[ThexMrs]

I've put up with a ton of things that I shouldn't have just to be with someone that I loved with all of my heart.

I've put up with alcoholism. It's not pretty.

I've put up with them having a secret life that I wasn't allowed into. Never being allowed at their house or to even know where they live.

I've put up with cheating.

The list could go on and on. It was worth it to me then because of how much I loved that person but after getting out of that situation I really saw that I went through so much I didn't deserve to. I'm much better off now and even though it still hurts I have found that I am happier without them.

I'm currently in a relationship and I don't know that he is the one. He may very well not be. I thought that the alcoholic/cheater was the one but that didn't work out. I think it takes time to really know but it's different for everyone.

[newhere808]

I'm not a good one to answer this, except as to what not to do.
DON"T overlook too much.
DON"T tollerate too much.
Have and keep limits.
Don't give and give and give somemore, without getting anything in return.
DON"T think that loving them more and being more accepting will lead to them reaching some sort of realization and changing. They are what they are, if they recognize that they need to change, they will, and it won't be because you are so patient and forebearing, although it might be because you finally gave up, told them where to get off and walked out.

If you can't live with and love their shortcomings for a lifetime, then don't live with them.

Some very good points, a person should never have it in mind to change the one their with, or the one their interested in being with.

[sarahlee20]

As much as I love my fiance I think i'm slowly drifting away.

Is my relationship with my fiance getting older and "BROKEN IN" or am i slowly breaking away from the relationship? I feel like I am and I don't know what to do or what to say to him.I know his love for me hasn't changed. I feel I still love him just in a different way now? I don't know why I would or why my love would change. I am so confused and sad. How do you know if your still connected or lost connection to someone?

[Joey]

Dont act in haste. Your feelings may have changed since you got engaged with each other. A lot of people who are engaged feel differently about their other half. Its not generally a bad thing, just that there is more to think about in your relationship - like the commitment, and knowing that this may be the man you will be spending the rest of your life with.

[Hopeless Dork]

If you are in love with this man, trust him, are happy, can see yourself spending the rest of your life with him, or can't imagine not doing so... if he treats you well and you feel loved and respected by him... if you know the two of you can build a future together and in your heart its what you want then you may just be suffering from pre-cold feet, cold feet... or over-introspectiveITIS

If there are geniune issues afoot, tangible problems, feelings you can put your finger on... that is one thing and entirely different from just chasing ghost problems that you don't even know exsist but are wondering about.

[WildChild]

You are probably getting past the infatuation phase and starting to find out what you really have. Certainly you two have plenty to consider; gambling issues, trust issues, employment, inablity to support yourselves at this time. Your mother is supporting the two of you, you are hardly in a position to marry. You are putting your energy into this young man instead of building Your life to be what you want. It is a good thing for you to give this some serious consideration.

You can love without being In love.There are so many people I care about and want good things for and who's company I enjoy, but I don't think I need to marry them. From all that you have shared here it sounds like both of you have things you need to work on and you would benefit from getting out on your own and being self supporting, independent of each other.

[sarahlee20]

You can love without being In love.There are so many people I care about and want good things for and who's company I enjoy, but I don't think I need to marry them. From all that you have shared here it sounds like both of you have things you need to work on and you would benefit from getting out on your own and being self supporting, independent of each other.[/QUOTE] I think this is how i feel. I am just feeling very confused and am talking to him now. It's just killing me inside.

[sarahlee20]

If you are in love with this man, trust him, are happy, can see yourself spending the rest of your life with him, or can't imagine not doing so... if he treats you well and you feel loved and respected by him... if you know the two of you can build a future together and in your heart its what you want then you may just be suffering from pre-cold feet, cold feet... or over-introspectiveITIS

If there are geniune issues afoot, tangible problems, feelings you can put your finger on... that is one thing and entirely different from just chasing ghost problems that you don't even know exsist but are wondering about.

There are many issuse and things i worry about already.Such as gambling,daily tasks etc. It feels like still like I'm his mother rather than partner. I just love his additude toward me and how much he loves me and treats me so good. He's my best friend. I just think he's notmature and not ready for a life long commitment with me. I still have to tell him how/when to do everything. It just gets annoying sometimes. It's just we're completely different people I am noticing. Just wonder if it's enough difference to split us up.

[kygirl]

There are many issuse and things i worry about already.Such as gambling,daily tasks etc. It feels like still like I'm his mother rather than partner. I just love his additude toward me and how much he loves me and treats me so good. He's my best friend. I just think he's notmature and not ready for a life long commitment with me. I still have to tell him how/when to do everything. It just gets annoying sometimes. It's just we're completely different people I am noticing. Just wonder if it's enough difference to split us up.

Sarahlee, you are the only one that is going to be able to decide that. I know you've had a lot of stress with the gambling especially, but you're going to have to really think about what you want and whether the positives outweigh the negatives. Sometimes differences are good things, but sometimes you also have to step back and ask yourself if you're in the same place.

Good luck!

[pretzel]

There are many issuse and things i worry about already.Such as gambling,daily tasks etc. It feels like still like I'm his mother rather than partner. I just love his additude toward me and how much he loves me and treats me so good. He's my best friend. I just think he's notmature and not ready for a life long commitment with me. I still have to tell him how/when to do everything. It just gets annoying sometimes. It's just we're completely different people I am noticing. Just wonder if it's enough difference to split us up.

Differences between two people can do one of two things, bring people closer or farther apart. It's what we do with those differences that determine that.

There is a bit of a conflicting ideas in your post. You say he's not maturing. That's fine, but as long as you feel like you're his mother (sorry, you're not, he has one) you'll continue to feel he's not maturing. Maturing comes from making decisions, not having someone make them for him. He needs to do things how he sees best and if they don't work out, then he'll learn. He won't learn much by continuing to be told what to do.

There has to be a point in time where the relationship has to get out on its own. You two have to make a plan and stick to it which will allow both of you to start maturing individually and as a couple. Someone's got to take responsibility and get the ball rolling. There's nothing wrong being together in some small apartment if necessary.