[WildChild]

For you this was and is very real and was very special. He, like a child has moved from one toy to another, very heedlessly. It's hurtful behavior.
Keep breathing, have a good cry or scream, take a walk, get yourself some flowers, watch a funny movie. Over time it will get easier.

[Shurm]

Update

OK, so I thought I would give an update. Any comments or advice is very much welcomed.

Since my last post, I have really come to the realization that he never loved me. He used me. He did whatever he wanted, whenever he wanted with no regard for how his actions would effect me. I was under the illusion of it all. I do feel stupid. I do not look at what happened the same. I was in love with him. Very in love with him. It was very unhealthy. I see that now. But I do blame myself as well. I allowed him to treat me the way he did. I gave him the green light to have my heart and rip it to shreds. I basically said to him that I was worthless and didn't care about myself so he didn't have to either.

LOL!!! What a joke! I honestly cannot believe I fell for all the lies. That I stayed in such a horrible relationship.

I did not file the divorce. I was going to but then thought about it and decided that I have given him what he wants far too much. And me filing the divorce would once again be giving him exactly what he wants.

He does not want to pay the fee for the divorce, he is waiting for me to do it since he knows I am a responsible person. I have paid for things and he has paid for nothing. Well, he is going to have to pay for the divorce. I will not do it.

It's not as if we are married anyway. I know that legally we are but emotionally...physically...we are not. I do not intend to marry again but should I find myself in a position that I do intend to do so, if we are still bound by that piece of paper, I will then file.

He was the worst mistake of my life. He was not right for me. Our relationship was far from perfect. I see it all so clearly now. How in the world did I allow myself to be hurt by another?

Anyway, just wanted to let you guys know where I am now. I am not hurting over him anymore. I just feel foolish at this point. I do not care what he is doing. I never wish to see his face again nor hear his voice. I can honestly say that if he called today and asked to come home, I wouldn't even answer the phone. If I saw him, I would turn and walk away!

I want to thank each of you that responded to my initial posts. You all helped me get to this point. I feel blessed to have found this forum. You guys are the best!!!

Regards,
Shurm!

[WildChild]

Forget about what he wants. What do you want? To be legally tied to him? For how long? This has the potential to mess you up far more than it could him. He could destroy your finances, and ruin your credit. Why take the risk?!
File.
Get it over with.

[GlitterAndStuds]

I completely agree with WC. I absolutely see you point about wanting him to pay for it, because he should... He IS the one who wanted to go seperate ways initially, while you didn't. But the sooner you get it done, the better, and the easier it will be to move on. Who knows how long it will take him to do it? From the sounds of him, he'll most likely drag his heels the whole time.

You'll be doing yourself a huge favor. He'll pay for it in Karma.

And I just saw your pictures... How GORGEOUS are you! Pft. You don't need to worry about this guy.

[Guest]

OK, so I thought I would give an update. Any comments or advice is very much welcomed.
...
I did not file the divorce. I was going to but then thought about it and decided that I have given him what he wants far too much. And me filing the divorce would once again be giving him exactly what he wants.
...
He does not want to pay the fee for the divorce, he is waiting for me to do it since he knows I am a responsible person. I have paid for things and he has paid for nothing. Well, he is going to have to pay for the divorce. I will not do it.

Regards,
Shurm!

personally I think you are making a mistake if you do not file. if you wait, it could hamper or even stop any plans you have to get married to someone else. also, until you are divorced, he has a legal right to claim 50% of anything you have, and can end up effecting your credit.

i know you dont want to give in, or give up, or anything. but either make the break or dont. the longer you hold on the harder it will be to cut ties and get free.

[somiserable]

I understand your hurt, I have been there, however, one thing that jumps out at me in your story is you apologising for telling your family he cheated, and him walking out!! Anyone who has a supportive family would tell them, I know I told mine, it would seem that he just used that as an excuse to leave. Dont ever feel bad, lean on your family and friends for support, get counselling because you sound heartbroken, but honey it will heal, I agree with the other posts, hes a jerk but a young man also who needs to grow up some yet, you are a wiser, older and more beautiful person who does not deserve all of this. The New Year is approaching, you need to grab it with both hands and live life to the full, people say things are written in the stars, but even the stars don't last forever.....start today and rebuild your life without a heartless, immature child in it....I will be rooting for you

[Shurm]

Just when you think you've got it under control

OK!!! Why is it that one day you can be angry, think your ex is the worst thing that ever happened to you and the next day...BAM..he's back in your mind again.

I'm unsure whether he is on my mind so much because his birthday is Friday or what. I keep thinking about last year this time we were together and seemingly happy. And this year, it has now been almost four months since he walked out the door and hasn't looked back once. Not once!

I know you all think I should file the divorce, that he is never going to. I appreciate your concern. Luckily, we do not have any joint accounts or credit so I am not worried about him ruining me financially. I won't wait forever but I am going to wait a little longer to see if he will file. I heard through the grapevine that supposedly he sold an old truck he was given in order to get the money to file the divorce. I don't believe that was the real reason being that he hasn't paid his car payment in almost three months. But, we will see.

I have suck mixed feelings going on right now. It's hard on me right now. I think I just still can't wrap my head around the fact that I haven't seen or spoken to him in almost two months. I thought he would have at least texted Merry Christmas or something. The longer it goes, the more I believe that he never loved me. And that is very hurtful. I loved him so much. Gave so much. I know I'll never know the answer to why even though all signs point to the fact that he just doesn't care. He doesn't love and I don't mean anything to him. That really hurts.

I've let it go...any hope of his return. I've let it go because I truly could never be with him after how he has treated me. I've never in my life met someone that could just go from seemingly being so in love one day to just not caring the next day. I mean, I'm still friends with my ex husband and we divorced years ago. He even called me last night to tell me to be careful on my way home from work since it was snowing. I hung up and said to myself.."Wow, my ex calls to tell me to be safe driving and my current husband hasn't cared about anything I do for almost 4 months...WOW" I guess that should tell me something. My ex really did love me and always will as I do him. But we know we are not good together. If my husband really ever loved me, he wouldn't be treating me this way. Well, I say treating me but really he's not intentionally doing anything. He has just put me out of his mind.

Wow!! I could say that a million times a day and it wouldn't be enough.

I hate that his birthday is on New Years Day! Because no matter what at midnight on New Years Eve, it is inevitable that he is going to creep into my mind. I'm fearful that he will each year. What is wrong with me???

[WildChild]

Depending on the laws where you live, you could be liable for his debts even though you didn't share bank accounts or have your credit mingled.

You are still mentally and emotionally separating yourself from him. It takes time. Be loving and gentle with yourself