Fiance is messing with my head!
Hi! I'm pretty new to this forum and have been just lurking for a while.
I have been with my Fiance for 2 1/2 years... Our 2 year anniversary was in July and he proposed to me that day. We didn't have a perfect relationship but it was definitely something special and different. We are both very stubborn and hard headed sometimes but I thought that we loved each other and wanted the same things.
We lived together and had been trying to have a baby for a year. On August 20th just a little over a month after he proposed he left his email up one morning before he went to work, well I snooped and boy I wish I wouldn't have.
There was forwards from his cell phone of naked pictures of other girls. I was beyond devasted... previously twice throughout our relationship I caught him looking at other girls profiles on Plenty of Fish, he didn't have an account but he was looking for one night encounters in our city and the city he worked in at the time which was heartbreaking enough. He said that he did it because he was bored... whatever... he broke the trust in our relationship because when I first asked him about the POF stuff he lied.
Back to the morning where I discovered the pictures, I called him at work in the morning and asked him about them... he lied repeatedly and told me that he didn't know what I was talking about. He then started getting angry at me for snooping and then started saying that he wasn't sure that he loved me anymore and I should go and stay with my mom for a week.
Well that was the final straw for me... I broke up with him on the spot and moved out within 2 days... he didn't contact me once. I was so heartbroken and devasted I immediately started seeing a pschycologist and then the Monday after I moved out I found out I was pregnant. I called him and told him, he basically said that he wanted me to keep it and he would "try" to love me again for the baby.
Well that was the period where I lost it, my doctors wanted me to go on suicide watch... I thought that I wouldn't be able to survive I was so devasted. I never thought this would happen to me. I was seriously considering having an abortion but I ended up miscarrying.
I picked myself back up and started rebuilding my life. I started dating again and was starting to be genuinely happy. On October 18th I got an extremely long winded email from him telling me that he made the biggest mistake of his life and that I was the love of his life and yada yada yada.
The messaging went back and forth for about a week, and we had our first counselling session. We have been slowly trying to rebuild our relationship but I just don't know if I can do it... I still feel so betrayed. I know that he didn't actually cheat on me, but the trust just isn't there. I care for him but I'm not sure that I actually love him anymore... there are moments where I feel like I do love him and want things to work, but sometimes I feel like it is just too hard. And I deserve better.
I feel overly paranoid now... I'm constantly checking his phone bills, email and Facebook and I hate being that person. I just don't know what to do anymore.
I have been with my Fiance for 2 1/2 years... Our 2 year anniversary was in July and he proposed to me that day. We didn't have a perfect relationship but it was definitely something special and different. We are both very stubborn and hard headed sometimes but I thought that we loved each other and wanted the same things.
We lived together and had been trying to have a baby for a year. On August 20th just a little over a month after he proposed he left his email up one morning before he went to work, well I snooped and boy I wish I wouldn't have.
There was forwards from his cell phone of naked pictures of other girls. I was beyond devasted... previously twice throughout our relationship I caught him looking at other girls profiles on Plenty of Fish, he didn't have an account but he was looking for one night encounters in our city and the city he worked in at the time which was heartbreaking enough. He said that he did it because he was bored... whatever... he broke the trust in our relationship because when I first asked him about the POF stuff he lied.
Back to the morning where I discovered the pictures, I called him at work in the morning and asked him about them... he lied repeatedly and told me that he didn't know what I was talking about. He then started getting angry at me for snooping and then started saying that he wasn't sure that he loved me anymore and I should go and stay with my mom for a week.
Well that was the final straw for me... I broke up with him on the spot and moved out within 2 days... he didn't contact me once. I was so heartbroken and devasted I immediately started seeing a pschycologist and then the Monday after I moved out I found out I was pregnant. I called him and told him, he basically said that he wanted me to keep it and he would "try" to love me again for the baby.
Well that was the period where I lost it, my doctors wanted me to go on suicide watch... I thought that I wouldn't be able to survive I was so devasted. I never thought this would happen to me. I was seriously considering having an abortion but I ended up miscarrying.
I picked myself back up and started rebuilding my life. I started dating again and was starting to be genuinely happy. On October 18th I got an extremely long winded email from him telling me that he made the biggest mistake of his life and that I was the love of his life and yada yada yada.
The messaging went back and forth for about a week, and we had our first counselling session. We have been slowly trying to rebuild our relationship but I just don't know if I can do it... I still feel so betrayed. I know that he didn't actually cheat on me, but the trust just isn't there. I care for him but I'm not sure that I actually love him anymore... there are moments where I feel like I do love him and want things to work, but sometimes I feel like it is just too hard. And I deserve better.
I feel overly paranoid now... I'm constantly checking his phone bills, email and Facebook and I hate being that person. I just don't know what to do anymore.
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