[Miss Independant]

Someone who has been there.

Firstly my heart goes out to you. I found myself in the same situation only the child had reached the age of 11 by the time I found out. In the meantime my husband and I had gone on to have three children together.

Just like your situation my fiancé cheated during our year long engagement. We had been a couple for four years prior to getting engaged. The other woman knew he was engaged. She notified my husband of her pregnancy approximately 6 weeks before our wedding, and notified his parents a week before the wedding. My husband and his parents all deserve Oscars for their performance on our wedding day.

I began to get suspicious when I noticed my husband was withdrawing large amounts of cash (to pay maintenance for the child.) He would lie through his teeth about why he was withdrawing such amounts. I believed him and didn't question further.

Our first born was conceived the week his secret child was born. As mentioned above, we went on to have two more children. My husband is a professional GP and very well known in the Lowestoft area. Many people knew about his secret child as the mother kindly sent updates and pictures to his surgery. Nobody told me. I too worked at the surgery. The secret child lived less than ten minutes away from our house. Prior to working at his surgery, I remember working on the ward next door to a woman who was in the latter stages of pregnancy. I had no idea she was carrying my Husband's child. Why would I twig? It didn't cross my mind. My husband would have been aware of the fact we were working in close proximity, but it didn't seem to worry him.

He would meet up with the mother and child every few weeks and would even take them on outings.. sailing on our boat. I would be at home looking after our three children. I do feel for the innocent child in this mess.

As you have most likely gathered by now, the betrayal, deceit and lies have been unbearable. I spent four years trying to forgive, but he carried on seeking female attention in the form of texts and secret e-mails with various women. He even walked a female patient home after 'bumping' into her at a local pub/club and kissed her and regularly texted her. I found this out a few weeks before learning of the 'secret child' . Mobile phone bills were increasing, and had strangely been diverted to his place of work! A very clever man.

We went to relate, but my Husband wasn't really remorseful (He was for the first 6 months, but then said I should 'get over it') I asked him to share the 'secret' with his parents as felt they had a right to know.. we told them the day after I found out and once again they delivered an Oscar winning performance of 'shock' and 'surprise'.

I am now in the process of divorcing him, and he has already moved on with several women. Our children have coped amazingly well.. goodness knows how. Anyway my message to you would be to free yourself of this cheat before any more children are involved. If I had been told prior to our wedding, I would have run a mile, but I wasn't given that option. You can do so much better. Lots of hugs Xx

[Found999]

If he cheated once...he will cheat on you twice! there's so many deserving guys out there...why put things up to someone who lied to you? but then if you can move on without leaving him or getting to a fight or getting jealous every now and then...Oh well, why not? and always think that everything happens for a reason...it might be that painful but He will put you to a situation that can mold your character...it's painful but God has plans for you! cheer up...just wait and see for that better plans God has for you...

[Found999]

Congrats! you did the right thing! Hugs for you sis!

[Roseflower]

When I read your post I thought I was reading my own post. The exact same thing has happened to me, but we have a child together. My husbands love child was born 5 months before our child. I wanted to make it work, but now realise that it is better for our daugther to leave. Just trying to find the strength to do this. Whenever he is holding our daughter, I wonder if he is thinking about his other daughter. He does a lot more for his other daughter, as the mother doesn't do much for her daughter. She also seemed to have had the child to try and entrap him. But it hurts me as it feels like he is choosing his other child over our child. I don't know if I can go on much longer. He says its over between him and her, but I know it isn't. I know I can do better than giving a cheater another chance. If he has done it once, he can do it again. I also think that if he respected me, he would have told me about it, but I had to hear from strangers and his mother. I am not going to let him have his cake and eat it Good luck and let me know if u wanna chat.

I am in a very similar situation and I am heartbroken. I was with someone for two years and we both deeply loved one another. However 3 months into our relationship something didn't feel right, I knew he was hiding something from me and from there I found out his ex was 6 months pregnant with his child. He told me he didn't tell me because he loved me and he didn't want to lose me. I saw the helplessness in his eyes and based on that I decided to give it a go. Things were never the same again, for two years he told me he wants nothing to do with the ex and child until one day two years down the line he told me he's making the kid a part of his life and if I can accept it then that's fine and if not then he doesn't care. All he cares about is this child now, his family isn't happy either and his ex who is a complete Pyscho will ensure he sticks with the child. I have tried accepting the child but I can't. It's impossible.. Every time I think of the child I think of him and her and it kills me. I'm sick of this now, sometimes I wish the kid didn't exist but then I feel bad because it was meant to happen..