[zarzie]

re reading your post and encouragement is great. Thanks Team.

[WildChild]

How are things progressing?

[zarzie]

Well mostly good, but I have times when I doubt my love for him, and everything that has happened makes me question our entire relationship. Then i realise I have these feelings when I am hormonal or very tired. Not sure why I keep having these recurring feelings, and then when I tell him I feel horrid for being honest. In saying that I also have feeling of so happy that things are getting so much better.. Gee Why do we humans have soooo many uneasy and horrid feelings at times?

[zarzie]

So revisiting this site again, sorry you all only hear from me in times of distress. So she is back he ended our marriage and is seeing her as a friend, or a girlfriend or lover who knows.
My husband and i are trying to live in the same house and maintain our friendship, but I just want out, I just want to run away, disappear so I don't see her or the emotions i feel when i see him. she does not come to our house but i see her here and there. I have told him i want to sell the house (not such a great time with the market) but i just want to go, get away. I don't want to fight with him I want to remember a great friendship and marriage but it is getting harder and harder.
How long does this pain and hurt and emotion continue for?

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Honey don't be sorry that's what this Forum is all about okay....

We had a big talk last night and he fessed up with a lot of things saying he is bored and feel the pressures of life. He also said He has to work on making more of an effort with making male friends and not so many female friends and join some groups. And I hate to admit it but he said that I am very moody, jealous and y at times and that I am hard to live with. I don't want to make excuses but I have had a termination of a pregnancy and major surgery for endometriosis the year just passed. And with my work load I feel the stress just as much as he does. And that is why he did not tell me about her, he said i would be really jealous and there would of been a big mess and it would of ended badly. And i would of made her leave, and he thought he could manage the situation.

And then HE FESSED UP ....and then you tried councelling with him and now, he is seeing her? You see her, and he is living in your house?

Honey, look at the above, he lied, and lied and lied, and he didn't try, he used excuses it's all your fault and now he's saying I want a friendship let's live together? But you know I am seeing her.

Yes the market is tough, I have sold 2 in a month, nothing in 3 and have 14 listings, but it's easing up you have to be realistic in price that's all, and don't write the bottom line aim higher because it's a buyers market and they will go lower

DO NOT WANT TO REMEMBER A GREAT FRIENDERSHIP By that I mean, he wants what my ex wanted ,walk amicabily it's over, if I do this, she won't go for everything she deserves and then I can pick up and have this woman, who won't take me either because I will be smart and I win....

You know I am Australian and I have seen this emotional rollercoaster....

Kick him out... Tell him you want a Divorce, he lied, and lied, in addition he is using your pain that you have gone through you are vulnerable, yep, I at least want to be friends, and whether he has lost love in you is irrelevent you are not emotionally capable to have gone through all you have, and be able to see his hidden motives, the same ones he had when you started this thread, he kept in contact with her professed his love, told her he was in a loveless, sexless relationship/marriage..Promised her that he'd bring her back and look after her.

And, you are being used for his financial gain if only he can keep you emotionally weak...

I know I just made things worse I need you to think though about all that I've written..

CW

[Crystalblue]

I agree! How are you supposed to find closure and move on into a happy, healthy life, living with the constant reminder that this person did a horrible thing to you? If you have separated, you should physically separate. He should not get to see you hurt and struggle to be ok. Instead, you should have your own space and life, leaving him to regret what he lost.

I fully believe that everything happens for a reason and that what goes around comes around. It sounds to me like this woman is using your husband and that won't last. As soon as she has a need he can't fill, she'll be off looking for the next person to use. Neither of them have any respect for you or your marriage. You deserve better.

[curiouswife]

No you never forget. You will never forget how you found out, how he tried to lie repeatedly to your face and then make it look like he wanted to work it out. You will never forget what you read and the pain you felt. You will never let go of the suspician that he did sleep with her. You will never be able to listen to what he is telling you and wonder if it is the truth or not. Your marriage may have had problems but it takes two. If he couldn't work them out but with you then you cannot take all of the blame. This is a very hard place to be and it will take years for the pain to soften. You have to decide if you are strong enough to get passed it. Some can, some can't. I feel horrible for you. I am so sorry that your husband made such a stupid mistake and hurt you. I hope you are one of the people who can get passed it. If you can't, then their is probably someone out there that is truly meant for you. It's your call. Take the help and see if it works but in the end it is what you can handle and still be happy.

[curiouswife]

Ok, so I clearly didnt read all of the posts. Now that I see your marriage has ended, I can tell you what I think. GET OUT! Sell the house. You will never heal in the toxic environment you are in. he is using you now. He wants to have his cake and eat it too. You have to do what takes care of you and your kids now. Dont worry about hime. worry about you and your kids.

[zarzie]

Thanks for all the support I have needed. All is going well, the house is on the market, he has moved out 90% of the time and only comes home when i am at work, phewwww. things are looking up, I have joined a divorce/ separation divorce group and this has made my healing so much easier. It is good to mix with others who understand what i am going through.