[rcoreyus]

I've been on both sides of over-protectiveness. I think there are 2 distinct cases (both problems but different). If he asks you for all this help and is constantly wanting attention and extra effort from you, or not doing work / chores because of various disabilities, then he is taking advantage of you. If you are providing help that he doesn't ask for then maybe you are being over-protective and you should back off a bit - only do things for him to prevent serious harm.

[Mes T]

I don't think you're over-protective, I think he's just so dang emotionally dependent on you. I myself was like this with an ex of mine. I was SO dependent on him. Kiss my boo-boo, do this for me, I'm a weakling with you, etc. I was essentially a child in a grown woman's body. I dunno how on earth he put up with me or was ever able to be sexually attracted to this person who acted so immature at times. :P

On a more sober note, it took a big, bad, ugly break-up for me to become independent. Fortunately I've gained such an independence that I don't think anyone will be able to take away from me again.

So... have you considered taking a little "holiday" away from him, just somehow arranging to be on your own for a little while? I think YOU need a break, and HE definitely needs to learn to become an adult.

I'm just remembering the other issues you've mentioned in the past, on top of this one.

[mr.mansview]

I have a worse problem with him telling me he has some sort of health problem every week and expect me to take care of him every single time, whether it's a scratch or cough. I love taking care of him but I think he over-does it with asking for help. It's like, if I get a burn in the kitchen by frying oil (which has happened a couple of times) I won't go to him and cry about it, I won't even mention it. But if he feels any kind of discomfort he will tell me about it right away and ask me to do something about it. If he wants to be a "man" he should be able to take things like a "man" as well...

sorry, he sounds like a whiner to me

[CHANDLERS WISH]

I suspect, Pretzel is right, that being that he's a Mumma's boy, was always looked after when he got ill, or fell..

I'd say he therefore, didn't get the opportunity to defend himself and has fear, can't stand up for himself and lastly I think he suffers from being a hypocondriac..

Hypocondriacs are always ill, always hurt themselves, always want attention, and sometimes pretends to get it.

I think they are two separate issues...

Why not go with him and join a class of Karate? Or something simular without telling him why, so that he can become stronger and see himself in a different light?

And, don't nurture him.. Let him fend for himself...

And, seek advice on people that are hypocondriacs and solutions.

PS No spell check on this computer, sorry if I spelt that word wrong

[stressed]

(Personal info deleted)

[stressed]

[accidental double post]

[rcoreyus]

You bring up a couple of points. Forgetting: I forget things sometimes as well - I think everyone does, and I don't know any way to prevent it. If something is REALLY important you are more likely to remember, but not everything can be critically important to you. Pilots sometimes forget to put down the landing gear in their planes before landing - even though they know that this will destroy the plane and end their flying careers. I don't think you can every blame someone for honestly forgetting something. Overprotection - I think the best way to tell is to stop taking care of him when something goes wrong. I suspect though that he wants the the help and protection. Strength means a lot of things - not just physical strength. Cleaning the house: This is a big issue if you have different ideas of how messy is OK. Then the person who wants the neater place is stuck cleaning (sort of the way that the person who wants less sex controls the couple's sex life). Since people can honestly disagree about how much mess is OK, this is a tough one. In my case it has drifted over time. Long ago I was the messy one, and my wife was always complaining that I didn't neaten things up enough. Now I've become more of the neatness freak and get annoyed when her stuff isn't all put away. (only slightly annoyed - I remember being disorganized). Dividing chores is tough when one person works and the other doesn't. Its easy for each to think that they are doing more because they don't see what the other does.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

yet everyone tells me who it was "the girl's fault" for the mess. Come on now, it's obvious whose fault it was

If everyone is his family members, then they have taught him that it's a woman's job

[stressed]

(Personal info deleted)

[Mes T]

For some reason I have good chemistry with his mom and it's alright to talk to her like that. She always takes my side as well.

Hey that's quite a plus! Good for you!