[stressed]

I hear what you are all saying and I cant help but feel like a tramp given everyone's comments. Its as if you all have never done something so diverse. Please do tell me since I know I cant be the only one.....one slip of the tongue is worth all the criticism? I do really regret what I did, but its hard seeing so much contempt and well, to be honest, failure to acknowledge the same sins or experience. My whole point of posting was that I was insecure about the whole thing......and I pursposely havent talked to my girlfriends about it because I know each and everyone of them has some skeleton in their closet, but I have to say, maybe I should have talked to them with perhaps some more sympathy. I'm sorry, I dont mean to begrudge, but I cant help but feel like an outcast..........

People here get upset when the read your post not because they dislike you or have something personal against you in any way, but because they see a possible future failed marriage and an unhappy family. The possibility that your husband might find out one day, when you have two children at home, and he will want to leave you. The possibility that you may not be happy with what you have but still want to marry for one reason or another. They don't get mad at you as Jenny and don't have bad intentions.

[caterpillar79]

...That one act doesn't define who you are inside. What does define you, is what you choose to do with it at this point....

You screwed up, that's given. WE all screw up as humans, maybe not as serious as what you've committed, but still we do. Acknowledge it, repent and move on. There is the dilema as to whether or not tell your fiance about it, but weigh which one would work best. Either way, this is one of those bumps that you'll meet along the way anyway, so face it head on and see yourself through.

You made a mistake, suffer the repercussions, but stop beating yourself up about it. Move on and stay out of (the same) trouble.

Take care.

[smileygem05]

Hi Jenny

No doubt you have been spending a lot of time thinking about this situation, I think that you should do what feels right for you. Sometimes people cheat because somethings missing, sometimes they cheat because they can, I think you need to think about why this has happened and whether you are really ready to commit the rest of your life to your fiance.

If you can't, or you know the guilt will be too much of a burden for you to carry I think you should come clean. Everyone makes mistakes, all you can do is learn from them.

I think if you are ready to 100% commit to your hubby to be, then learn from your mistake, forgive yourself and be the best wife you can be!

[pepper]

This is why I hate bachelor/bachelorette parties. I don't even get the point of having one. ;/ I see marriages/relationships screwing up because of these.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

I hear what you are all saying and I cant help but feel like a tramp given everyone's comments. Its as if you all have never done something so diverse. Please do tell me since I know I cant be the only one.....one slip of the tongue is worth all the criticism? I do really regret what I did, but its hard seeing so much contempt and well, to be honest, failure to acknowledge the same sins or experience. My whole point of posting was that I was insecure about the whole thing......and I pursposely havent talked to my girlfriends about it because I know each and everyone of them has some skeleton in their closet, but I have to say, maybe I should have talked to them with perhaps some more sympathy. I'm sorry, I dont mean to begrudge, but I cant help but feel like an outcast..........

Your mind is questioning a few things here.

In one way, you feel that off course, your not the only one and your not, secondly that you feel guilt, and thirdly you feel like an outcast.

Jenn...

Marriage is an important step in life, it's one we "hope" will be forever, yes?

But, if we are not ready for it, if we don't really "love" rather, have feelings, strong enough that we feel love for someone ,we will do things, unless Morals comes into play.

The people that have answered are people that have Morals in life, are people that are in love, truly in love, and can't see what your saying, because when you are "in love" truly "in love" you wouldn't contemplate it.. It's not about one more time, it's about WOW, this person is my soul, he is my best friend, I so love him, get lost buster.

The reality is, is you did what you felt... And, what you felt, means your not truly in love... Down the track, way down the track, you will be saying things like, I'm not happy.. Or I wasn't ready for Marriage

Those that may be harsh, "remember we don't judge on this Forum" don't put your own personal thoughts into a post, to a person posting... whilst that's hard, your advise, should be "maybe your not in love, or ready for marriage, maybe your still young, or he was your first and you want to explore, maybe this thing that happened, should make you question....

That is what helping someone out, is all about.

Have a think Jen, if you come back.... Divorce and feeling down in a Marriage, is not a good thing.

Have a think about why you felt the need to be cheeky... Have a think about all your communication, compatibility, love for each other, something has to be missing big time for you to feel that you wanted to be cheeky, that one, last, time

True love ... It wouldn't even enter your mind.

CW

[Guest]

She came here looking for help, but I am afraid that she has been chased away.

[stressed]

I think what we basically told her was to tell her future husband before she marries him. As there is the possibility that this will be an even bigger problem if found out after marriage. If it was a different situation, without marriage being involved, then people wouldn't rush to talk to her like they did. Some times a single action tells a lot more than the reasons which led to it. It was also for her own sake, as she seemed to struggle with whether to say what happened or not and nobody wants to see anyone in an unhappy marriage.

I'm sorry she's not here anymore.

[grrrr]

Jenn! Come back! People aren't judging you. You came on with your dilemma. You were seeking help. Just because it's not the shoulder to cry on and the "here's a virtual band aid to make it not bad" thing didn't entirely happen - you asked for advice, and you got it.

No one on here is anything but supportive, or trying to help. Certainly people offer different points of views, but you couldn't have honestly thought that when you came on and essentially admitted to yourself and to the board that you kind of.... well... cheated... that there was going to be this "hands across America" hug fest for you. You posted the thread to either establish that you messed up, or to feel better because people think that more of an "open relationship" is the norm, and it isn't a big deal.

Bottom line - you're not a bad person - and neither is anyone on this forum. No one is here to attack you.

You should come back. We've all messed up at some point. I think that a lot of people who responded to this thread have also posted threads that have had a multitude of responses that as the poster we agree with or disagree with. I know that I have, and I'm a "newbie"! But I still appreciate everyone on here, and know that they're not out to personally "attack" anyone.

[Mes T]

I don't think she was chased away, a lot of new posters don't stick around long as a rule. There's a lot of great advice in this thread.

[Guest]

https://www.womens-health.com/boards/173722-post36.html