[Gia]

DUDE, you Prejudice SOB!

many divorce lawyers will tell you that porn is the number one wrecker of marriages.


oh really, name one? and one that can be quoted directly.

i find it funny that most sex therapists, do not see porn has a bad thing.

but insecure women and jesus freaks see it has a big problem.

Dude,

So what! If people value their religion whether it is Christianity, Muslum, Jewish, Hindu, Buddhist, Unitarian Universalists, etc...(I happen to be 100 % Jewish Eastern European descent) and against PORN. I have friends of all religious backgrounds as well as Atheist and Agnostic friends who also despise PORN. You are just one prejudice SOB! always making generalizations.

Furthermore, I am not "insecure". I am a successful mother and an officer of my children's PTA at school. I'm also a math/science professor, research scientist. I am not an insecure woman. Insecurities have nothing to do with why women don't want their husbands to engage in PORN. PORN leads to disrespect and dishonesty within the marriage!

Actually, DUDE you are the insecure one having to resort to PORN for Pseudo attention from an imaginary "so called" celebrity referred to as a PORN star (infested with Herpes and AIDS) pretending to tell you how hard and big your tiny "c*ck" is while you are climaxing! (This is cheating on your wife). Next time you use PORN to "get off" think of all the PORN star Drag Queens infested with Herpes and AIDS and the PORN stars such as John Holms and others who have died from AIDS! You are the insecure one diverting the attention you should spend on your wife onto the PORN.

[skwerllee]

Furthermore, I am not "insecure".

But in the other "porn" thread, you said....

His Porn use made me feel "less of a woman" it made me emotionally distraught the way he constantly compared me to the Porn stars

That sounds like insecurity, my friend.

My husband and I both like porn. We both prefer the amateur stuff over the "porn star" stuff. We respect and love each other, and have a great sex life. However, sometimes one of us is feeling a little randy when the other one is not home, and porn comes in handy. It's exciting to watch....the acts, themselves, not necessarily the individuals.

Sorry, Gia, but it sounds as though you think that biology changes once one gets married. My husband and I adore each other and chose to spend our lives together, but it certainly doesn't mean we've stopped noticing all the other beautiful people on Earth. It also does not mean that my sex drive comes to a screeching halt when hubby is at work, or vice versa. Sheesh....there's nothing wrong with masturbation, or with fantasizing. I happened upon this board by accident....is this a Puritan forum?

If your spouse is consistently choosing porn over having sex with you, then yes, there's a problem. But porn doesn't create those problems. That's like blaming heavy metal music for teen suicides.

And no, watching porn is not cheating. Cheating implies dishonesty; as long as there's honesty and communication, and life is good, I don't understand the big deal. And to be frank, snooping through your spouse's computer files is also dishonest.

[smichelle420]

I could understand how you feel , cuz od the weird stuff like the morph ones, i would be like WTF?! I know my husband is into porn, and it doesnt bug me i mean it doesnt get me off, but i dont mind it either, i guess cuz i know he is not obsessed with it, but he does have dvds, and he has put it on while we were in the act, that doesnt bother me. recently he told me that he like big FAKE boobs, and would i consider it.. normally i wouln't but lateley i have been... I think marriage is all about comprimise, so be open to what he i interested in, maybe he thinks you will flip cuz he looks at it, NOW the weird stuff would make me wonder too, but maybe he is just looking... Put a movie on and go at it with him or something freaky! I have come to find out hat alot of men are really into it, some way more than others...

[OptimusPrime]

A males point of view

Hi there ladies, hope you are all well and had wonderful festive season. A quick post from me being a male and I am keeping this as simple as possible, if you really love your man and really respect him and wants to support him then give him a break regarding porn watching. There are only two types of man that looks at porn, those with a problem something emotional witch is a topic for another day and those that watches porn just for the fun of it.

Sure you can work yourself up to the point were your mind are gonna blow up but its not going to change him one bit! I do not see woman as objects of any type or in any regard do I want to sound like a stereo type, but heres the thing 99% of men will at some point watch porn, he will be introduced to it by a friend, 90% of those will make a little habit of it and 4% will actually say NO to his wife or girlfriend to watch porn. If you are unlucky with guys falling into this 4% group you have my permission to kick his bud, but the rest of guys are watching because they find woman beautiful to look at.

I did erotic photography for many years and never ever was my wife suffering from something I saw or did at work. I seen more naked woman in one year that most guys are gonna see in a lifetime. Take some good advice and balance here, if your guy is watching porn to much to your liking its YOU with the limitation. Talk to him and get behind why he is watching you are going to be amazed at the REAL reasons.

Maybe its time for you to watch some porn of guys yourself ?? Have a fun week,

Cheers

OptimusPrime XxxX

[Fallen1]

if you really love your man and really respect him and wants to support him then give him a break regarding porn watching.

I'm not saying whether I agree or disagree with porn watching, just throwing this out there -

Why does it always have to be the ladies that "give in"? We can turn this around and say it to you guys - If you really love your girl and really respect her and want to support her then giver her a break regarding your porn watching.

[Still Nobody]

um...what?

but the rest of guys are watching because they find woman beautiful to look at

And THAT is one of the things that really hurts the wife or girfriend, suddenly they feel that they aren't good enough, when they should be all the man needs in the first place.

Take some good advice and balance here, if your guy is watching porn to much to your liking its YOU with the limitation. Talk to him and get behind why he is watching you are going to be amazed at the REAL reasons.
Maybe its time for you to watch some porn of guys yourself

I'm sorry, I have to disagree. There are plenty of women who enjoy watching porn, sure, but even more who are hurt by their SO watching it. Maybe you should read all of the threads on this forum that are from women who are hurt, confused and frustrated by this turn of events in their relationships.

I'm curious, what are "REAL" reasons that you allude to in your post?

Usually, when a woman asks her man about it, they get a first class ticket on the guilt train, and the woman finds out that she needs to be more like the women in the porn movies, and next thing you know, they are trying to please him by doing anal, facials, and all kinds of other things.
Limitation?
Now, I know there are plenty of women out there who enjoy porn, and that's great -- for them.
But, there are also plenty who don't and those women DO NOT have a limitation, they have an opinion and it should be respected.

[rcoreyus]

I'm not saying whether I agree or disagree with porn watching, just throwing this out there -

Why does it always have to be the ladies that "give in"? We can turn this around and say it to you guys - If you really love your girl and really respect her and want to support her then giver her a break regarding your porn watching.

Though I usually agree with you, here I'm going to disagree. Asking someone to stop doing something that they enjoy, but which does not harm you directly is a big request. If a man asked his wife to stop wearing "immodest" outfits because they bothered him, I would think that was a large request, and not one that she should feel bound to obey.

Of course it is a matter of scale. If he is wathing porn, and not paying attention to her, she has every right to ask him to stop. If she is dressing like a street walker and causing major embarassment wherever they go, he has every right to ask her to stop.

I think for most couples each gives up (and gains) a lot for (and from) the other. Often you may not realize what your SO has give up, so things can seem unbalanced.

[skwerllee]

And THAT is one of the things that really hurts the wife or girfriend, suddenly they feel that they aren't good enough, when they should be all the man needs in the first place.

I have to disagree here.

Expecting your SO to be everything in the world to you, or expecting that your SO will be 100%, completely fulfilled by you in every aspect of life, is the #1 reason for the high divorce rate, IMO. I'm not just talking about sex, either. People expect their spouses to be their best friend, sex partner, child-rearing partner, yada-yada-yada. That's all great, but people are hard-wired to live in communities. Men need the camaraderie of other men. Women need to bond with other women.

All of this "single family home" mentality is a strain on human nature.

I know my husband loves me, and that he enjoys sex with me very much. I also know that he is faithful to me and wants to be. He also watches porn. I can't (nor do I want to) control every thought that goes on in his head. I don't expect to fulfill his every fantasy, nor do I want to. That's a lot of pressure.

[Fallen1]

Though I usually agree with you, here I'm going to disagree. Asking someone to stop doing something that they enjoy, but which does not harm you directly is a big request. If a man asked his wife to stop wearing "immodest" outfits because they bothered him, I would think that was a large request, and not one that she should feel bound to obey.

Of course it is a matter of scale. If he is wathing porn, and not paying attention to her, she has every right to ask him to stop. If she is dressing like a street walker and causing major embarassment wherever they go, he has every right to ask her to stop.

I think for most couples each gives up (and gains) a lot for (and from) the other. Often you may not realize what your SO has give up, so things can seem unbalanced.

R, didn't say whether I agreed or disagreed with it, just throwing the thought out there.

Not harming you directly .... um .... I guess that all the women that have posted here that are hurting does not qualify as being directly hurt?

Him possibly asking not to wear immodest clothing .... here comes the b*tch in me ..... that depends. If he watches porn/looks at pictures of other women then in my opinion I see he has no right to ask his girl not to wear such if she chooses to do so. If he can look at other women then other men can look at his woman. Now don't get me wrong, there is a place/time for immodest clothing, especially if there is children involved in the relationship.

In the cases where the female has problems with it there needs to be some kind of change(s). It's just not right to ask the female to sit back and hurt over it while the guy selfishly continues on filling an unnecessary need. Unnecessary? Yes. It isn't necessary for him to do it to live, he will not shrivel up and die if he doesn't, he does it by choice. BUT, I will also say that it is not fair for him to change what/who he is completely, neither party should have to. My thoughts are that I just don't think it's fair for the woman to always be the one to back down. There should be some kind of compromise worked out so that neither party has to completely give in .... if only it were that simple.

[rcoreyus]

R, didn't say whether I agreed or disagreed with it, just throwing the thought out there.

Not harming you directly .... um .... I guess that all the women that have posted here that are hurting does not qualify as being directly hurt?

Him possibly asking not to wear immodest clothing .... here comes the b*tch in me ..... that depends. If he watches porn/looks at pictures of other women then in my opinion I see he has no right to ask his girl not to wear such. If he can look at other women then I think she can wear what she wants to, other men can look at her. If he can look at other women other men can look at his. Now don't get me wrong, there is a place/time for immodest clothing, especially if there is children involved in the relationship.

In the cases where the female has problems with it there needs to be some kind of change(s). It's just not right to ask the female to sit back and hurt over it while the guy selfishly continues on filling an unnecessary need. Unnecessary? Yes. It isn't necessary for him to do it to live, he will not shrivel up and die if he doesn't, he does it by choice. BUT, I will also say that it is not fair for him to change what/who he is completely, neither party should have to. My thoughts are that I just don't think it's fair for the woman to always be the one to back down. There should be some kind of compromise worked out so that neither party has to completely give in .... if only it were that simple.

Several things here:

Not hurting directly - I mean that she is only harmed because she thinks it is doing harm. I'm not talking about the case where he is ignoring her, or pressuring her to do things she doesn't want that he has seen in porn. Those I would consider direct harm - and I think that is the case for most of the women who have been "harmed" by porn.

Personally, I think women can wear whatever they want, whenever they want (not counting issues with children). I was just trying to come up with something that can be compared with watching porn - but it's tough. Nothing else I can think of is as physically harmless, yet so very offensive to some people.

btw: when I say porn is physically harmless, I am not including men who ignore their SOs, or force them to act out things they have seen. I'm also not including porn that is abusive in some way to the actors. All those I do consider real harm.

As far as who backs down: Since the majority of porn viewers are men, on this issue it is the women who are asking the men to change their behavior.


Before I get too deep into this, I want to make it clear that I think the porn discussion is interesting - but not that important. Interesting because of it's unique position in relationships (physically harmless, but offensive). Not important because there are so many more serious issues (abuse, neglect, etc, etc) in relationships.