[CHANDLERS WISH]

No I think we have all agreed, but aren't you both being a tad childish?

See, maybe your doing it in desperate need of attention, wanting intimacy and that goes beyond the bedroom..You were PM'sing and therefore moody and wanted hugs, attention, maybe just as much as sex.

Maybe he really does view that you don't love him? He's not a good lover? You do realise action speaks louder than words and if in addition to the "childish" behaviour as you mentioned "attititude" you let him know by actions or words that he is not good in bed, would that make him want to make love to you? Or turn over and say "I'm tired"...and not want to give just because you want?

See when there is a problem, it is usually communication...

Is it fair to say if words are spoken then they may be meant?

Calling names is childish...but then you haven't answered your ages....

You haven't answered if you love him, what you love about him.

Why he twisted your arm on your honeymoon

You haven't answered if you were sexually active before him, or him before you. Whether you care for him sexually or him you other than the few minutes penetration and whether you "talk" about anything together and work things through?

So even here your not communicating your wanting validation only that you are right and he is wrong....

See?

[unsuregirl]

No I think we have all agreed, but aren't you both being a tad childish?

See, maybe your doing it in desperate need of attention, wanting intimacy and that goes beyond the bedroom..You were PM'sing and therefore moody and wanted hugs, attention, maybe just as much as sex.

Maybe he really does view that you don't love him? He's not a good lover? You do realise action speaks louder than words and if in addition to the "childish" behaviour as you mentioned "attititude" you let him know by actions or words that he is not good in bed, would that make him want to make love to you? Or turn over and say "I'm tired"...and not want to give just because you want?

See when there is a problem, it is usually communication...

Is it fair to say if words are spoken then they may be meant?

Calling names is childish...but then you haven't answered your ages....

You haven't answered if you love him, what you love about him.

Why he twisted your arm on your honeymoon

You haven't answered if you were sexually active before him, or him before you. Whether you care for him sexually or him you other than the few minutes penetration and whether you "talk" about anything together and work things through?

So even here your not communicating your wanting validation only that you are right and he is wrong....

See?

We are both 25 yrs old. I love him because he normally gives me a lot of indepence in my affairs and has been very supportive of my career and even though he is a lot forgetful, he tries to take care of my needs. He is not the kind of a guy who tries to understand what I want but if told what I want, he rarely refuses. He has given me financial indepedence in our marriage after a couple of small disagreements in the beginning and right now I was on a break from my job but never felt financial strains since he stopped interfering. He is not the best son-in-law but he does think well of my parents and is very comfortable talking to them and does not have to do it out of a sense of duty. Infact, even before marriage, he has taken care of me and my mother's needs( she is a single mom) whenever it was possible for him. So he is not a bad individual.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Okay

Can you please also tell me what happened on your honeymoon?

Am I correct that you both are of the same culture?

Do you know his family, history, because obviously he has some anger issues, they stem from somewhere before you came along...You've just worked out how to push the buttons

In short I am trying to get an understanding of his feelings, your feelings, the connection and if this could turn worse.

Do you think you have high expectations? Seriously this is anonymous....

He supports your career
Tries to take care of your needs.
Rarely refuses to what you want.
Gives you financial independence.
Ensures you don't have financial strains.
Stops interfering in what? What you do with your money?
Thinks well of your parents (what do you mean not the best son in law)? Do they have expectations?
Takes care again of your needs but also your Mothers, (financials?)


See, this man gives a lot does he not?

And he feels, maybe dis-respected no matter what he does you want more, you expect more or you expect now...

Sure, he's losing his temper but if he's giving all and you want more, maybe he doesn't feel good enough or man enough....



Tell us what you do for him....

CW

[unsuregirl]

Okay

Can you please also tell me what happened on your honeymoon?

Am I correct that you both are of the same culture?

Do you know his family, history, because obviously he has some anger issues, they stem from somewhere before you came along...You've just worked out how to push the buttons

In short I am trying to get an understanding of his feelings, your feelings, the connection and if this could turn worse.

Do you think you have high expectations? Seriously this is anonymous....

He supports your career
Tries to take care of your needs.
Rarely refuses to what you want.
Gives you financial independence.
Ensures you don't have financial strains.
Stops interfering in what? What you do with your money?
Thinks well of your parents (what do you mean not the best son in law)? Do they have expectations?
Takes care again of your needs but also your Mothers, (financials?)


See, this man gives a lot does he not?

And he feels, maybe dis-respected no matter what he does you want more, you expect more or you expect now...

Sure, he's losing his temper but if he's giving all and you want more, maybe he doesn't feel good enough or man enough....



Tell us what you do for him....

CW

As I mentioned, he takes care of my family's needs ...since I have a single mother, he prefers us to live with her so that she would not have to live alone and is considerate of her health issues. My family has not expectations from him and I don't expect a lot from him in that direction but its good to know that if I asked, he will help without a fuss or hesitation. We don't have very similar cultural backgrounds and my family is quite liberal while his is conservation hence we started having problem right from the wedding planning as soon as I met his parents who expect a lot. But we overcame that. He is not extremely attached to his family. He cares for them but is not a mama's boy. He usually listens to what his father says which sometimes is a conservative opinion and has caused troubles in the past but not anymore. I had to make quite a few adjustments to make his family like me but there are no grudges. He was not very supportive about these things initially but he became supportive after a quarrel we had around the wedding. He understood that if he has to marry me, I am going to need his support so that I can fit into his family.
During honeymoon also, it was an attention issue, I think. Although, I have quite forgotten what exactly had happened but I am sure that I had pestered him to spend time with me while he wanted to sleep or something. Probably I had certain notions of a honeymoon. So again my nagging caused the trouble.

[unsuregirl]

As I mentioned, he takes care of my family's needs ...since I have a single mother, he prefers us to live with her so that she would not have to live alone and is considerate of her health issues. My family has not expectations from him and I don't expect a lot from him in that direction but its good to know that if I asked, he will help without a fuss or hesitation. We don't have very similar cultural backgrounds and my family is quite liberal while his is conservation hence we started having problem right from the wedding planning as soon as I met his parents who expect a lot. But we overcame that. He is not extremely attached to his family. He cares for them but is not a mama's boy. He usually listens to what his father says which sometimes is a conservative opinion and has caused troubles in the past but not anymore. I had to make quite a few adjustments to make his family like me but there are no grudges. He was not very supportive about these things initially but he became supportive after a quarrel we had around the wedding. He understood that if he has to marry me, I am going to need his support so that I can fit into his family.
During honeymoon also, it was an attention issue, I think. Although, I have quite forgotten what exactly had happened but I am sure that I had pestered him to spend time with me while he wanted to sleep or something. Probably I had certain notions of a honeymoon. So again my nagging caused the trouble.

I dunno what to say abotu what I do for him... well... I try to keep his dinner ready. I talk to him and listen to him when he needs to unwind after work. I support his career decisions and encourage him. I try to please him sexually and tease him. I don't bother him while he is at work and just let him find time for me...rarely do I ask him to come home early... I try to see if he needs anything in the house...like shampoos, soaps...etc... usually there are times when he wants to watch movies or soaps till late into the night and he prefers if I give him company so I do that even if I would like to sleep...

[CHANDLERS WISH]

So, he takes care of her health issues, your Mother....and at 25 you live with her,married...That in itself is a problem sweet, because you havent got your own life

Remember when I said, he's giving?

I would say he's not close to his Mother...So he's Mothering your mother...But again why is he not a good son-in-law?

I'd say his Father is opinionated....Maybe he shares his life with his Father, maybe his father has stated keep her in her place? Ask him.

On your honeymoon you are meant to get attention, it's a special time, think back, I appreciate you wanted the attention didn't get it, probably did something simular and he reacted....same as this time and this time triggered it.... If your an attention seeker and you sound quite intelligent and really wanting the answers so that's good, but if you are an attention seeker that can be waring.... Takes it's toll... still can create frustration from his side and I'd say, he was told what to do from his Dad or Mum, all his life and can't cope.

It sounds to me that one you have to have your own place, learn marriage.

Two, accept his faults sexually and work yourself at improving that, give to him...you know, love him, love his body and maybe he'll learn more and give you that back.

You say you try to please him sexually and tease him but then why does he feel like he's a sex object? Something is a miss in this conversation....

Where are the date nights? Watching soaps till late with you there is him wanting you time....Mother is there remember, no kids, get out, date...have fun...

I see a not happy marriage and a need to change location, thought patterns, dating and maybe this frustration and tention will go ..

For both of you.

CW

[unsuregirl]

So, he takes care of her health issues, your Mother....and at 25 you live with her,married...That in itself is a problem sweet, because you havent got your own life

Remember when I said, he's giving?

I would say he's not close to his Mother...So he's Mothering your mother...But again why is he not a good son-in-law?

I'd say his Father is opinionated....Maybe he shares his life with his Father, maybe his father has stated keep her in her place? Ask him.

On your honeymoon you are meant to get attention, it's a special time, think back, I appreciate you wanted the attention didn't get it, probably did something simular and he reacted....same as this time and this time triggered it.... If your an attention seeker and you sound quite intelligent and really wanting the answers so that's good, but if you are an attention seeker that can be waring.... Takes it's toll... still can create frustration from his side and I'd say, he was told what to do from his Dad or Mum, all his life and can't cope.

It sounds to me that one you have to have your own place, learn marriage.

Two, accept his faults sexually and work yourself at improving that, give to him...you know, love him, love his body and maybe he'll learn more and give you that back.

You say you try to please him sexually and tease him but then why does he feel like he's a sex object? Something is a miss in this conversation....

Where are the date nights? Watching soaps till late with you there is him wanting you time....Mother is there remember, no kids, get out, date...have fun...

I see a not happy marriage and a need to change location, thought patterns, dating and maybe this frustration and tention will go ..

For both of you.

CW

No..mother not living with us but he wants us to move in with us soon so that we don't have to worry about her health issues. And ya, we have weekend dates, shoppings, outings...none of those is a problem. I think his only problem is in the way he expresses his anger...what do u think? And ya, I normally dont ask for attention but rather like my space and being alone for a while. Honeymoon story was different because 1., there was nothing else to do and no one else around, 2. I had imagine honeymoon to be special and full of sweet stuff...

[unsuregirl]

And his father might be opinionated but he would not ask him to keep me in my place. I have already let his father into this and called him up yesterday to discuss things in private. He did not approve of this in anyway at all but he thinks that his son can not tolerate being pestered a lot and hence I should try to avoid disagreements and try talking about only pleasant things for a while.... he promised to intervene if things still don't work out and suggested taht we could go for counselling but then again his dad did try to find faults with me and find out why his son slapped me, which, I feel is a little silly as there can't be a reason good enough for that unless I tried to hurt his son in a physical way.

[unsuregirl]

And he is a good son-in-law...I just meant that since he is not very communicative, he is not the kind to call up my mom and talk to her... but his parents expect that from me. And, like once we had an argument and I slept in another room to avoid a fight and he got so annoyed that he called up my mother and friends many times to harrass them and kept cutting the calls without talking to anyone. the next day I had to answer those people with excuses.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Is his Mother alive?