Hi everyone,
I have posted on here before, but never in this section. I honestly can't believe I am now, but really need some advice from a third (uninvolved) party. Recently while using our shared itouch, I found out that my fiancé (bought a house together, have been together over 3 1/2 years) was looking at pictures of a girl. Not usually a biggie, but this was the third time that the same specific photos were up. I found out she also works for the same company as he does (just so everyone knows, I wasn't snooping, I touched the history button by accident; earlier in the relationship I admitted to doing so at one point). I was furious. When I confronted him-oh, just so you know, this was the same day I found out my young cousin was pregnant(we recently had a miscarriage, and she is nowhere near ready to be a mom) and he had training to do in the building she worked in, and it was approximately 7:30 amwhen he looked at these photos, it was nothing but lies. He looked me straight in the face and told me that he just thinks she's pretty. Then I finally got it out of him that he has a crush on her (he claims it's a school boy crush). The thing that gets me, is that they haven't worked together since January (it's almost June). If is was as innocent as that, he wouldn't still be looking at her photos. The other thing (the most important) is that it literally took him hours to say this. He lied to my face. This little incident happened to be sandwiched between two other occassions when I KNEW he was lying to me, but didntadmit the truth. He than finally told me that he did it in part because he resents me for not having a job (I've broached this topic in the past and we've had a few conversations.....to my knowledge, from his mouth, everything was fine). Since we had been discussing this for hours, I asked him once more if he had anything he needed to tell me. He swore up and down that was it (I didn't really believe him since I'm learning he's capable of lying to me about EVERYTHING). The next day, after discussing everything, he told me that he thought we were getting very routine. He said he had felt this way for a few weeks. When I asked him why he didn't tell me before, he didn't really say much (he usually says nothing during our fights, and although I can get passionate at times, he knows that I will respect him for being honest, no matter what he tells me-even though he knows I may not like it).
Another part to this is he said it boosted his ego. While our sex life is wonderful for the most part, I once told him I wasn't satisfied with how long our sex lasted. I did this because it was really starting to get to me (although he's willing and eager, sex generally only lasts a minute or so) and I wanted us to discuss ways to work it out. This broke my heart.
After days of arguing and crying (well, I was the only one crying) he said he would go to therapy. He's gone once so far and says he thinks it'll help. I know he loves me and wouldn't intentionally hurt me, he's broken the same promise dozens of times and has lied to me about god knows what. At what point do I say enough is enough? I love him, but he knows I believe you can't have a relationship without trust. I tried to get passed this (my thinking is generally that I know I'll get over it and well be fine, so why be ****ed) but I just can't. It feels like it's sinking in more and more what he's done. Since he's been doing this since August and has lied about it, I consider this emotional cheating, even though she's not aware of it (but according to him they're friends that email through work, how often? Idont think he would tell me the truth, so I have no clue. He also didn't know that two of her cats looked amazingly like ours......he talks about our cats and dog to everyone, even customers!!!!!!)
It's been almost two weeks since this has happened and my emotions are all over the place. Am I over reacting? I just never thought he was capable of this, and knowing he lies about the small stuff and the big stuff most likely means he lies about everything in between. What the heck would you do? Do you consider this emotional cheating?
Thanks for the help everyone
I have posted on here before, but never in this section. I honestly can't believe I am now, but really need some advice from a third (uninvolved) party. Recently while using our shared itouch, I found out that my fiancé (bought a house together, have been together over 3 1/2 years) was looking at pictures of a girl. Not usually a biggie, but this was the third time that the same specific photos were up. I found out she also works for the same company as he does (just so everyone knows, I wasn't snooping, I touched the history button by accident; earlier in the relationship I admitted to doing so at one point). I was furious. When I confronted him-oh, just so you know, this was the same day I found out my young cousin was pregnant(we recently had a miscarriage, and she is nowhere near ready to be a mom) and he had training to do in the building she worked in, and it was approximately 7:30 amwhen he looked at these photos, it was nothing but lies. He looked me straight in the face and told me that he just thinks she's pretty. Then I finally got it out of him that he has a crush on her (he claims it's a school boy crush). The thing that gets me, is that they haven't worked together since January (it's almost June). If is was as innocent as that, he wouldn't still be looking at her photos. The other thing (the most important) is that it literally took him hours to say this. He lied to my face. This little incident happened to be sandwiched between two other occassions when I KNEW he was lying to me, but didntadmit the truth. He than finally told me that he did it in part because he resents me for not having a job (I've broached this topic in the past and we've had a few conversations.....to my knowledge, from his mouth, everything was fine). Since we had been discussing this for hours, I asked him once more if he had anything he needed to tell me. He swore up and down that was it (I didn't really believe him since I'm learning he's capable of lying to me about EVERYTHING). The next day, after discussing everything, he told me that he thought we were getting very routine. He said he had felt this way for a few weeks. When I asked him why he didn't tell me before, he didn't really say much (he usually says nothing during our fights, and although I can get passionate at times, he knows that I will respect him for being honest, no matter what he tells me-even though he knows I may not like it).
Another part to this is he said it boosted his ego. While our sex life is wonderful for the most part, I once told him I wasn't satisfied with how long our sex lasted. I did this because it was really starting to get to me (although he's willing and eager, sex generally only lasts a minute or so) and I wanted us to discuss ways to work it out. This broke my heart.
After days of arguing and crying (well, I was the only one crying) he said he would go to therapy. He's gone once so far and says he thinks it'll help. I know he loves me and wouldn't intentionally hurt me, he's broken the same promise dozens of times and has lied to me about god knows what. At what point do I say enough is enough? I love him, but he knows I believe you can't have a relationship without trust. I tried to get passed this (my thinking is generally that I know I'll get over it and well be fine, so why be ****ed) but I just can't. It feels like it's sinking in more and more what he's done. Since he's been doing this since August and has lied about it, I consider this emotional cheating, even though she's not aware of it (but according to him they're friends that email through work, how often? Idont think he would tell me the truth, so I have no clue. He also didn't know that two of her cats looked amazingly like ours......he talks about our cats and dog to everyone, even customers!!!!!!)
It's been almost two weeks since this has happened and my emotions are all over the place. Am I over reacting? I just never thought he was capable of this, and knowing he lies about the small stuff and the big stuff most likely means he lies about everything in between. What the heck would you do? Do you consider this emotional cheating?
Thanks for the help everyone
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