[amymarie471]

It was almost like reading my own story from two weeks ago

Ladybug, when I read your statement, I know exactly what you are feeling. A week ago, I found out my husband had an affair with my friend, someone who watched my son for two and 1/2 years. She and I were very close and believe it or not, I trusted her more then him. The affair ended about a year ago, He too said they only had sex twice....maybe that's the number men think we will be okay with. They had sex in my house and at her house while her kids and my son were outside playing. I talked to her and him. She didn't admit the sex but he did and I even made him tell her husband. The messed up part about this feeling I'm walking around with is...I keep trying to picture exactly what they did, how they did it, what they said to each other. I do love my husband and like the sex we have, but now, I am so upset all the time. I might not show it all the time...but it never goes away, well at least not yet. I've read the advice you were given and honestly don't know if I can forgive my husband. This was a double betrayal and I didn't find out from him. I found out from his ex sister in law, (you see he was very proud of back in the day) The babysitter is sexy, smaller weight then me, he wanted her from the time he met her. So, he said after the sex, they remained friends, called each other every day, he picked my son up at her house every day, and every day they both never told me. He said it was just a piece of *** and he never stopped loving me. I believe that in a way, (see how messed up I am) We too are trying to work it out but it's hard, please keep me informed on how your situation is working out, so I don't feel so alone.

[amymarie471]

One more thing...

I too am more angry at the women.

[kaylar]

Transition Period


The usual reaction is that one becomes angry at the
other woman as if she is a wicked witch and he is
a dear little boy who was on his way to grandma's house
when abducted.

For some reason, seeing him as the helpless victim
abducted by the wicked witch makes us feel better
maybe more protective of the dear little boy we married.

As we move from anger and insanity we begin to
appreciate his complicity, and then his complete
culpability.

Many of our 'friends' are not our friends, and we would
find out, differently..
remember when you were in school and your 'best friend'
walked off with someone else, how hurt you were?

A husband has a committment to his wife. He is
unfaithful, not the so-called friend. She is a born
****. She can't help it. She sleeps with everyone.
Maybe she was angry at you because your carrot
cake came out better than her's. Forget her. She's
not part of your life.

He is part of your life.

Don't waste a thought on her. She isn't thinking
of you but her next "john".

The 'only' twice argument needs to be flushed
down the toilet.

You mark your own calendar and assume than
any opportunity they had they took.

As the typical mistress, let's assume, she sucked
him off, swallowed his cum, probably let him
experiment with anal sex, and whatever other
positions were available on the blue movies
they watched.

Fine.

Now, we deal with the most important person
in the triangle....YOU.

Exactly what do you want at this moment.
No one else's opinion matters.
Only You.

Sarah is a real person, who decided to use
her husband's adultery as a blank cheque.
Who used his adultery to gain an incredible
level of autonomy.

She did not ever have to go home to him.
If she was offered a business trip out of
town she didn't have to say; "Oh, I must
ask my husband," because he sacrificed any
and all rights to her company.

She went to lots of important functions
without him. In fact, many times she
went with other people.

He stayed home.

The reason she didn't carry him to these
important functions; when he whined...
"I'm sorry dear, these are very important
people, and I don't know if you would be
able to keep your pants on, and it just
wouldn't do for you to be found on the
pantry floor on top of the waitress."

In short, she addressed him as if he had
a psychological problem in keeping his
fly closed. (Just as Nancy had to deal
with Ron's Alzeheimers).

The good thing about this was that she
could arrive when she wanted and leave
when she wanted.

Sarah's marriage as it is has lasted for
many years.

Professionally, it was ideal because of the
autonomy, where she could make her own
decisions.

But you have to decide for yourself...
often...many women basically decide to
stay with the cheater until they find
someone else, then dump him.

[amymarie471]

the last line is what I was planning on doing

Well, I did have the thought of acting like a forgave him, continue to lose weight and when I felt better about myself find a man nothing like my husband and leave him. We live in a dream home right now, on the water at the beach, summer is coming up and I would love for my son to have one awesome summer because I will never be able to live in a house on the water again (his boss owns the house, we rent dirt cheap) The ****, Holly Paul of Fredericksburg Va is far away from us right now. But, every day my mind imagins them together and how ****ed off I am. She was a closer friend to me then my husband. We haven't been that close in years. She gave me advice on him, that's why I'm more angry. I want her to pay for what she did as well as my husband, make them hurt just like me and my son...

[kaylar]

I want her to pay for what she did as well as my husband, make them hurt just like me and my son..

Well, that's not difficult to do.

Firstly, go through the summer as if everything is perfect,
enjoying every minute, and making your plans.

Tell any and everyone about her, and do it with a smile.
Ridicule her, but keep it light, and never mention her in
the presence of your soon to be ex-husband.

Make your plans to leave.
Steal a little house money, don't spend any money
on the house at all, pick out what you plan to move
with, and either get it out of the house...(it broke...
it's being repaired...) so that when you leave you
won't have much to carry.

[amymarie471]

very smart lady

WOW, that's very smart. Sounds good to me. I am upset today though, found out the husband of the women didn't leave her. He doesn't believe it really happen, even after I made my husband confess it all to him on the phone. I just want her to feel the pain like me. Oh, by the way...I've told every living person I know about her. I wish I could make up a flyer and have my friends post it in her neighborhood on stop signs....I'm in a different state, prove I did it....it would say something like...
Beware of this babysitter, she took my money, and had sex with my husband while watching my child....Holly Paul on Albany St. I want to do it sooooo bad.

[tinkerbell930]

I know how you feel. My ex-husband had an affair too...I wanted them both punished. Life goes on and none of that matters to me at all now. It only opened the door for me to meet my new husband. Time does heal all wounds, no matter how painful they are. Affairs are very painful and you want the people that caused you the pain to feel the same way, somewhere down the road, they will. The old saying "what goes around, COMES AROUND!", is very true. It may not seem like it now, but this is probably the start of something else wonderful for you! God works that way!

[kaylar]

What works is when you laugh, when you sit back
smug in the fact you have the man, and she's was
just a 'washoff'. (We call women who suck cocks
'rifle cleaners' and claim they give 'washoffs')

The best place to find is the beauty saloon she
frequents, and find out when she's not there...
i.e. at work or something, and then waltz in
and talk...and laugh about her...

In truth, Other Women tend to be the most pathetic
of the gender. They actually believe the husband
will leave his wife for them.

[amymarie471]

She was married, he knew she wasn't going to leave

My husband knew she wasn't going to leave and vice a versa. Both had too much to lose. They had feeling for each other, I know they did. She did it because she could. Our friendship meant nothing. I like the beauty shop idea. Next time I am in the city, I will do that. I'm very good friends with her ex brother in law, he'll find out for me where she goes. I guess that's the only thing I can do so far. I wish the day of sitting back and laughing was right now. I can't listen to the radio anymore, because every song seems to upset me. The worse part about all this is how much my 7 year old is hurting. It upsets me not to see the happy little boy I once had. This is my second husband, my first one cheated and left for a women 20 years older( with money), now this one...my bestfriend.. The chances of me finding another cheater is pretty darn good.

[kaylar]

Other women know they are inferior.
They compare themselves to their friends
and think...

"Hmmm? Am I prettier than Lily? Am I sexier?
Let me see if I can get her husband into bed
and prove I'm just as good...no! Better than
Lily!"

So ****ina gets Lily's husband into bed, and enjoys
the first few times, dreaming of the moment when
Lily finds out and she can feel superior...
"I got your man and you can't do nothing about it.."

Other women delude themselves. They tell themselves
all sorts of lies, but over time, ****ina (Holly) realises...
"He can't be much if he'd screw me."
so the 'High' she got by 'beating' Lily in the pretty/sexy
game starts to pale. She has to find another woman's
husband to make her feel better.

Because we know this, giving ****ina ridicule, even
if our hearts are breaking is the only way to 'win.'

It ends the affair faster if ****ina is made a joke
and the husband, instead of feeling like heap big
macho man is made to appreciate he's feasting
from the dumpster.