[Tem]

Zarzie, take him up on his offer. Make an appointment to see a marriage counselor. At this point so much damage has been done that it would be a good idea to work it out with a competent professional. He said he is open to it. That's great, and means he wants to set things right in your marriage. Just like any profession, there are good therapists and bad ones. Try to get a recommendation from someone or some place ASAP.

I know you just want to get over it and have things go back to being normal, but that is not likely after everything that has happened. You'll both have to work at it.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Take a deep breathe.........

Remember, how he started to reach out, tell you of the jealousy, lonliness, non-spontenaity....

Life can get complacent, married couples can just be ships in the night, no real connection, no emotional connection, physical.....

When one gets tempted, sometimes, all that they are missing is thrown at them for that moment, and it feels good to recieve....

If your husband, mentioned these things above to you at some point recently as he did, then he clearly wants those things in his life again....

We all know three weeks, doesn't constitute love in totality, rather, the love of the things missing.....

You have a choice, you can win, your married to him......find your ways of getting things back on track, a loving marriage with laughter, passion, adventure......even if that means, changing your directions, focus, on work and study....

What he is in love with is the idea of being loved......again........

If you go down the path of anger, hatred, she won, will win..and abuse, and yell and scream, you'll push him her way.....

It takes one heck of a woman to fight for her rights, be calm as if it didn't occur and bring harmony, fun and laughter and emotional connection, physical connection but, if it's due to a fault of two people becoming distant, that may have contributed, and you want your marriage? That's what I would be doing............

In that understanding....however, once achieved, I'd make it well known, there will never be a second chance....and I would continue to work together, on that full harmony and happiness....

I'm not excusing him......I'm saying, people always cheat because they are missing something major and both male and females need love and have emotions..........

CW

[WildChild]

CW makes some very good points.
You are the only one who can decide what you can cope with.

[zarzie]

So finally we went to councling and a lot has been brought to the surface. I never realised how good counciling is. Is it possible for a man to love another twoman and love everything about her but not be inlove with her? He says that he has no physical attraction towards her it was that he felt needed and happy, she made him feel good.
He said it as love but on a different way than with me.

[PandaPaws]

I'm glad the counseling is going well for you. I do think there are different levels of love, as in romantic, friend, family, etc. However, having two romantic "loves," no, I don't believe in that. Maybe he had "lust" for her, or had a friendship type love, along with some lust, but I think if he really romantically LOVED you, he wouldn't truly love another woman at the same time.

[zarzie]

I can see this is going to be a long hard road. It is taking all my power not to yell and scream and hurt him for what he has done. I realise he needs love and affection, and he is very very confused on life and what he wants in general. Do men go through mid life crises? We go back to the counseling tonight, this might shed some light on his confusion in life.

[caterpillar79]

Men are always in crisis, and so do women. But women are more likely to be able to achieve balance first before men do. I'm glad to know that counseling is working for you. Tell us about the session when you get back. Take care.

[zarzie]

So counselling again tonight I am scared but looking forward to it.

I still have this horrible gut feeling that he slept with her - at this stage if he has, I am so numb about it all I really don't care, but want to know for STD's etc. But on the other hand I do not want to put our progress backwards from delving into this further. After all it is a hunch, I would never be able to prove it, but I have that gut feeling like I did when I was sure he was lying to me.

What do I do ask him or not. Ask him in counselling? Am I just being paranoid again? I have had all day at home by my self to think about it.

Bugger men!

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Let the councellor guide you the purpose is to try to work through things, make them better, have an understanding....in time, it all may be revealed or else, your realtionship will be better than it ever was and therefore, it won't matter...It will be a case of he's yours and you will not take another blow, your confidence will increase......

Start reading books, learn to be assertive, know who you are and your worth.

CW

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Is it possible for a man to love another twoman and love everything about her but not be inlove with her? He says that he has no physical attraction towards her it was that
He said it as love but on a differehe felt needed and happy, she made him feel good.nt way than with me.

Yes,it is....What he is saying is exactly what he stated......You know, men have emotions too...They need to feel wanted, loved, sexy just as much as we do....

Love is a "bond" he doesn't have a bond with her...He'd like to have that happiness, feel wanted, feel sexy, the man, feel loved and have the bond....

CW