What is wrong with me that I can't see what a jerk he is? Support please?
OK, so I have read some of the posts on here and they really hit home. Like I said above, my husband left three months ago. He told me he would be back in one hour and that one hour has turned into three months. 
I haven't seen or spoken to him in almost two months. I'll try to be brief with my story but want some advice and support so I kind of gotta tell it all.
I met my husband in May of 2008. He had just gotten out of the Airforce and came home for a welcome home party. His mother happened to live in the same condo complex as me. I talked to him at the party. I was 37 at the time. We started talking and hanging out all the time. He was 20 at the time. I know, I know...crazy! I said the same thing. I told him he was too young for me, he proclaimed that age didn't matter and after spending so much time with him, I fell in love. He confessed his love for me as well. He asked me to marry him in July. I didn't take him seriously really, it was just a joke, it had to be. We continued to spend every waking moment together and talked or texted during the day while I was at work. One day, I had his phone for some reason and I noticed that he had texted another girl telling her something of a sexual manner. I was crushed. I told myself how stupid I was for thinking that this "thing" we were doing would ever work. He was too young for me and obviously not as into me as I thought. He apologized, cried and professed how much he loved me and that he didn't know why he did it but he would never do it again. I eventually forgave him and trusted him again.
He had not worked since getting home from the Airforce. He found a job and started in August. Everything between us was great. We had even officially become engaged. Towards the end of August I found out I was pregnant. I told him and you can imagine his shock. You see, he had told me that he couldn't have children. Guess whoever told him that was wrong. He wanted me to have an abortion. I really didn't want to. I noticed that a girl that he worked with began texting and calling him a lot. He said she was just stupid and always had questions about the system. I was suspicious but this was my fiancee so I dismissed it. I ended up having a miscarriage 5 weeks into the pregnancy. The day of my DNC, he told me that he had to go back to the city he was based in to go to Court and would need to leave in two days. I understood. He had been kicked out of the Airforce for getting a DWI. He left on a Sunday and I spoke to him very briefly that day and the following Monday. I had expected him back Monday evening but he called and said he had to stay one more day to go file something with the Court. When he got home Tuesday night, we were so excited to see each other and he said he never wanted to be gone from me that long again. We had a silly kind of love. Some would say sickening. It was awesome!
Anyway, you know the girl from work I mentioned above? Well seems my suspicions were right all along. I came to find out that he had been carrying on an affair with her for over 1 1/2 months. I saw a text he sent her. He claimed to have meant to send it to me. I didn't believe that one for a second. He finally admitted that he had been talking to her but he had only hugged her, nothing more. He said that he told her about me and told her he loved me and that we were getting married. I was crushed again. After that she continued to text him and I thought that was very rude so I decided to call her and ask her to please stop. Well guess what??? She had no idea who I was. She didn't know he had a fiancee. She knew nothing. She said had she known, she would have never messed around with him. I was in shock. I said to her "all you did was hug right?" She said she was sorry but they had slept together and she just wanted to be honest with me. She said "you know he came home early from Abilene, right". I didn't know that and told her so. She said that that Monday he had come home and came over to her apartment and that is the first time they had sex. Then again about a week later. She said I could call her anytime if I wanted to know anything and that she would stop speaking to him. And she did. As for him, he begged and pleaded with me. He said he was just confused about me being pregnant and wanted to get his mind off of it. He said he knew she was easy.
So what do I do? Stupid me, I forgave him. Didn't tell him I needed time to think or anything. I cried a lot. He promised to never cheat on me again. He was going to do whatever it took to prove that to me. It was difficult because he continued to work with the girl but she finally quit and all was well. I had a hard time not bringing it up from time to time. It hurt so bad. I guess I never really got over it. I think me having the miscarriage and him lying to me about being out of town three days later but really being with her just stuck in my mind. I knew he was a liar but I loved him. I loved him so much.
Over the next few months, he was perfect. We were perfect. We had a few arguments when I would bring up the affair. I know, I know, if I forgave him, I shouldn't have brought it up. We go through Christmas and New Years and we just so enjoyed life together. We were always in contact. Shortly after the new year, his Pop passed away. It was a very difficult time for both of us. However, the day after his Pop passed, I noticed on our cell phone bill that he was talking to a number that I had never seen before. I asked him about it and he claimed it was his friend Tom. I knew that it wasn't Tom and told him so. He called me later in the day and said he had left our condo with all of his things. That he didn't deserve to be treated like this, to be questioned. I was beside myself. I didn't understand where this was coming from. He ended up coming home and gave me some off the wall excuse as to who the girl was he had been speaking to. I asked him why he lied and he said she was just easy to talk to but he would stop talking to her. She called and he tried to feed her what he had told me since I was sitting right there. I took the phone and talked to her for a minute before she hung up on me. Come to find out, it was a girl that had been in his store and he was just curious if he "still could" pick up a girl. He even admitted that it may have led to a physical relationship.
Again, what do I do? I forgive him. THEN I did the most idiotic thing ever. I married him 2 weeks later. I know!!!!!! KICK ME!!! But I love him. He and I were great together. It was like that fairy tale romance. We were inseparable. He called me his amazing wife and he was my sweet husband. We were going to last forever. God I love him. We always told that to one another. Anyway, you get the point. We didn't have any issues. It was a great marriage.
Then back in September, we were hanging out with my brother and cousin. However, that whole day, his affair had been on my mind. I'm telling you it is hard to let something like that go. My husband said something and for whatever reason, I blurted out to my cousin and brother that he had cheated on me. Albeit a year ago, he had done it. I felt horrible. I still feel horrible. My husband ended up leaving and staying gone all night. I found him the next day at his mothers house. He didn't want to talk to me. I apologized and told him I felt so bad and that I told my brother and cousin that I shouldn't have said anything since it was a year ago and I chose to forgive him. He just said to go home and he would be home later.
He finally came home and told me he was going to a get together at some of our friends house but I was not invited as his mother and her live in didn't want me there. I told him it wasn't even their house so how could they say I wasn't invited? He said they just said they didn't want you there so I'm going to go but I will be back in one hour. I said fine although I was very hurt. I was sitting on the patio of our condo and he walked out the door, kissed me on the top of my head from behind and walked back in. I noticed about 5 minutes later that he had actually left for the party. I called and again he said he would be back in one hour....
I didn't know where he was that night. His phone was off and I didn't actually speak to him until later the next day when he told me that he was going to his Dad's and that he wasn't coming home. He was very rude, very cold and very cruel to me. He hung up on me and wouldn't take my calls. The next day I talked to him and he told me it was over that he didn't want to do "this" anymore. That he just couldn't. That there was nothing I could say or do to change his mind.
I was floored. I have been for the past three months. He has treated me as if I am the most horrible person in the world. He has said mean things to me when I call him. I'll admit for the first month I did not act very good. I begged, I pleaded, I cried, I texted all the time. He would rarely respond and if he did, it was rude. He said he wanted to stay friends but then he wouldn't take my calls. I told him if he wanted the divorce then he would need to hire an attorney. His response was "well I do know this paralegal". I was like WHAT? You see that's my occupation. I told him I would not do the paperwork.
He told me he would not cheat on me until our divorce. He promised promised.
He started talking to girls within a month of leaving. I found out and drafted our petition for divorce. I went to him, gave him the petition and told him to file it on Monday and that he was a liar.
That was two months ago. He still has not filed the petition. We stopped all communication over a month ago. I just cannot understand how he can just move on with his life without any consideration for our vows. He has been inviting girls over to get in the hot tub at his dad's where he is living. He has been posting this on FB. I finally deleted him as a friend so I wouldn't have to see it. He is pursuing a girl from the Ukraine right now. He's asked her to come to the hot tub, told her he was really hoping to see her. It makes me sick.
Everyone that knows us is in shock. They all say that we were so in love, like we had just met. Nobody understands who my husband has become. He is not the person I fell in love with anymore. That person is dead. I just miss us so much. Like I said, we had an amazing love. I have never felt this way about anyone and he says the same. He told me everyday that I was the best thing that ever happened to him. I know he is young. I know that I was stupid for ever thinking it would work. But the age difference never came into play until he left. He has been partying with all of his friends. Heck on Halloween which marked 9 months of being married, he wore a free mammogram costume to a Halloween party. I just can't believe who he is now. How can people change so much? How can he do this to me?
We spoke everyday several times a day for 16 months. Now we don't even talk. He's still my husband, I am still his wife. I still love him very very much.
I don't understand why he won't file the divorce. I can't even get him to give his consent for me to split my auto insurance into my own policy. The insurance company has called him, I have emailed and texted him but he just won't do it. I guess if he ignores everything having to do with me, then in his mind I do not exist.
I have good days or as good as they can be but the bad days are really bad. It's been three months and it's only a little better. I just don't know if I will ever be OK. I feel like I will never have the love I had with him with anyone else. Nor do I want anyone else for that matter.
I can't even talk to my husband. My husband. He was my best friend and now he acts as if he hates me. What is wrong with me? Someone should give me a swift kick! I won't call him. I can't. He wouldn't respond anyway.
Is this nightmare ever going to end? I still want him to come home even though I know he's not and even if he wanted to, I shouldn't let him.
I guess I'm just pathetic.
I haven't seen or spoken to him in almost two months. I'll try to be brief with my story but want some advice and support so I kind of gotta tell it all.I met my husband in May of 2008. He had just gotten out of the Airforce and came home for a welcome home party. His mother happened to live in the same condo complex as me. I talked to him at the party. I was 37 at the time. We started talking and hanging out all the time. He was 20 at the time. I know, I know...crazy! I said the same thing. I told him he was too young for me, he proclaimed that age didn't matter and after spending so much time with him, I fell in love. He confessed his love for me as well. He asked me to marry him in July. I didn't take him seriously really, it was just a joke, it had to be. We continued to spend every waking moment together and talked or texted during the day while I was at work. One day, I had his phone for some reason and I noticed that he had texted another girl telling her something of a sexual manner. I was crushed. I told myself how stupid I was for thinking that this "thing" we were doing would ever work. He was too young for me and obviously not as into me as I thought. He apologized, cried and professed how much he loved me and that he didn't know why he did it but he would never do it again. I eventually forgave him and trusted him again.
He had not worked since getting home from the Airforce. He found a job and started in August. Everything between us was great. We had even officially become engaged. Towards the end of August I found out I was pregnant. I told him and you can imagine his shock. You see, he had told me that he couldn't have children. Guess whoever told him that was wrong. He wanted me to have an abortion. I really didn't want to. I noticed that a girl that he worked with began texting and calling him a lot. He said she was just stupid and always had questions about the system. I was suspicious but this was my fiancee so I dismissed it. I ended up having a miscarriage 5 weeks into the pregnancy. The day of my DNC, he told me that he had to go back to the city he was based in to go to Court and would need to leave in two days. I understood. He had been kicked out of the Airforce for getting a DWI. He left on a Sunday and I spoke to him very briefly that day and the following Monday. I had expected him back Monday evening but he called and said he had to stay one more day to go file something with the Court. When he got home Tuesday night, we were so excited to see each other and he said he never wanted to be gone from me that long again. We had a silly kind of love. Some would say sickening. It was awesome!
Anyway, you know the girl from work I mentioned above? Well seems my suspicions were right all along. I came to find out that he had been carrying on an affair with her for over 1 1/2 months. I saw a text he sent her. He claimed to have meant to send it to me. I didn't believe that one for a second. He finally admitted that he had been talking to her but he had only hugged her, nothing more. He said that he told her about me and told her he loved me and that we were getting married. I was crushed again. After that she continued to text him and I thought that was very rude so I decided to call her and ask her to please stop. Well guess what??? She had no idea who I was. She didn't know he had a fiancee. She knew nothing. She said had she known, she would have never messed around with him. I was in shock. I said to her "all you did was hug right?" She said she was sorry but they had slept together and she just wanted to be honest with me. She said "you know he came home early from Abilene, right". I didn't know that and told her so. She said that that Monday he had come home and came over to her apartment and that is the first time they had sex. Then again about a week later. She said I could call her anytime if I wanted to know anything and that she would stop speaking to him. And she did. As for him, he begged and pleaded with me. He said he was just confused about me being pregnant and wanted to get his mind off of it. He said he knew she was easy.
So what do I do? Stupid me, I forgave him. Didn't tell him I needed time to think or anything. I cried a lot. He promised to never cheat on me again. He was going to do whatever it took to prove that to me. It was difficult because he continued to work with the girl but she finally quit and all was well. I had a hard time not bringing it up from time to time. It hurt so bad. I guess I never really got over it. I think me having the miscarriage and him lying to me about being out of town three days later but really being with her just stuck in my mind. I knew he was a liar but I loved him. I loved him so much.
Over the next few months, he was perfect. We were perfect. We had a few arguments when I would bring up the affair. I know, I know, if I forgave him, I shouldn't have brought it up. We go through Christmas and New Years and we just so enjoyed life together. We were always in contact. Shortly after the new year, his Pop passed away. It was a very difficult time for both of us. However, the day after his Pop passed, I noticed on our cell phone bill that he was talking to a number that I had never seen before. I asked him about it and he claimed it was his friend Tom. I knew that it wasn't Tom and told him so. He called me later in the day and said he had left our condo with all of his things. That he didn't deserve to be treated like this, to be questioned. I was beside myself. I didn't understand where this was coming from. He ended up coming home and gave me some off the wall excuse as to who the girl was he had been speaking to. I asked him why he lied and he said she was just easy to talk to but he would stop talking to her. She called and he tried to feed her what he had told me since I was sitting right there. I took the phone and talked to her for a minute before she hung up on me. Come to find out, it was a girl that had been in his store and he was just curious if he "still could" pick up a girl. He even admitted that it may have led to a physical relationship.
Again, what do I do? I forgive him. THEN I did the most idiotic thing ever. I married him 2 weeks later. I know!!!!!! KICK ME!!! But I love him. He and I were great together. It was like that fairy tale romance. We were inseparable. He called me his amazing wife and he was my sweet husband. We were going to last forever. God I love him. We always told that to one another. Anyway, you get the point. We didn't have any issues. It was a great marriage.
Then back in September, we were hanging out with my brother and cousin. However, that whole day, his affair had been on my mind. I'm telling you it is hard to let something like that go. My husband said something and for whatever reason, I blurted out to my cousin and brother that he had cheated on me. Albeit a year ago, he had done it. I felt horrible. I still feel horrible. My husband ended up leaving and staying gone all night. I found him the next day at his mothers house. He didn't want to talk to me. I apologized and told him I felt so bad and that I told my brother and cousin that I shouldn't have said anything since it was a year ago and I chose to forgive him. He just said to go home and he would be home later.
He finally came home and told me he was going to a get together at some of our friends house but I was not invited as his mother and her live in didn't want me there. I told him it wasn't even their house so how could they say I wasn't invited? He said they just said they didn't want you there so I'm going to go but I will be back in one hour. I said fine although I was very hurt. I was sitting on the patio of our condo and he walked out the door, kissed me on the top of my head from behind and walked back in. I noticed about 5 minutes later that he had actually left for the party. I called and again he said he would be back in one hour....
I didn't know where he was that night. His phone was off and I didn't actually speak to him until later the next day when he told me that he was going to his Dad's and that he wasn't coming home. He was very rude, very cold and very cruel to me. He hung up on me and wouldn't take my calls. The next day I talked to him and he told me it was over that he didn't want to do "this" anymore. That he just couldn't. That there was nothing I could say or do to change his mind.
I was floored. I have been for the past three months. He has treated me as if I am the most horrible person in the world. He has said mean things to me when I call him. I'll admit for the first month I did not act very good. I begged, I pleaded, I cried, I texted all the time. He would rarely respond and if he did, it was rude. He said he wanted to stay friends but then he wouldn't take my calls. I told him if he wanted the divorce then he would need to hire an attorney. His response was "well I do know this paralegal". I was like WHAT? You see that's my occupation. I told him I would not do the paperwork.
He told me he would not cheat on me until our divorce. He promised promised.
He started talking to girls within a month of leaving. I found out and drafted our petition for divorce. I went to him, gave him the petition and told him to file it on Monday and that he was a liar.
That was two months ago. He still has not filed the petition. We stopped all communication over a month ago. I just cannot understand how he can just move on with his life without any consideration for our vows. He has been inviting girls over to get in the hot tub at his dad's where he is living. He has been posting this on FB. I finally deleted him as a friend so I wouldn't have to see it. He is pursuing a girl from the Ukraine right now. He's asked her to come to the hot tub, told her he was really hoping to see her. It makes me sick.
Everyone that knows us is in shock. They all say that we were so in love, like we had just met. Nobody understands who my husband has become. He is not the person I fell in love with anymore. That person is dead. I just miss us so much. Like I said, we had an amazing love. I have never felt this way about anyone and he says the same. He told me everyday that I was the best thing that ever happened to him. I know he is young. I know that I was stupid for ever thinking it would work. But the age difference never came into play until he left. He has been partying with all of his friends. Heck on Halloween which marked 9 months of being married, he wore a free mammogram costume to a Halloween party. I just can't believe who he is now. How can people change so much? How can he do this to me?
We spoke everyday several times a day for 16 months. Now we don't even talk. He's still my husband, I am still his wife. I still love him very very much.
I don't understand why he won't file the divorce. I can't even get him to give his consent for me to split my auto insurance into my own policy. The insurance company has called him, I have emailed and texted him but he just won't do it. I guess if he ignores everything having to do with me, then in his mind I do not exist.
I have good days or as good as they can be but the bad days are really bad. It's been three months and it's only a little better. I just don't know if I will ever be OK. I feel like I will never have the love I had with him with anyone else. Nor do I want anyone else for that matter.
I can't even talk to my husband. My husband. He was my best friend and now he acts as if he hates me. What is wrong with me? Someone should give me a swift kick! I won't call him. I can't. He wouldn't respond anyway.
Is this nightmare ever going to end? I still want him to come home even though I know he's not and even if he wanted to, I shouldn't let him.
I guess I'm just pathetic.
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