reading it for the fun of it and thats how the dating sites came in the picture is they are advertised them all at the bottom of the pages not on the porn sites, this was a different day the porn was looked at later on...why is what i dont get you dont get images on dating sites like he was looking for????? he told me he was not looking for any other women should i believe him????

      Comment


      • If you pull up some on line porn sites you will see what they have by way of popups and "dating" site ads. Usually they are provcative pics of people in your area. I laugh at them, I live in a blue collar community and believe me walking around town, shopping and such, I'm about the best looking woman you'll see and I'm over 50, a darned good 50 but still! There isn't anyone who looks like the women in the "dating" ads. It's pretty much all a sex service come on and yes the pics are anything from alluring to down right rauch.

        I'd believe him.

        Comment


        • hi thank you for your advice, it really helps out, but i still ? the fact that he was on the personal ads on kijiji site??? wich is where it led him to the dating sites from all the advertsiment at the bottom, they are not from the porn sites...why would he be trying to see images from dating sites???? i just need to ease my mind i cant imagine what he was thinking. my mind is going crazy ive been married 11 yrs and with him for 21yrs i dont think this would be worth giving it all away??? we have a family and everything else you can imagine of... please any andvice i would really appreciate it....very confused!!!!

          Comment


          • I would have to say that you really need to sit down and talk with me. Tell him how you feel and how it hurt you? What was his resoning on his bahaviour? You got to ask the questions and he answer with honesty. Was it just a thrill to see where it would lead. Was he just curious???? Ask him. Tell him and explain to him how your relationship is depending on his honesty.

            Comment


            • I read personals all the time for entertainment purposes. I am in love with my guy and wouldn't dream of dating someone else much less off an internet dating site... but I'll admit to being drawn to reading some of the dating personals, sometimes they make me feel hopeful for people, sometimes they make me giggle, sometimes they make me so very greatful for what I have.. but never never do I look at them seeking a mate..never.

              He may be looking out of sheer curiousity or like OTYA says, it could have easily been a mis click in the search of more porno pics. Some of the dating banners on other forum sites I have visited have very porno graphic images in the banner to lead to the dating site - its an attention grabber tactic for sure.
              Scars remind us of where we've been...they don't have to dictate where we're going.

              Comment


              • There is a good chance he was just looking at personals for amusement. (some are really funny). Also, as others have mentioned porn sites will often have pop-ups to connect to those sites.

                If he was watching porn, there is a good chance he will look at it again. If you make him promise not to, he may wind up lying about it - can lead to a real downward spiral.

                Would you be OK watching porn with him? Might make a reasonable compromise

                Comment


                • The big question here is - is he still fulfilling your needs?

                  When I tripped out on my bf's porn usage it was mainly because if he did it before I came over he didn't desire me as much and when I wasn't getting attention and knew porn was getting his I was upset.

                  If he is still giving u all the sex and attention u need - maybe he just want to explore something naughty by watching porn - explore it with him.
                  Scars remind us of where we've been...they don't have to dictate where we're going.

                  Comment


                  • Originally posted by OhThereYouAre View Post
                    Take it easy. It isn't the end of the world.
                    It is if you dont want you DH looking at porn id go mental with my DH if i caught him looking at porn as we have a VERY good sex life so i dont see he has the need to look at it.

                    Comment


                    • Originally posted by Mrs Doodles View Post
                      It is if you dont want you DH looking at porn id go mental with my DH if i caught him looking at porn as we have a VERY good sex life so i dont see he has the need to look at it.
                      Guess it just depends on your beliefs and whatnot.

                      But in the grand scheme of things, after 21 years of a relationship, I don't think looking at some naked fantasy women a deal breaker.

                      I'd consider something like cheating the end of the world.

                      Comment


                      • I really feel for you. I have been having this problem with my fiance for a while now. We have been together for 4 years and we have a 1 year old son together. When i found out he looked at porn i was ok with it, didn't really like the idea but i knew that most men do it. One night i was feeling poorly so took a load of medicine and fell asleep. I woke up at about 4 in the morning to find my fiance in the bedroom at the comp looking at porn. As you can probably imagine this really upset me as i was in the room! I spoke to him about it and said to him that i could put up with the porn use as long as i wasn't in the house and as long as it didn't affect our sex life.
                        Since then though it has got worse. It is like an addiction for him and it is a struggle now to get him to have sex with me. After having our son i felt down about my body image anyway but now i just feel disgusting, like i am so hideous that he would rather look at some random girl on the internet rather than me.

                        I really am at my wits end. I love him so much and he says he loves me but i don't know how to get him to stop doing what he's doing.
                        I thought i was being quite reasonable when i said that he could do it whilst i was out but obviously that wasn;t good enough for him. Does anyone have any ideas to what i can do?

                        Sorry about the essay!!

                        Comment


                        • Munchkin, he is being pretty disrespectful... if you have given him the kind of leeway that allows him to look at porn in general without you fighting him on it that was a good compromise - the least he can do is keep his part of the bargain and not do it in front of you if it hurts you.

                          He needs to understand that the hurt he brings you using porn is secondary to the hurt he brings you by not caring enough about your feelings to spare them.

                          Tell him what hurts and makes you sad, ask him if its within his power to avoid making you feel hurt and sad. If it isn't... I'd really wonder how anything can move forward like that.
                          Scars remind us of where we've been...they don't have to dictate where we're going.

                          Comment


                          • OK see...this is when we as women (at least this is my opin) have to really sit back and choose our battles. If you are to hard on him over this you WILL drive him away. He is a GROWN man and even though you are married you already state you are happy and have had great relations for 21yrs. WE have women on here who's men are cheating cheating...like down dirty dog cheating and your screaming at him for possibly clicking a button/pop-up..where is the trust?
                            He loves you, he is with you...I understand it might be a shock or hurt a little but pick your battles...thats my advice. Don't worry yourself over such mini issues, talk about it, discuss how it makes you feel and maybe try new things but don't scream at him like he is your child vs your partner and husband
                            [FONT="Book Antiqua"]Everything I'm not makes me Everything I am[/FONT];)

                            Comment


                            • Ahyrin, your right. I look at the things that bring me so much cause for getting upset and they are nothing compared to how bad they could be. Picking battles is wise. Of course it would hurt me more if my guy cheated than if he looked at porn instead of having sex with me. But if he is not having sex with me because he is too tired from 'enjoying' his porn too much that is cheating me out of the pleasure he can provide.

                              But yeah, Porn is the lesser evil. When I read things like your post I am reminded of how small my troubles are compared to the troubles of a lot of other women. But when you are in the heat of the moment you don't see the big picture or what they could be doing that is worse, you just see what hurts you and focus on it.

                              Maybe we are all just fooling ourselves into thinking monogomy is even possible. Physical monogomy - very possible - mental monogomy.. eh not so possible.
                              Scars remind us of where we've been...they don't have to dictate where we're going.

                              Comment

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