[Jenny222]

I am 26 and engaged to be married. The date is coming up in mid-April. One of my really good friends threw me a bachelorette party last week, part of which was going out to the clubs dancing with the girls. I dont know what it is about wearing that veil and a cute oufit, but it seemed like every guy in the club was chasing our group. Long story short, I ended up letting a guy talk me into walking him to his car and we made out for awhile. Sitting there in his car, I ended up giving him head. By the time I made it back to the club, my girlfriends didnt notice I was gone and therefore didnt know what happened so I dont have anyone to get this off my chest. Its hard to stop thinking about it. Any thoughts?

[Iseulda]

Thoughts. Um... well - it really depends a lot on you and your fiancé and how you get on. I'm assuming he would be upset by this. I'm also assuming that you would be upset if you found out that at his stag do he'd had oral sex with another woman. In essence, you know what you did was wrong for your relationship.

It also depends what you mean by "Its hard to stop thinking about it". Does that mean you are regretting it, feeling guilty - or does it me you are fantasizing about it?

I think the thing you have to do here is just live with it. You slipped up. If you love your fiancé and you still want to marry him and having oral sex with this man was just a drunken mistake then you have to accept that and move on. Do not tell any of your friends and do not tell you fiancé. What is the point upsetting him just to try to ease your own conscience? You have to live with it and not let it happen again.

[WildChild]

Well it wasn't right but this is part of the double standard - and what a rip off.

At bachelor parties lap dances, getting head or sex, especially for the groom, in many circles is pretty much a given. NO second thoughts. It's just expected.
You gave some stranger head...two problems - most people would consider it cheating and what did you get out of it? Didn't get you off did it?

So you fed some guy's ego, got yourself a load of guilt, did you use a condom or some barrier? If not you could have picked up a little something extra too. It's wrong for either gender but our society tends to take a "boys will be boys" attitude toward men doing it and to come down like a load of bricks on women for essentially the same behavior (except in a man's case it would have been about him getting off, not some strange woman)

It's time for some self-examining was this the "last fling" ala male type thinking (not a very positive thinking but of long standing and Never applogised for). Or is it indicative of an underlying problem in the relationship?

[KMonte85]

It's time for some self-examining was this the "last fling" ala male type thinking (not a very positive thinking but of long standing and Never applogised for). Or is it indicative of an underlying problem in the relationship?

This is very true. A lot of times in the party scene, people can get carried away. Especially when alcohol is involved. However, for every crazy bachelor/bachelorette party that goes on, goes too far, and ends up with cheating - there are quite a few more that do not because the bride and groom don't want to start out their lives as a married couple on such a bad note.

You need to figure out what it was that took you over the edge. I wouldn't suggest telling anyone about it as it doesn't seem like this is a normal situation for you. You harbor a lot of guilt, but fessing up I don't think will bring you anything positive. However, some reflection on why you were so easily coaxed into cheating on your husband should be examined.

[rcoreyus]

This must vary a lot by culture / region. For the people I know anything beyond watching strippers would be considered unacceptable.

For the original poster - you screwed up. Thats OK, you don't to tell anyone, but you owe your new husband a absolute forgivance for a similar screw-up. Some day he may do something similar, and when you find out, you should just let it go (remembering that we are just human and make mistakes)

Well it wasn't right but this is part of the double standard - and what a rip off.

At bachelor parties lap dances, getting head or sex, especially for the groom, in many circles is pretty much a given. NO second thoughts. It's just expected.
You gave some stranger head...two problems - most people would consider it cheating and what did you get out of it? Didn't get you off did it?

So you fed some guy's ego, got yourself a load of guilt, did you use a condom or some barrier? If not you could have picked up a little something extra too. It's wrong for either gender but our society tends to take a "boys will be boys" attitude toward men doing it and to come down like a load of bricks on women for essentially the same behavior (except in a man's case it would have been about him getting off, not some strange woman)

It's time for some self-examining was this the "last fling" ala male type thinking (not a very positive thinking but of long standing and Never applogised for). Or is it indicative of an underlying problem in the relationship?

[stressed]

Bachelorette party or not, you cheated on him. How would you feel if he told you he got oral sex on his bachelor party? What would you think of him then? You celebrated your future marriage by giving oral sex to a stranger. Drunk or not, it happened. He deserves to know and once he does, he will either do the same (which would be totally understandable), forgive you (slight chances there), or break up with you (depending on his attitude towards bachelor parties and having sex with strangers under alcohol influence). In any case, if you won't tell him now you will be thinking about it for the rest of your life. Since you can't take it back, you have to deal with it and be responsible for your actions.

[Mes T]

This just makes me nervous about these types of parties.

Is it really common for men/women to essentially cheat as a "last hurrah?"

[stressed]

This just makes me nervous about these types of parties.

Is it really common for men/women to essentially cheat as a "last hurrah?"

Same here. This is why I will never, ever, ever accept one for either me or my SO. Ever. I even rather wait than have to face something like that. As even if neither wants to, other people can force them into it "for fun".

The best is just some gathering with friends, if not something where both are there. Why go to a strip club or mess with alcohol? It's just silly to play with fire before, during or after the wedding.

[Mes T]

I agree, I think it's just ridiculous.

And way for those people to look at marriage as if it's the "last time" for anything fun, jeeeeeeez.

[Hopeless Dork]

It makes no sense. If there is a need for a 'last hoorah' it should be done before accepting an engagement... before committing to a relationship... not had the night before celebrating that commitment to each other.

Could it be that you sub-consciously... or maybe even consciously -- don't want to enter into this marriage? Maybe this was an attempt to sabotage it? Were you feeling upset about his bachelor party's raunchiness or presumed raunchiness that you felt you had to kick yours up a notch to feel even?