[emotional]

Wildchild - He does his hobby in the garage. The one I've heard about for years with his trucks. He has I think 6 or 7 trucks now. He remodels old trucks. Well talked about doing it for years, but he still has the first truck he bought 12 years ago. I call it his junk. I'm tried of putting up with it. When this went down I told him he doesn't spend enough time with his family. Shortly after that, he started spending time with our daughter, but then he went right back to the garage. That could also be do to him saying he was going to stay away from me, but it's not fair to her for him to live out there. Anymore she's gotten to where she doesn't even want to be with him.

We got into an argument a couple weeks ago and our daughter walked in on it. Of course he won't leave it alone and keeps talking. She then blames me for arguing. It's not fair that she blames me for the arguements, when I do my best to ignore him when she's around. I could have easily said it was him, but I kept my mouth shut and take all the blame just so I don't put her daddy down in front of her.

[sallyskellington]

you are teaching your daughter it is ok to stay even though a person is abused and/or unhappy, you are only repeating the cycle you learned from your grandmother and now she is learning it from you.

[pretzel]

you are teaching your daughter it is ok to stay even though a person is abused and/or unhappy, you are only repeating the cycle you learned from your grandmother and now she is learning it from you.

I think Sally's right.

I fully understand that you want to protect your child from hearing the arguments and the apathy toward each other. But I'm afraid you're not protecting her by staying. You're doing the opposite. You're enabling the behavior.

It's up to him to be a good father. It's up to him to be a good husband. It's up to him to be the person he wants to be.

(on edit)

You don't have to put him down even though you want out of the marriage. Sometimes in life, people's views change. Sometimes that's all kids need to understand.

[WildChild]

As Pretzel said earlier, the home is already broken. She is blaming you because that is safer than blaming dad who is already remote. You probably need to quit being quite so protective of her hearing and knowing what he is doing.

He left a while back, his body may be there but it doesn't sound he is. Truth is, she may get real interaction with her father if the two of you split up. Then he will have her for specific times and will have to be a parent during those times.

[emotional]

I spoke to the attorney yesterday. Haven't done anything yet. I'm so scared. Why am I so numb? Before going to the attorney I went through some old photo albums. We were so happy in the beginning. Why did it turn out like this 15 years later? I'm so torn. I don't know this guy anymore. I know I've changed too. I may not be as fun anymore. Being a mother has made me more serious. Last night I thought I'd be more talkative to see how he'd respond. I told him about an incident with a skunk the night before and didn't get a response. Guess I brought that on by me not being sociable.

[pretzel]

My first wife and I divorced shortly before our 19th anniversary. There is no easy answer.

One thing we both had agreed was that over the course of our lives together what was important to us individually were no longer the same as they were when we first got together. No one was wrong nor right. We change as people over the years. Sometimes we're lucky in that we grow together and our views on life continue to be in agreement. Sometimes we not as lucky and we grow apart from those things.

If there is one think I know I'll always take from that marriage and that part of my life are the good memories. We have 2 great kids together, many mutual friends and many fond memories of happy times and events. Nobody can ever take those things away from you.