[Joey]

Chad, that's not normal. She's married! I'm sorry I just think it's way out of line. The only thing you can do is tell her that it's really not ok with you at all. If she can't be with only you and can't be alone then like Mes said, you may want to get out now while you still can.

I totally agree with this. Its not right at all what she is doing. So she likes compansionship - so do i, but i wont go out and pull some random guy just because my boyfriend is working and i feel lonely.

To me, if your in love with someone - in love enough to actually marry them, 6 months is stuff all to wait for them.

If you let her get away with this - whats to stop her from continuing to do this kind of thing even when you get back?

you need to nip it in the bud now andtell her EXACTLY how you feel, or just get out while you can. Its so wrong.

[sourpuss]

You told your wife you want to be the only man in her life and she wasn't happy about it.

I don't understand why she agreed to marry you if you wouldn't be enough for her, seriously.

Spicing things up with fantasy is one thing, finding pictures of other guys in your pickup is another. Unless you have clearly told her "it is okay to make up with other people", whether you meant it or not.

You seem overly worried about upsetting her or making her angry towards you. You must know by now that neither yelling nor passiveness gives a result. You can disagree about something without yelling or having to say "yes" to whatever she does.

You either have a different opinion about marriage or you wanting this marriage to work better than your last one has changed you into not standing up for yourself and you would let her to anything, as long as she treats you well and doesn't yell at you.

I agree. I get the impression that he's scared to death of her being mad at him. Chad, YOU should be the one who's mad! She has absolutely no leg to stand on. You don't have to lose your temper or yell at all but you certainly don't have to allow her to turn it around on you.

Have you asked yourself why you are so scared of her? Have you always been scared of the women in your life? Or is this a new thing because of a reaction to a past relationship, or specific to this girl and the way she treats you?

[LanaBear]

I got to be honest, I don't like how she is playing this. I'm just still on aww after reading this thread numerous times. I agree with sp, you have no reason to not be just royally peeved. I understand that you don't want this one to fail after your last one, if I remember right, your ex cheated on you as well, right? You don't need this in your life right now, not with being deployed, well, technically not ever.

I think it is so disrespectful to you as a man to have your wife say this. Like Little said previously, some are just no cut out to be military wives.

It also just comes across as regardless how you tell her you feel, she may continue to do what she wants, if she's that hard up for male companionship after a couple of months, what is it going to be like in a couple more months and a couple more after that?

Good luck and stay safe.

[sourpuss]

I like having a boyfriend all the time just to get cuddles personally, but I'm a virgin. She's like me maybe

NO. She's not. She's a married woman. There's a huge difference.

[Hopeless Dork]

I like having a boyfriend all the time just to get cuddles personally, but I'm a virgin. She's like me maybe

Did you read the OP? I don't understand anything about how you liking cuddles ties into her being anything like you??

Agreed with sourpuss... you are single chick.... She is a married woman with her husband on a tour of millitary duty... your situation is entirely different.

[PJhavinfunagain]

This is just crazy! Was she even in the room when the wedding vows were read? Is English her first language? Did she understand what Marriage means? Hello!!! This is WRONG!!!

And to Molly... you seem like a nice girl but you are young and still have a lot of growing up to do. As adults we should be able to control our emotions and impulses so we do not hurt the ones we profess to love and have committed to be life partners with. BIG Difference!!!

[meggo]

Ummmm ok this is NOT OK!!! She married YOU, if she didnt want to be with only you she shouldnt have married you. Dont feel like because your gone that you owe her something by letting her act like this. Shes cheating. If she really loved you she would wait. You deserve better than that.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

About our back ground, we have fantasized about other people in the heat of passion. You know, I mean like we were just trying to spice things up a bit with a fantasy. But it wasn't really a serious thing, or so I thought, until I got over here. And when she first brought it up I did freak out and after we talked I ended up feeling like I was the one doing something wrong. As usual with her, I backed down because I didn't want her to be mad at me. So fast forward to yesterday, she wasn't mad at me, and she still went out with that other guy. I guess it was a wake up for me. So with the advice I got here and my wake up call, I did confront her with it. I think we had a good call, she wasn't happy, but I let her know that I am her husband and made it clear that I don't seek out nor do I want any other companion then her and I expect the same in return. I love her and I will do whatever it takes to make our marriage work, even if it means I have to upset her from time to time. But everything I do, I do to make us better off.

It may be that to you, they were fantasies and to her, she wants to act some of them out.

It sounds as if, you were just "talking" but, you also again un-leashed thoughts in her mind, and possibly that it's "okay" to get company as a result of those "fantasies" which you can mention to a degree here, it may help your thread a bit better in the understanding.

Someone said "spoilt princess" I think it was Mes, and I agree. It seems she doesn't like the word "no". She still went out with that guy anyway.

I'm glad that you told her "no".. but Chad, everything you do you do for "us" is not really the situation.. You don't want to fail in a second marriage and so you are giving alot in this one to keep it... Only your Morals are stepping in, and stopping you from accepting some things that you really personally, don't want.

Did you know that most Millionairres failed (3) times, in business before they made it?

Life is about lessons learnt and they are about lessons, so never feel that your a failure. This is your life as well, and we live once in this body, do not allow someone to take full control... It won't work.

CW

[Chad117]

Ok, so yesterday I called before I went to bed. I took the advise that everyone here is generally in agreement with. I let my anger and frustration out, I still didn't yell, but I was passionate none the less. It did not go well and I ended the converstaion by hanging up on her. I went to bed angry and sleep terribly and when I woke up and checked email I had several from her. The first few were not good, she was very angry, but as the emails went on she got softer and softer. The last one I could tell she was in tears when she was writing it. When I called she was crying and was very apologetic. She said she knew it was wrong and that she was sorry she had hurt me. I'm not saying everything is perfect, but she was very genuine in her apology and I believe she is truly remorseful.

I have thought a lot over the last 24 hours about why and I afraid to make her angry. The only thing I come up with is that my first wife constantly belittled and emotionally abused me. I thought I had got past all that, I stayed single for 8 years because I had a lot of trust issues with women. Then when my wife and I started dating I felt like I had finally come home. She made me feel loved and respected. She really is a good woman. What can I say, I love her. After our talk, I don't think that this will be a problem again. As you all said I needed to make it absolutely clear how I felt, and once I did and she realized how much she had hurt me, she was truly remorseful. We talked about other things she could do to occupy her time that are healtier for us as a couple, and her as an individual. We are both commited to making this marriage work.

[caterpillar79]

... After our talk, I don't think that this will be a problem again. As you all said I needed to make it absolutely clear how I felt, and once I did and she realized how much she had hurt me, she was truly remorseful....

I commend you for putting your foot down while keeping your composure. It would be best to stay firm and consistent with it. You've laid the ground work, stick to it.

She apologized, you said, and you forgave her? Good. Move on and try to start fresh. What some husbands (or wives) fail to do though they said they have forgiven is they keep bringing it up once another issue stirs up. Please don't be one of those, but keep your eyes, ears and heart open.

Her actions speak volumes, so are yours.