[WildChild]

Good for you, hopefully you've cleared the air and been clear and this won't be an issue. Perhaps more important is that you've established a new level of communication and understanding.

[sourpuss]

I commend you for putting your foot down while keeping your composure. It would be best to stay firm and consistent with it. You've laid the ground work, stick to it.

Good for you, hopefully you've cleared the air and been clear and this won't be an issue. Perhaps more important is that you've established a new level of communication and understanding.

I agree with both of these statements. I think it's very important to not fall back into the trap of being walked all over.

Well done for saying how you feel and getting your point across without getting angry. I hope all goes well.

[KMonte85]

I'm very happy for you Chad! Both for being direct with your wife about how you're feeling and opening the lines of communication between you two, and for taking the time to analyze why you were so hesitant to upset her in the first place. Having accomplished both these things, you're in a much better position to not fall back into the same pattern again. Kudos to you!

[Chad117]

Thanks for all the help everyone. I know we will have more bumps in the road as all marriages do, but I hope this has laid the ground work for healthy communication. Thanks again everyone.

[thack]

I am in the military as well Chad, I had an Ex wife do the same thing, but she didnt come out and say it, she still wont admit it years after our divorce (I would not stand for it, didnt want it, but will not live with a cheater) and she lives with one of the guys she was sleeping with during one of my trips to Basra, you can communicate with your wife if she is truly supposed to be your wife. if she isnt, then you will never have piece of mind while you are gone, you will always be wondering "what is she doing" it will creep into your mind while you should be worrying about pulling security down an ally way, or getting ready to do a mission of some sorts, in the end you will be put at more risk because you cannot focus on what your task at hand is. I have been in the situation I just talked about, for a long time, I got out, and I honestly dont regret it, BUT everything has to start with communication, either healing or ending. Neither are easy, neither is joyful, but you have to take a step towards what you want in the end brother. one way or another, lying to her or "acting" a certain way will not do it. Honesty and open lines of communication are the only way. Stand up for what you want, what you believe in. (just like you are right now in other ways)

[wishfulthinker]

i am not married. i'm in my first ever relationship.. i love this man and we always wanted to get married. but after 2yrs of peace, i recently realized he has some form of sex addiction. everything is pretty much in pieces now.

but i can imagine wot u feel.. i don't know. this doesn't sound right at all. u must really love her that ur not wanting to let go. "snuggling in bed, watching tv and kissing a little" no chad. this is too haywire. she is married for gods sake. married people don't sit in other men's bed n snuggle. also, she said she could do with some "male companionship on the phone" and then u simply happened to find the picture in the truck.. had u not found that.. maybe it would always have remained a secret..

maybe its not for me to say im in deep poo myself.. but if i were u.. i would not ruin my soul, and the good memories any further.. and opt out.

there's a member on this forum who sports this quote by waldo emerson that caught my fancy today.. "Most of the shadows of this life are caused by our standing in our own sunshine."

i haven't broken up with my man.. we were engaged to get married.. i m still making excuses for me. after 2 yrs there's disappointments everyday.. n i'm getting exhausted.. i know i ll be better off alone than be with someone who is constantly deceiving me.

take care

[wishfulthinker]

talk to her once.. make it clear to her tht u dont approe of such behavior.. if she really wants this to work out.. she would give all it tkes to stay with u. make it a chance, if u must ..

mistyped a few stuff in the previous msg :

i havent broken up with my man.. we wer engaged to get married.. i m still making excuses for his mistakes*. after 2 yrs there's disappointments everyday.. n im gettin exhausted.. i knw i ll be better off alone than be with somone who is constantly deceiving me.