[Ashlee T.]

In the end what I have got is a slap on my face and many other instances of physical abuse of mild levels and a husband who thinks he did the best thing in his life by doing the above thing

No one here condones physical abuse. It sounds as though sexual frustrations are not your only issue in this marriage. We only know what you tell us. And in your original post, I keep thinking back and picturing this situation, a grown woman throwing a tantrum over not getting what she wants, therefore physically shaking her husband so he can't sleep. This is not "pestering". This is just as much abuse as him slapping you was. Both of you should feel horribly about the way you behaved. If he doesn't.....that should tell you something. And vice versa.

Do you have any clue (or has he said) why he deprives you of sex? You dated for 5 years prior to marriage, did he have sex with you then regularly? Does he make you feel loved wanted and respected in any other ways?

[unsuregirl]

No one here condones physical abuse. It sounds as though sexual frustrations are not your only issue in this marriage. We only know what you tell us. And in your original post, I keep thinking back and picturing this situation, a grown woman throwing a tantrum over not getting what she wants, therefore physically shaking her husband so he can't sleep. This is not "pestering". This is just as much abuse as him slapping you was. Both of you should feel horribly about the way you behaved. If he doesn't.....that should tell you something. And vice versa.

Do you have any clue (or has he said) why he deprives you of sex? You dated for 5 years prior to marriage, did he have sex with you then regularly? Does he make you feel loved wanted and respected in any other ways?

Yes he did...he wanted it whenever we were together. HE still does but I think he is just giving up too soon just because he does not know how to pleaes me. He wants the easy way out. Rather than learning it, he wants to give it up or avoids it after an attempt. And sexual frustration is not just it. I guess I am a bit too impatient.

[Ashlee T.]

And sexual frustration is not just it

What else is it?

[unsuregirl]

This is not "pestering". This is just as much abuse as him slapping you was. Both of you should feel horribly about the way you behaved. If he doesn't.....that should tell you something. And vice versa.

I don't know if I feel horrible yet about anything except the slap... But I do know where I was wrong. And if you ask about him, as far as I have been told, he has done just the right thing. No more need to be said about this , i guess. Let me know if I need to tell more.

I have relayed this whole thing just as it happened. I have no intention of trying to hide my own actions. And you can say that my shaking him is as good as abusing him physically. I will agree on that one if everybody thinks the same way. Because in that case, I must be wrong. But in all other instances, there has been no shaking him from my side. It has been pure verbal from my side and physical actions from his side.

[unsuregirl]

What else is it?

It is my impatience and his rage. Pure rage. I get angry, but he is an animal in rage. If only I could take a photograph of his contorted face that I have seen in his rage a few times, you would know what I mean. Its demonic.

[unsuregirl]

What do you think about the next step? Should I be staying with him or should I go away for a while? If he agreed to get into counselling with me, I would not prefer to go away. But as of now, he has refused to it.

[Ashlee T.]

It is my impatience and his rage. Pure rage. I get angry, but he is an animal in rage. If only I could take a photograph of his contorted face that I have seen in his rage a few times, you would know what I mean. Its demonic.

Again...no one here condones physical abuse. And if you consider your husband to be an animal in rage and physically abusive........ why are you still with him? And most of all, why would you even WANT to physically intimate with a man that abuses you?

It has been pure verbal from my side and physical actions from his side.

Verbal abuse may not have the same immediate effects as physical abuse....but many who have experienced verbal abuse (including me) will argue that the effects of verbal and emotional abuse can be more damaging long term than physical abuse. Both are horrible things to do to someone you claim to love.

My opinion, this is two people that stayed together 5 years because the relationship was long distance so you couldn't fully get to know each other...got married because you felt like that was the thing to do after dating 5 years, and are not in love, not compatible, and not happy together.

[unsuregirl]

Again...no one here condones physical abuse. And if you consider your husband to be an animal in rage and physically abusive........ why are you still with him? And most of all, why would you even WANT to physically intimate with a man that abuses you?

Verbal abuse may not have the same immediate effects as physical abuse....but many who have experienced verbal abuse (including me) will argue that the effects of verbal and emotional abuse can be more damaging long term than physical abuse. Both are horrible things to do to someone you claim to love.

My opinion, this is two people that stayed together 5 years because the relationship was long distance so you couldn't fully get to know each other...got married because you felt like that was the thing to do after dating 5 years, and are not in love, not compatible, and not happy together.

Before I absorb your suggestion, I feel a need to say that when I said I have been verbal, I did not mean verbal abuse but meant that in the past I have expressed my anger or disappointment through the verbal mode and him through the physical mode. Do u suggest that two people in a relationship should not have any dissatisfaction or disagreement that they need to express verbally?

[unsuregirl]

My opinion, this is two people that stayed together 5 years because the relationship was long distance so you couldn't fully get to know each other...got married because you felt like that was the thing to do after dating 5 years, and are not in love, not compatible, and not happy together.

Nonetheless, thanks for your frank opinion. I will be considering that. Thanks again.

[Ashlee T.]

Do u suggest that two people in a relationship should not have any dissatisfaction or disagreement that they need to express verbally?

Do you really believe that's what I'm "suggesting"? Of course it's not. Sarcasm will never be responded to kindly when someone is taking their time to try to help you and give you advice.

I do not know what more we can do to help you here. You've gotten a plethora of advice and opinion from a variety of people from different age groups, cultures, and sexes. My first advice to someone who feels they are being abused, whether physical or emotional/verbal is to get out.